BING! BONG!
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This is a Customer Service Announcement We would like to welcome all passengers to INSANITY AIRPORT, unfortunately, our manners are currently on a Four hour delay, therefore we cannot presently be bothered. THIS PAGE HAS NOW BEEN UPDATED!!!!! IT HAS BEEN UPDATED WITH THIS LINE, TELLING YOU THAT IT HAS BEEN UPDATED FURTHER UPDATED MAY FOLLOW SOON BUT AT PRESENT IT HAS NOT HAD FURTHER UPDATES THAN THE UPDATE UPDATE...WHICH WAS UPDATED TODAY...WHICH IS THE 8TH OF OCTOBER 2002...WHICH OF COURSE MEANS THAT I AM STILL ALIVE....AND STILL NOT ENTIRELY SANE. NOW GO FORTH AND LOOK FOR MORE UPDATES....OF WHICH THERE ARE NONE...SO JUST GO FORTH AND SEND MORE TRAFFIC TO MINE GLORIOUS AIRPORT OF NUTTINESS... The last flight to Normality has just left from Gate 42. All other outward bound flights (and other methods of escape) are currently delayed by approximately an Infinite amount of hours, and anyone attempting to escape on foot will be shot. We would also like to announce that several of the expected Pages have been delayed indefinitely. This is due to laziness, buggering about, and nonsense. We would like to apologise, But due to unforeseen circumstances, we don't care. Please forward any complaint to the management via the upcoming link. These complaints will not be read, as the management are presently playing silly buggers, and therefore don't care either. Comments, Complaints and Suggestions about the staff, or Airport facilities should be written in your best handwriting (in black ink) on A4 feint lined paper. Please them encase them in a wooden envelope, and attach sufficient postage to reach our postal sorting department in Phuket. These letters will then be carefully fed through our drug sniffing gerbils to ensure our own safety. If your correspondences are still legible upon exiting the gerbils, they will then be given our full attention. Alternatively, You may simply click on the large "MAIL ME" button, and use the modern marvel that is EMail, to forward any comments, suggestions, or material directly to us. (Please note however, that this will result in starving Gerbils).    Returning guests may find that the very popular 8-Ball lounge is missing from it's regular loitering route. Recent polls (and common sense) show that in fact it was boring people, and stealing their money. Thus it has been escorted from the property, led behind terminal 13, and shot in the head. We would like to take this time to point out our duty free area, where you can find many interesting items, for the mere price of your sanity and your eternal soul.. |
 The Chicken Slapping Appreciation Society Is now open to all of our first class lunatics, Where you may immerse yourself in the noble art of Chicken Slapping. We are currently featuring, News and Gossip specials, and several Slap-oriented Musical wonders. An exclusive Biography of the founder this dignified pastime is also now available. And off course, feedback is appreciated from all passengers, no matter how ugly, or stupid. The Insanity Room Ah yes, Lunacy Central. Le Lunatarium Grande!! All second rate..uh...second rate passengers should make their way quickly to the Insanity room, where facilities are available to mop up any errant drool. Sings of insanity are there for all to see, As are Udders, Songs, and the latest news items from the worlds premier news network, NNN. Please stay to the right at all time, Follow the yellow line, Don't approach the glass, and duck as you pass Miggs cell...Eww.. The Final Word Movie Reviews, with Teeth Reviews of all inflight movies should be available soon. At the moment we are showing very few features, as the Airport is still under construction, and the staff are not presently being allowed time off to watch movies. If you have any complains on this matter, Please direct them to the nearest brick wall. Here is a brick wall for your convenience.  Share and Enjoy The Links Page All passengers who are tired of waiting, may catch a connecting link to the sites of other madness from this terminal. However, Anyone actually caught in the act of leaving the Airport, will be shot. Which would be another type of Terminal. HA HA HA Security have now been informed that you did not laugh at our joke, and are presently on their way to your location. This page was previously refered to as 'Woolworths from Hell'!!, and the staff here at Insanity Airport liked it, and therefore we just had to give it another mention! |
