On April 27, 1912, a strange and sinister jinx fell on Salisbury Palace, in the form of a gargantuan black cat. It has lingered ever since, the bane of a blameless, god-fearing community.  And ever since the cat’s cruel descent, the skies over Salisbury have been the vile colour of curdled, chocolate milk. The stench of unlawful death hangs like a cumbersome machine in the sky and the walls of the palace are saturated with the perturbing drone of the undead. It is a strange thing indeed, then, that some folk do not heed the warning to keep away from the Palace grounds. You, it seems, are one of these ill-brained people. Aiming, no doubt, to rid the world of this dark menace, you are bound, alas, to fail. For many have entered lustily into the very bowels of Salisbury, and yet none has returned.

So I shall give you one more chance to leave: take it while you can!

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