The Lord of the Bling
The Friendship of the Bling
One day, Joe, a guy who lives in a rich guy's house, was chowin' down on enchiladas with the Game Show Host and a M.M.F. monkey. All of a sudden, Gindelf, some magical dude, stumbles out of the bushes. He sprints over to them and proclaims "Hey, I'm going on this big evil/apocalyptic mission of doom. Want to come with?" Joe says sure, and Gindelf shows them this plastic bling. He says it's all evil and magical, and anyone who wears it starts rapping. The Game Show Host starts to put the Bling on and starts rapping. "Yo ya'll help me yo please!" Gindelf grabs the Bling and says "It's so evil it can't be used for goodieness and brownies. You just gotta throw it into Mount Rap to destroy it, but Mount Rap is controlled by The Dark 50 Cent. Anyways, if you put on that Bling, you might become like HIM!" And Joe asks who HIM is. Gindelf says "Gosh, don't you know anything! HIM is known in the language of not-rap as Michael Jackson." Joe and the G.S. Host gasp. He continues "Yes, M.J. once had the Bling, but then he became all plasticy and no one liked him, so someone stole it from him. Now M.J. wants it back. Gindelf suddenly grabs the Bling and throws it into the oven. He takes it back out and theirs letters where the $ signs used to be. Joe asks him "What do the reddish letters say?'' Gindelf's all,"It is written in the foul language of rap, which I won't even whisper here. In the common language it reads "One Bling to Rap Them All" for this is the one Bling, most evil and powerful of all Jewelry. We must take it to Chickendell, where I can get the advice of Rond, Ruler of the Pirate Elves." Now come on. I wasted a lot of time explaining this to you imbeciles.
They start walking, walking, walking, walking, walking, walking, and walking until they get to the Town that never gets mentioned again. There they meet Noodles, Forgotten King of Offspring Land. He comes with them too, and they get to a place called Out in the Open Hill, where if you light a fire, everyone within three hundred miles will know where you are. Then five rap stars start walking towards Joe, Gindelf, Noodles and the G.S. host with juice boxes of doom. Joe and Noodles pull out machine guns and shoot em' up until they are pure lead. They continue down the path, until Gindelf yells "stop" and listens. He hears nothing. Whatever. They keep running until they get to Chickendell. They see Rond, leader of the Pirate Elves, and he's all "Let's sit around for hours and argue about pointless things. Gindelf's all "sure" and 50 people talk. A lot. Then finally they decide. "Let's make Joe and his Friends do all the hard stuff." And that sounds decent to them, so they say to Joe, "Uhhhh, like, you're going to have to bring this Bling to Mount Rap, but will let you pick eight people to come with you. ok?" So Joe says "I'll take Gindelf, The Game Show Host, Noodles, a chicken, Grefory The Drill Sergeant of the Pirate Elves, a Penguin Fork Dude, a secret service dude, and a meatloaf. That's about it." The 50 people are really mad for no reason, so they say, "Ok. You're called The Friendship of The Bling. You've gotta save the world now. Go, hurry up, now you Card-Monkey!" Joe takes a fart-muncher gun (a really cool weapon of pain) and yells, "Run!." They start running and Joe fires Fart Munchers at the arguing people. They start a big journey scene and it's really boring. So let's just skip to the cool parts.
Joe and The Friendship are going to this Super Awesome Paradise because it's on their way to Mount Rap. All of a sudden, evil storks run in front of them. Joe pulls out a shotgun and a machete, and the rest of the Friendship pull out various weapons including crossbows, pie, clothespins, and guitars. The storks surround them, and there is a big fight. Joe uses a lot of machete to cause pain. While Joe is throwing oranges at the storks, he sees the meatloaf throw a pie. Joe's all proud, but then the meatloaf gets hit with a flashlight and burns to death. Joe pulls out the heavy artillery. (cell phones) Then, the storks all run away suddenly. Gindelf says, "We're going to have to go across the evil snowy mountains instead of to The Super Awesome Paradise because I'm too cool for Paradise. Oh, yeah, I forgot! Meatloaf! My feet were getting kind of hungry anyway." To Joe and the G.S. Host's horror, Gindelf stuffs meatloaf into his shoe. While his feet eat, Gindelf remembers something, " I remembered something!" Joe asks "What?". Gindelf is all "I should probably go ahead. It would be safer. For you." Gindelf jogs ahead. All of a sudden, three storks jump into the road. Gindelf says "Bang" and the three storks explode. "Well, that was worth three hundred exp. points."
Meatloaf
To Be Continued.......
