The Lord of the Bling
Part III
The Return of the Thing
I dedicate this awesome epic of Joe to all Joe fans who are still alive after the hugely long wait they had to put up with to read this story. Prepare to laugh until your lungs come out of your nose, which you really should video tape. It might get you a few bucks. I also dedicate this to all the members of the Friendship that died trying to help destroy the Bling.
After a few hours, Gindelf stopped eating chips and dip. The Friend ship was all talkin' about how to get to Mount Rap. The Game Show Host is all, "We should leave really soon before an evil rap fan hoard finds us and rips us to pieces for defeating Snoop Dog." So the chicken said, " Squak Squak Squakity Squakerheimer Squak Squaky!" So Gindelf's all, "Good point, but its to late to talk about that now." So they Friendship packed up all the stuff they brought. Well, they would, if they weren't cheap and had some stuff to pack. Instead, Gindelf just steals some more chips and dip and they leave.
About 5 hours of walking later, Noodles and Grefory remember they left McDonalds French Fries in Paco and Sanchez's pimpinly awesome car. They run back, and the rest of the Friendship follows them. The Fry-crazed fools run all the way back to the stupid fort. When they get there, Paco and Sanchez are extremely cheesed off because Gindelf ate all their famous chips and dip. So the Mexican cousins fire their car's refried bean cannon at Gindelf. But Gindelf wouldn't surrender. After 5 demented hours of kung-fu vs. refried bean action, Gindelf finally surrendered and gave Paco and Sanchez the $2.50 he owed them. Then everyone got into the Mexican cousin's pimpin' car and started awesomely driving to Rap along with their 2 new additions to the Friendship, Paco and Sanchez.
They eventually reached the airport. Yeah, they had airports. If you thought they were in medieval times or somethin', to bad for you! Anyway, they boarded flight 203 to Mount Rap, and soon found out their captain was a demented talking dog who couldn't say anything right. I did my best to translate the dog's talking.
The demented talking dog was all, " Rello! My rame is Rooby-doo, and Ri rill be rour pilot for roday. Rif you raven't noticed ralready, I ram now jumping rout of rhe plane without ra parachute. Rood-bye cruel world! Fortunately, Joe could understand him. He told The Friendship to put parachutes on and gave Gindelf the Bling. So all of them jumped.
When they landed, Paco remembered he left their pimpin' car at the airport. He cried until Sanchez told him that airports usually give you your car back. Grefory figured out they were just 2 miles away from Mount Rap, in a huge, long, desert-like hole. So they started walkin'..........
......until the Magical Musical French Monkey saw a gigantic gate with a huge deadly plasma-laser compoterizered gun on top. Then they started running towards the gate so they could smash it down. The gun on the top of the gate started firing at the Friendship. About halfway to the gate, the Magical Musical French Monkey got hit by the laser and was turned into a bucket of flump, the edible goo. Everyone else made it to the gate. They knocked on a little window, and an equally little man popped out. The little man was all, "Can't you read! Look at the sign!" Joe looked at the sign. It said, "Welcome to the Death Tower of Doom! We are Open!" So Joe was all, "Dude, it says you're open." And the little man was all, "Yeah, I guess you can go through." So the G.S. Host was all, "You just turned a monkey into a bucket of flump, and you expect us to be happy just because you let us pass?!" And the little man was all, "Yes." The G.S. Host was all, "Ok." So the little man let them through. Noodles saw a demon horse that changed colors being attacked by evil flying ninja crabs. They started running until they noticed a huge evil spider-thingy about to jump down on them. It did. It started dancing until Chicken threw a Webster's 2006 dictionary with 18 new definitions at the spider-mabob. It went into super-spider attack mode and started wrappin' chicken in a huge web. So Noodles, Paco, and Sanchez grabbed the conveniently located Tommy guns and blew the spider to pieces. Then, suddenly, Noodles got bored and went to his house to play Halo alone. So he left. The rest of the Friendship had to keep walking.......
....and walking..............for 2 miles............................................
Until they noticed Mount Rap! The Friendship followed Joe to the Mount Rap elevator. As they were about to reach the top floor, the G.S. Host made the elevator go to the 6th floor to get some awesome official Mount Rap merchandise. They spent $40 on a hat and $13 on a couple of used army men. When they eventually got to the top floor, Joe had already destroyed the radio playing the elevator music. When the doors opened, the Friendship saw 50 cent, Dark Lord of Mount Rap, curled up on the floor crying because he forgot how to rap. They were gonna' leave him alone, but all of a sudden The Thing returned! It grabbed 50 cent and threw him in a cheese grater! when he came out, he had turned into an Extra Sharp Swiss cheese block! All of a sudden, Gindelf had some.....uh....trouble down below, from the chips and dip he had eaten. He let loose a blast of gas so absofreikenlutly huge, disgusting, and hideous, Joe cried, the G.S. Host actually laughed, and the Thing got knocked out. After the Friendship recovered from the deadly blow, they saw that The Thing was actually just a costume. When they pulled the mask off, they saw their pilot from before, the extremely demented dog! Joe was all, " Yo pilot! Why the heck did you want to take over the world?" So the demented dog was all, "Because, my TV show is getting cheaper and cheaper, and I decided to take over the world for some extra bucks. And I would have gotten away with it to, if it weren't for you meddling kids and your old gassy grandpa!" Then everyone laughed at the demented dog, even you! Read this next part out loud: ha ha ha ha hootie dootie hee haw ha ha ha ha! Now stop. Good. Now point at this word on your screen "SCOOBY-DOO" and laugh some more......... You done now? Great. Let's get on with the Joe story thinger mabob inheimer.
The Friendship all grabbed the demented dog and threw him into the Sleepy's Mattress Store of Doom, where he will be forced to look at $500 mattresses, but never buy any for all eternity! Joe took the Bling back from Gindelf, stuffed it into 50 cent the cheese block, and threw the cheese block and the Bling into Mount Rap's lava-coolness. Then all of the surviving not-bored Friendship members had a huge party and got their butts whuped by Paco in Halo 2, cuz Sanchez has awesome Halo butt whuppin' skills.
Because the Bling has been destroyed, I think you people should hear this:
Pictures
Santa Claus, before his last battle in 1972 against the Vietnamese, hanging out with his fellow North Poleian Friends
Paco and Sanchez and their awesome car
Although many would like to see Paco and Sanchez's car, it is extremely difficult to get a picture, especially a good one. If I manage to obtain a photo or sketch, I will post it here.
The Mount Rap Official Used Army Men Toys that the G.S. Host bought
To be continued soon (you hope. yea, you know you wanna see the next 1) in Joe vs. The Salsa Lizard
