//I will be inserting commentary via C++ style 
//comment slashes


Dairyblues: hey
EvilPlutocrat: hi :-)

//the use of emoticons is a sign of sincerity--we 
//would otherwise not have emotions without them

Dairyblues: how are you doing today?
EvilPlutocrat: good
Dairyblues: sorry i had to go without saying bye the
other day
EvilPlutocrat: that's fine, and you did, actually say
goodbye
Dairyblues: well, i didn't get to tell you live, lol
EvilPlutocrat: ah well
EvilPlutocrat: So what's up?
Dairyblues: just got done shopping
Dairyblues: lol
Dairyblues: what a girl thing, i know
EvilPlutocrat: well, sometimes I like to
shop...well...no, not really lol
Dairyblues: but my bro and i went out earlier before
he went to school, then my grandma and i went out to
finish some stuff up
Dairyblues: LOL
Dairyblues: you're such a dork :-)
EvilPlutocrat: lol
Dairyblues: i can't wait for mother's day
Dairyblues: i'm so excited
EvilPlutocrat: I can't wait, either.
EvilPlutocrat: I'm not sure what to get...
Dairyblues: i have so much stuff, i have to save some
for bday, and some for like next mother's day, or
something, lol
Dairyblues: what does your mommy like?

//Isn't she a darling?  She said "mommy."

EvilPlutocrat: She likes it when I read aloud to her.
EvilPlutocrat: When I was a kid, she used to put me to
sleep by reading a story...now I return the favor, I
guess.
Dairyblues: you read to her before bed then?
EvilPlutocrat: yep
EvilPlutocrat: it's kind of weird

//Not to mention perverse, but I know she's going to
//melt like butter hearing about it.

Dairyblues: what about a cute bedtime stories book,
like precious moments, or something
Dairyblues: it comes from the heart, and you'll both
enjoy it
EvilPlutocrat: lol...that might be interesting

//I'm sure she finds them to be quite thought-
//provoking.  Just right for her.

Dairyblues: i don't think it's weird at all, i think
it's sweet

//Of course you do, sweetmeat.

EvilPlutocrat: hmm, I'll consider it...
EvilPlutocrat: maybe I should try one of those Chicken
Soup for the Soul books...are those any good?
Dairyblues: yeah, they're wonderful!

//Wow, how did I ever guess that one?

Dairyblues: i have a few
Dairyblues: i love when people read to me when i'm
going to sleep
EvilPlutocrat: I do too...Luke is messaging me
again...he's weird
Dairyblues: he said you're the nicest guy he knows

//Tsk tsk...I know for a fact that you took that 
//out of context...lies make baby Jesus cry...

Dairyblues: :-)
EvilPlutocrat: is that all he said...?  ;-)
Dairyblues: well... i'll never tell ;-)

//how very coy...

EvilPlutocrat: okay
Dairyblues: anyways, how was your day?
EvilPlutocrat: good
Dairyblues: what did you do?
EvilPlutocrat: a little prayer before the day, a
review for an upcoming final
EvilPlutocrat: the usual
Dairyblues: what classes are you taking?
EvilPlutocrat: mostly programming classes
Dairyblues: computer?
EvilPlutocrat: yep
EvilPlutocrat: I like the process of it...it's more
art than science, really
Dairyblues: that's really cool
EvilPlutocrat: heh, I like to think so, but a lot of
my peers think I'm a bit "square"
Dairyblues: L7
Dairyblues: heh
Dairyblues: well, i'm a dork!

//no shit...

EvilPlutocrat: oh I don't know...a lot of people think
that of themselves
Dairyblues: i am for real though, it's a wonderful
thing
Dairyblues: not a dork in a bad way, a dork in a cool
way

//keep telling yourself that...

