This shall be my greatest challenge: rewriting this comic so it fits in continuity! MWA HA HA! So, where to begin? Mike P, Ned, Nill, Bob, and Joe were relaxing at the Resort and doing random things. Suddenly, they heard an odd sound: the ding of a bell! Mike P, realizing this must be a customer, excitedly ran to the check-in counter to see who it was. It was an aging warrior named Milos. When Mike P was talking to Milos, Ned brought in the A-Hole and pressed the yellow button on it, bringing Cruton to the Resort. Milos was a warrior of some repute, and so Cruton was stricken with hero worship. Unfortunately, the reason Ned had asked was because Joe had pressed the same button and caused several deranged Eskimos to come to the Resort and attack Milos. Milos, being advanced in years, fell somewhat easily, and thus Mike P and Cruton went out to avenge this customer and hero.

As Mike P and Cruton left, Kribbs (the employee who Mike P throughly beat in BFNA) came in and pressed a random button to send Mike P and Cruton across space to Mexico. Upon arrival, they came upon a sign which said "Buenos Dies!". Woozy from the impromptu journey, they mistook it as something advertising the upcoming death of a man named Buenos. Meanwhile, Milos had quickly recovered, and while walking around outside the Resort, found the corpse of Pikapunk lying on the ground. He took it back to the Resort and was about to use the Eror Sox Lancet (Milos knew a few things about magic) when he was stopped by Bob. While Milos knew how to handle the Eror Sox Lancet, he adhered to Bob's wishes and instead used the technology of the Resort to revive Pikapunk.

After Bob and Milos left Pikapunk alone, a sinister voice called out to him and told him of something Mike P apparently did to wrong Pikapunk. Pikapunk, being highly prone to suggestion, quickly went after Mike P. In Mexico, Mike P and Cruton were tricked by a senorita with pointed ears into fighting the ferocious Pedro the Bull. They went to the bull-fighting arena and were shocked to see a monstrous bull, more minotaur than moo-cow. This proved to be a false first impression, though, as Mike P shot a plasma blast at Pedro and the elaborate paper-mache robo-suit Pedro was wearing turned to dust. Pedro was not a minotaur at all, but some crazy round bull-like creature.

After a short battle, Mike P and Cruton regained their senses and realized that "Buenos Dies" meant "Good Day". Alas, they had come too far and had to defeat poor Pedro. However, Pikapunk had arrived to defeat them. Pikapunk, acting with rage, did so quickly but was brought to his senses when Pedro fell into his head. As the quartet realized they were no longer welcome in Mexico, they made their way to the United States where they came upon a deranged Pat Buchanan constructing a wall around the country! Shortly after, the five deranged Eskimos had arrived to end the lives of Mike P, Cruton, Pikapunk, and Pedro the Bull.

At this point, Mike P was becoming filled with rage. The rage built as the Eskimos began a medley of Vanilla Ice's greatest hit. Fueled with rage, Mike P launched himself at the Eskimos. In moments, he had caused three of the Eskimos to knock each other out. Unfortunately, he had inadvertently caused Pedro, Pikapunk, and Cruton to knock each other out as well. A random superhero named Fadeaway had also come down to see what the commotion was, and Mike P misconstrued his intentions. Soon, Fadeaway was knocked out as well. Now only Mike P stood against the deranged team of Pat Buchanan and two Eskimos.

Mike P quickly dealt with one of the Eskimos, but the other summoned a giant mantis shrimp who was convinced he was the reincarnation of John Stamos to the border. Despite a terrible battle, MIke P defeated the creature. The final Eskimo ran away after this, knowing she had no chance. Mike P then turned his intentions to Pat Buchanan. Unfortunately, before they could battle, Cruton, Pikapunk, Pedro, Fadeaway, and the remaining Eskimos awoke and knocked out both Pat Buchanan and each other once again. They were aiming for Mike P, however.

As Mike P basked in this minor victory, Jerald came and warned him of the coming of Purga. Mike P treated this warning with arrogance, and soon paid the price. Due to the amount of stress that had recently been placed on it, Mike P's hat was weakened. Purga arrived, and aimed a single weak attack at the hat. The hat exploded, seemingly taking Mike P and the wall Pat Buchanan had built with it. As everyone awoke, the Eskimos fled while Fadeway simply continued flying to where he was going.  Meanwhile, Cruton, Pikapunk, and Pedo mistook a piece of exploded cactus for Mike P's remains and thought him dead. Cruton took command after this, and the trio continued into the United States.

