Joe
The Lardle Hobo of DOOM!!!!!!
After his "episode" with the friendship, Joe went back to his house. He decided to take a shower. As he walked into the bathroom the shower curtain opened and JASON jumped out!!!!!! O MY GOODNESS!!!!! O wait, its actually just the Rich Guy's ghost. The Rich Guy's Ghost is all, "If you want to stay in my house, your gonna have to join my new secret club." Joe was like, "What the heck is your club?" So the Rich Guy's all, "It's the Lumpy Aardvark Root Doodle Lardilicous Emu club, or LARDLE club. My codename is Blender." Joe asked, "What does club Lardle do?" The Rich Guy was all, "We protect and serve all hobos, monkeys, and microphones. Also, everyone has to have an awesome code name and a weird made up job. I am the guy who licks electrical sockets. I don't like my job. Any way in order to join the club and keep my house, you have to live the life of a hobo for 2 days." Joe's all, "Whatever. My codename will be Morty." The Rich Guy was all, " Good Luck." Then he disappeared. Joe, a.k.a. Morty, quickly destroyed his electrical razor, since hobos never shave. He then starts his day of hobolicous fun by going to the supermarket. In the back alley he finds a couple hobos. They eat chocolate and drink expired milk. YEA! Joe tells them that they smell good, so they beat him with chocolates. As Joe went back onto the street, he noticed a hobo in a shopping cart. He was coming straight at him. Joe pulled out a huge plasma rifle death ray farter and zapped the hobo to kingdom come. Just kidding. He actually grabbed extra munchable potato chips and threw them at the hobo as he raced down the cracked up streets. The hobo flew into the alley Joe had just come out of. Suddenly, all the hobos disappeared. It was their hobolicous instincts! Danger was coming. Out of nowhere flew Mr. T! He landed near Joe and was all, "Yo, I pity the fool who isn't a real hobo!" Mr. T then pulled out a teddy bear. Joe is all, "That's an awesome teddy bear." Mr. T is all, "I made him just for me at the build-a -bear workshop. His name is Little T. The Max!" Joe is all, "That's a dumb name. You should name him Jojo." Mr. T is angry. He runs at Joe with his T bling! Joe jumps in a shopping cart. He starts zooming down the street in his awesomo ride. But Mr. T was using his rocket bling to fly. He was almost at Joe! Suddenly Joe notices a button that says 'drop cargo'. Joe presses it and shower curtains start flying everywhere from the shopping cart. Mr. T is hit in the chest. Then he gets knocked out of the sky. Joe cant steer the cart! He gets catapulted into 99 bottles of beer on a wall and gets knocked out. That ends Joe's first day as a hobo.
When he wakes up, he is back at the supermarket. A man is standing over him in a Speedo. He's dancing the robot. Joe hits him in the head with a humungo cat. The cats name is Benson. It can talk Swedish. Benson is all, "Yorgon hoit shlope flop egheim." Joe is all, "You want me to go to the governors mansion and destroy the enemy of all mankind? Ok. But only if I can bring Batman!" Joe go's to batman's secret base and rings the doorbell. Batman answers, and he's all, "WAAAAAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!" So Joe is all, "The sky." So Joe tells batman about Benson's secret Mission. Batman decides to come. But the coolio bat mobile is in the shop getting a coating of platinum. So they ride Joe's shopping cart to the governors house. On the way there, Joe and batman only caused one riot, seven fires, and 12 minor thefts. Once they got there, they busted in the door. Inside were two hundred fast food employees! They had shoe boxes and started beating batman with them. Joe pulled out a squirt gun. He started squirting fast food workers with it. Batman was free! He grabbed his Bat-arang and started playing Frisbee with Joe. Then suddenly Batman exploded into refried bean. He was a weird superhero anyway. So Joe walked into the next room of the governors mansion. It was a secret base filled with happy dancing lobsters!!! Thus follows a good hour of happy dancing lobster fun!!! The Happy dancing lobsters decided to join Joe's quest to destroy the enemy of all mankind. They went with Joe into the next room. It was filled with TV's. And every TV. was playing a commercial. Joe saw in horror as an old guy advertised vacuums. He screamed as he watched a little girl take a drink and say 'Ah! I love Juicy Juice!' Joe grabbed a lobster and started destroying all the TV's. He saw scripts for commercials and ripped them up with his nose hairs! He had just destroyed mankind's greatest and most annoying enemy. COMMERCIALS! He also destroyed mankind's second greatest enemy: fast food workers. And actually mankind's third and fourth greatest enemies, too: Batman and men in Speedos. He also visited the second greatest place in the world: Happy Dancing Lobster Room! Also, if Joe had not destroyed that Juicy Juice Commercial, all of Australia would have been killed in a Leprechaun Llama Revolution! And then, on the way home, Joe got invited to the 78th greatest place in the world: Noodles Birthday Party!!! Joe went to the supermarket, beat the other hobos with fruitcakes, and slept in a dumpster.
When Joe wakes up, Benson and the Rich Guy's Ghost are sitting by the dumpster. Benson is all, "Yoften shlokfoot hifddlgausj khahlkjfa!" So Joe is all, "Bananas are an excellent source of fiber." He then goes into a dance routine involving a hideous puppy and a frozen toaster. Then the rich guy tells him, "Joe while you were sleeping there was a huge nuclear war and were the only survivors............... just kidding. The entire state survived! I guess they didn't think Idaho****** was important. Anyway, you did the two things all hobos hope to do: Destroy Batman and survive a nuclear war. You can be in the LARDLE club! And you can go to the party next week!" Joe dances again!
******Yes, I have finally revealed Joe's home state. If you see this site and you are in Idaho, you win a million bucks! Just read the very very very very fine print at the bottom of the screen for details on claiming your prize!
DANCING LOBSTERS RULE!
Continued in The 3 Trials of Noodles' Birthday Party
If you can read this than you wasted your time and need to talk to Dr. Phil. Or get a job munching sweaters.