EvilPlutocrat: I've noticed over the years that the
"popular" people are kind of...bland, if you know what
I mean.
Dairyblues: i know exactly what you mean
Dairyblues: and shallow

//nothing like you, my dear

EvilPlutocrat: if they only knew how much more they
could be...
Dairyblues: that's why we have to show them through
our actions!
EvilPlutocrat: indeed...
Dairyblues: i went to post prom with my bro and some
friends last weekend, and we were playing minigolf,
and i have bruises all over my knees, because we were
being like on happy gilmore, and hitting the balls
really hard...
EvilPlutocrat: lol
Dairyblues: this one ball i hit, hit a huge rock and
came back at me and hit me in the shin, it was great
EvilPlutocrat: um...sure, that sounds fun...lol

//wow...just fucking...wow...

Dairyblues: my buddy hit a ball into the parking lot,
and almost hit this stellar viper... we were all just
about ready to pee our pants, lol

//watersports fetish repressed? ...naw...

EvilPlutocrat: yeah, people care quite a bit about
their cars...a little too much sometimes heh

//for a brief moment I considered pointing out that
//one shouldn't worship cars like they were idols...
//but really...you have to keep a leash on the little
//devil inside you if you want to do something 
//worthwhile in the long run

Dairyblues: yeah, but it was a viper!!!
Dairyblues: i love cars
EvilPlutocrat: I know what you mean...it would have
been a shame...
Dairyblues: but anyways, that was my fun for the
weekend
EvilPlutocrat: I'm trying to think of something
interesting...
Dairyblues: heh goodluck

//bitch

Dairyblues: tell me about yourself
EvilPlutocrat: me?  my favorite color is green, I
liked micromachines as a kid...hmm
Dairyblues: sweet!
EvilPlutocrat: I discovered why they were considered a
choking hazard
EvilPlutocrat: at the age of 15!
EvilPlutocrat: hehe
Dairyblues: lol, tell me about it
EvilPlutocrat: well...it was for $10...and at 15, with
no job, I was like "I've never seen that much money
before!"
EvilPlutocrat: my friend actually prepared to do the
heimlich manoever in advance...so it turned out ok
Dairyblues: LOL
Dairyblues: were you supposed to swallow it?

//oh shit, don't make me think about such things now

EvilPlutocrat: well...I figured it probably wasn't too
toxic
Dairyblues: oh goodness
EvilPlutocrat: boy, that little car shot out of my
mouth at high speed
EvilPlutocrat: the Heimlich manoever definitely works

//Phew!  I was worried for a second I wouldn't be 
//to match her Happy Gilmore stupidity

Dairyblues: HAHAHAHAHA!!!
EvilPlutocrat: so...yeah...there's one of life's
lessons
Dairyblues: that is great!
Dairyblues: see, you're definitely not square!

//because swallowing cars is definitely cool

EvilPlutocrat: only willing to eat small toys for
money...
EvilPlutocrat: I guess that's cool...yeah...lol
Dairyblues: i have a virtual pet at the virtual zoo
Dairyblues: :-)
Dairyblues: it's a seal
EvilPlutocrat: virtual zoo? 
Dairyblues: yeah, virtualzoo.com
Dairyblues: lol
EvilPlutocrat: I gotta check this out...
Dairyblues: you can teach it to do stuff, it's
actually pretty cool
EvilPlutocrat: teach it...kind of makes me wonder
sometimes about where computers are headed
Dairyblues: my seal can love me, take a bath, drive a
car, stand up, and become a secret agent
Dairyblues: heh
Dairyblues: i'm now teaching him how to fish
Dairyblues: i love fishing
EvilPlutocrat: teaching him how to fish, so that he
may eat for a lifetime?
Dairyblues: i have a cool poster with that on it

//she didn't catch the reference...she's too wrapped
//up in her pride and joy...the virtual seal

EvilPlutocrat: 92057 pets...wow
Dairyblues:  a little earlier luke asked what you told
me about God
Dairyblues: i'm number 50024

//she has to squeeze out that last bit of info on her 
//pet before we start something serious, like an old
//gomer squeezing the last drops of piss out of his 
//shrivled cock

EvilPlutocrat: perhaps he's curious?
EvilPlutocrat: I think a part of him is willing to
come back.
Dairyblues: i told him some stuff, and he hasn't
responded
Dairyblues: i would really like to think so
EvilPlutocrat: I think that in itself might signify
something
EvilPlutocrat: his silence
Dairyblues: at least he didn't totally bash me, like
he usually does
Dairyblues: :-)