Meanwhile, back at the Resort, the one who had driven the Eskimos and Pat Buchanan to insanity and convinced Kribbs to press to press the button revealed himself: a draconic sorcerer named Xuxin who had crossed paths with Milos and Jerald several times before. The first one at the Resort he encountered was Bob. Xuxin froze him in time for several minutes, and during this time he had a mercenary named Kurlog capture Joe for unknown purposes. Several minutes later,  Ned and Nill found Bob, still frozen in time. He became unfrozen and ran off to rescue his friend.

Back in the United States, Cruton, Pedro, and Pikapunk entered Oklahoma. They met opposition from a strong, angry man named Bobo who was there to kill them. When asked for reasons, Bobo only claimed it was because "Mister Moore tol' me to" and left it at that. The trio proved to be too fast for Bobo, and Bobo tired himself out and fell asleep. Fearful of waking up Bobo, the trio made the bad decision to walk about six dozen miles out of their way. In the middle of some field, they met Mike Q, who tried to convince them he was Mike P. The trio was not fooled, but decided to run with it for reasons unknown.

Ned and Nill, who were seeking Mike P due to the fact that his Resort was under siege, soon came upon the quartet of wanderers in a stolen plane. Mike Q demanded to be taken to Canada in order to take the position of "Grand Moff of Canada". This was currently being held by a fat twenty-six year old named Bob Saget. Mike Q, Cruton, Pikapunk, and Pedro knocked the slob out and Mike Q declared himself Grand Moff of Canada. Cruton, despite never having been to Canada, decided to test Mike Q and demanded the new Grand Moff lift a false banishment from Canada. After Mike Q refused, Cruton decided that enough was enough. However, Mike Q killed Pikapunk and made short work of Cruton and Pedro.

Meanwhile, Mike P was not dead. After Purga had hit Mike P's hat, the backlash was so strong that Purga retreated back to his domain. Mike P attempted to follow, but the gateway closed and he was stuck between the Earth and Hell. However, thanks to Jerald, two men named Frank and Larry helped guide Mike P back to the real world. Two attempts were made, both focused on pressing a button on the A-Hole. The first attempt involved possessing Kribbs, but Kribbs was driven to suicide by the fact that Mike P was within him.

The second attempt was altogether more convuluted. Mike P possessed Juan Curtis Lizard, the councilman that had been framed in BFNA, and utilized his connections to bring together a powerful but generic group of warriors. The only stand-out was Baggy Brigadier, a hobo who possesses an armory under his jacket. Their journey was fairly short and painless, the only battle was against a giant magical automaton summoned by Xuxim. Baggy Brigadier was the hero of the day, utiziling a heat-seeking missile to destroy the automaton. However, the other warriors wanted to destroy Baggy Brigadier for being a threat, but Mike P (still in the body of Juan Curtis Lizard) led Baggy to safety via the A-Hole.

Pressing a button on the A-Hole sent the two careening through time and space. Mike P ended up at the end of the battle between Cruton and Mike Q. Baggy Brigadier ended up in Moleside, moments before his past self left on the quest to revive Mike P. Due to this temporal shift, Baggy Brigadier had an alibi and was not hunted down and killed. Meanwhile, Mike P defeated Mike Q. After obtaining a chartered flight further North, Mike P, Cruton, and Pedro discovered a wormhole in the middle of an abandoned Eskimo town. They went through it and found themselves above Moleside. Baggy Brigadier and Milos arrived, citing that they had driven Xuxim and Kurlog there.

Xuxim and Kurlog were not alone. Among their group were the John Stamos mantis shrimp, the two leaders of the deranged Eskimos, and Mike Q. Despite the odds being against them, Mike P's group was triumphant. Xuxim fled with Kurlog to some backwater planet. Squibbons Johnson came and retrieved Mike Q, who had fallen down the mountain, and was Squibbons' slave at the time. The Eskimos, free of Xuxim's influence, returned to their home and lived peacefully. Finally, the John Stamos mantis shrimp was taken to an aquatic asylum, as he was obviously crazy. Milos, Pedro, and Baggy Brigadier left Mike P and Cruton after this. Milos has continued his journies. Baggy returned to Moleside. Pedro wandered into the desert and supposedly hasn't seen since.

Mike P and Cruton, however, went on to steal Easter... more on that tomorrow. Only one more Canon Fodder until I write the great American novel that is the history of AOMP. Won't that be fun?