Lately this bitchy cousin of mine just can't figure out that every time she opens her mouth, shit comes out. I think I've painted a verbal picture of her before, but in case you still don't have the image in your mind, I'll have another go at it. She's the typical ex-high school beauty queen who, during that unfortunate and undeserved phase in her life, was imbibed with the eternal belief that she is something special. Now that she's in her late-thirties with a family and a steady income (which, although she'll never admit it, comes directly from all the men in her life) she somehow thinks that she's an "adult" and that she can pass judgment on someone like me.

You see, this is just the typical bullshit that all men have to put with all the time. If I was dealing with a man in a situation like this, the problem could be easily solved. Men just inherently know that if some guy isn't treating you with respect then you can settle it by kicking them in the teeth. Maybe you'll lose the fight, but either way, the other party will respect you in the end just for getting hot under the collar and letting the argument out rather than sit and stew on it for years and years. That's what women do, they just sit there and never release and pick and pick and pick at you until...well, nothing ever happens. It's completely useless and pathetic really.

But I digress.

The current conflict is this bitch's attitude that because I haven't gotten married and started up a family by now, I'm "immature." That's the only reason for it: immaturity.

Notice how there's not any respect for my chosen lifestyle. No tolerance or acceptance of the belief system that I have installed for my life. None of those higher "mature" ideals that people like her are always claiming to champion. Nope, I'm "immature." A negative and condescending adjective. It's also a backhand compliment for herself because for her to be able to recognize that someone else is immature, it is only logical that she herself must be mature.

Bitch.

Why is it that people immediately assess the most negative, juvenile explanation to any situation they don't immediately understand?

I got into another argument with another bitch a while ago. During the course of casual conversation, I mentioned that I thought it would be nice to have some children someday, but I wasn't ready for them just yet. She made some comment about how children take responsibility and she didn't think that I had the inherent responsibility necessary.

"You don't think I'm responsible enough?"

"No."

"Well I was responsible enough to avoid an unwanted pregnancy at the age of 18 unlike you."

That pretty much ended that conversation.

You know, now that I write this, do you know what it all comes down to? All these people seem to keep manufacturing these situations in which they get to declare themselves somehow superior to me in a public forum. I suppose I should be flattered by the fact that they're so intimidated by me that they need to publicly destroy me, but it still strikes me as pathetic.

Another argument that I'm hearing with greater and greater frequency lately is that women have a "biological clock" and if they don't have babies before a certain age, they won't have them.

Excuse me? This is my problem how?

"Oh," they say, "if you're with this women then you have a responsibility to fulfill their maternal dreams."

What?

"Yes, they can only have a baby with your input so if you really, really love them, you'll do it."

Bullshit alarm.

Gentlemen out there, let me just remind you all that you have a right to say no. No means no. Your genetic material is yours and if you aren't ready to have children yet, then don't. We're men. We can have babies until we're 99 years old! Why the rush? So to paraphrase an old ad that was meant to empower young women to avoid having sex with overaggressive men, let me just mention that: even if you've been with her a really long time, even if she paid for dinner, even if all your other friends are doing it, even if she says she really, really loves you...you have a right to say no, you have a right to say no, you have a right to say NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

And just squirting out a couple babies doesn't make you mature. I know it for a fact, I've seen a lot of idiots with babies, and all the idiots I know were also once babies themselves and came from idiot parents.

How about this for a deal? No babies until she puts 10,000 into a savings account under your name? Shit, in the age of equality, what could be more fair?

The End