It all began in my Religion class at school, about... three years ago. I found religion boring as fuck (I am religious.. I just didn't like the class), so I decided to doodle in the back of my book... little did I know that I wasn't just doodling... I was creating a portal to another world!
"Luke spends more time drawing monkeys in the back of his book rather than actually doing any work." is what my teacher said at one point. But she didn't understand, no one did. The first monkey to be drawn was Muscle Monkey, the strongest monkey of them all, he would wear tight little Speedo pants and a gold-banana medallion while posing for his lovers. Next; there was Dirty Money, who had an unhealthy obsession with bananas... Then, the ruler of all the monkeys... Toga Monkey stepped into my life.
This monkey was different from the rest, he didn't have an aura of pure SEX like Muscle Monkey, or pure FILTH like Dirty Monkey... it was an aura of sheer power. Everybody bowed down to Toga Monkey... including a small band of teenage boys from Leicester. We would show the sing of the Toga every (making a 'T' with our hands) while chanting "TOGA! TOGA! TOGA!". Each time we did this... we were one step closer to the big Golden Banana in the sky.
Toga Monkey shot to fame at Crich, a spiritual retreat for religious teenagers and fags. Me and some of my friends from school went and when we got there we had to share the place with some school from Lincoln, they were ALL girls.. apart from two guys. Anyway... one day; Robo Dave was overcome with banana-joy. We were all seperated into groups and we had to put on a presentation for everyone else there... perhaps.. 60 people in total. There was a scene in Robo Dave's presentation where he asked a woman in his group if she'd ever heard of Toga Monkey... I trembled in my seat as I watched. "Toga Monkey? No.. what's that?". I will never forget Robo Dave's reply; "Well..." he got up and began the Toga prayer! He made the T of the Toga with his hands and chanted Toga and he looked at us all in the circle around him and we all joined in, we were overcome with primate happiness! Then the spirit of Toga Monkey entered Robo Dave's body and he started to dance!!! It was brief... but it has gone down in the The Big Book of Banana as a day never to be forgotten.
After this weekend at Crich, Toga Monkey saw his chance for fame and went on a world tour with the rest of the monkeys. When they got to Rome... the monkey trio disbanded, Dirty Monkey found a banana factory and Muscle Monkey got a sponsorship deal with a leading Banana Boat manufacturing company. Toga Monkey thought his life in the lime-light had ended, he decided to take a quiet stroll round some museums. This is when he found a statue of one of his ancestors... Caeser Monkey, the past great ruler of Rome!!! Toga Monkey was heir to the throne of Rome and to this day is worshipped by the country's inhabitants, and a small band of boys from Leicester, England.
