Seems like lately, all I have time to do is write movie reviews. This damn job of mine is driving me crazy. But you know how it is, that's why they call it work I suppose.

Anyway, I managed to take a mental break and go see Superman Returns, and you know, I came away thinking that Superman is kind of problematical.

We're all familiar with the famous Superman speech from Kill Bill 2, the one that ends with Bill claiming that Clark Kent; weak, cowardly, unsure of himself; is Superman's comment on the whole human race. Well, that's pretty much true it seems. How could you not be like that if you were completely invulnerable to anything the human race could produce? And if you were that way, what would there really be to stop you from taking anything you wanted?

Superman is always portrayed as this "by the book boyscout." I was watching the orginial 1978 Superman the other day and Lois Lane said something like "I just don't trust any politicians." And Superman replied in a super condescending tone, "Now Lois, you don't really mean that." Christ, it's like pro-American propaganda designed to brainwash the masses....but whatever, so is everything else that comes at you through a television monitor.

But the thing is, Superman HAS to be that way. What would happen if Superman decided that the presidential elections were rigged and he decided to put a different man in power? Shit, the whole world would freak out. The half that wanted the cheating president would be furious and they'd probably try to kill Superman, and the other half would retaliate and there would be a bigger moment of strife and conflict than anything Superman might have prevented with his intervention. So Superman, despite all his powers, is relegated to a simplistic position of just pulling kittens from trees and running into burning buildings and shit like that, plus endlessly saving Lois Lane from a billion idiotic situations that she could have easily avoided.

Speaking about that, WTF? At some point wouldn't it be nice if a screenwriter pointed out that every time Superman makes the choice to save Lois, he is, in effect, allowing some other person somewhere else in the world to die. Selfish bastard. But that's the garage he parks his supersalami in, if you know what I mean. At least it was, until Lois went out and married the biggest sucker in the world...Cyclops. Now if Cyclops can't even keep Wolverine off his woman, what the hell's he supposed to do about Superman?

But see, all those conflicts actually arise in this new Superman movie and make Superman look a little creepy. It simply isn't appropriate for Superman to come floating out of the night and stalk Lois Lane's house by using his supervision to watch her interact with her new husband. It's not appropriate for Superman to suggest that he and Lois go for an "innocent little fly." Good luck going back to your mortal dipshit husband after taking a spin around the block with God! What Superman wants, Superman gets.

But you know what the whole Superman franchise needs more of? It needs more of Superman dealing with these kind of problems. He should be standing there saying, "I can do what I want, why shouldn't I?" What the hell kind of message is Superman trying to send to people? That you shouldn't take advantage of a situation in which you are in power, in which you hold all the cards? Do you think that ever happens in real life?

I give you a hint...actually I'll just tell you flat out.

No, it doesn't.

The End