//very nice, Luke...good to show restraint

EvilPlutocrat: that's good
EvilPlutocrat: bashing is a defense mechanism, it
pushes people away 
Dairyblues: yeah, i just try to be really nice, and
don't start a war
Dairyblues: even when i'm defending myself or my
faith, i put lots of little smiley faces, so he knows
that i'm not mad or upset

//exactly...clearly demonstrating how powerful these
//little yellow faces are

EvilPlutocrat: Sometimes that angers them more,
though.  They don't want to believe that you really
care, because it shames them.
EvilPlutocrat: I shouldn't just assume that about him,
though.
EvilPlutocrat: It's hard when you can't read minds.
Dairyblues: he's really deep though

//I'm sorry, Luke.  I had to laugh at this one.

EvilPlutocrat: That's good.  His own mind may bring
him to the light.
Dairyblues: and one thing i learned about him a long
time ago, even when he puts down your ideas, he thinks
about them later
Dairyblues: and he thinks hard, then asks you
questions

//this is truly alien to her

EvilPlutocrat: he can't help it, humans were made to
think
EvilPlutocrat: amongst other things, of course

//most important being complete fanaticism

Dairyblues: yeah, it's wonderful in that way
EvilPlutocrat: that's odd...he hasn't really brought
this up with me
Dairyblues: which part?
EvilPlutocrat: the theological debating
Dairyblues: wow, i have some saved, i should send them
to you
EvilPlutocrat: That would be nice.  It might be better
if I could talk to him directly some time, as well.

//consider this possibility

Dairyblues: we used to talk on the phone, then i don't
remember why we stopped, but we did
EvilPlutocrat: hmm...
EvilPlutocrat: Sometimes the issue of faith can tear
people up inside.
EvilPlutocrat: We all have a kind of microcosm within
us, where thoughts fight with each other.
Dairyblues: yeah, and it shouldn't be like that

//she was responding to "...the issue of faith..."
//but it's funny, nonetheless

Dairyblues: we just have to be the light
EvilPlutocrat: the right light, too

//the RIGHT light...this is critical...part of the
//implant...right now it's too "personal" to tell her
//about, though

Dairyblues: exactly
Dairyblues: so, where do you live now?
EvilPlutocrat: Minnesota
Dairyblues: so no where near luke
EvilPlutocrat: eh...sort of near
Dairyblues: is he still in menomonie?
EvilPlutocrat: I believe so
Dairyblues: k
Dairyblues: then you're prolly around mid to southers
MN?
EvilPlutocrat: yep
Dairyblues: i'm pretty smart

//oh yes, I knew how smart you were from the moment
//you started talking

Dairyblues: i'm in like mid iowa
EvilPlutocrat: I noticed

//I'm responding to her saying how smart she is...
//and waiting for her to drop that piece of cheese
//out of her beak

Dairyblues: lol
EvilPlutocrat: hehe
Dairyblues: luke was gonna spend spring break with us
last year (2002) but it just didn't work out
EvilPlutocrat: didn't get past the initial planning
stage?
Dairyblues: no, it got right up until the week before,
and he backed out, i don't remember why... then jeff
and brian came down (the week before spring break) and
we were gonna go up there the next week, but my friend
got pregnant a couple months before and was having
really bad morning sickness, and it just all kinda
fell apart

//do YOU remember the reason?  might be useful...

EvilPlutocrat: "complications"...the word that sums
things up
Dairyblues: yeah, i guess it just wasn't meant to be
Dairyblues: we got a hotel room in madison, so it'd
kinda be close, but God had other plans, lol
EvilPlutocrat: meant to be...fate is such an odd
concept to me
Dairyblues: but oh so true
EvilPlutocrat: we have free will and a fate...I once
thought of it as a contradiction, but really it's a
complex paradox

//a long pause after this one...I'm so brainy, she's
//probably sitting in a puddle right now

Dairyblues: they work nicely together
Dairyblues: God always has a perfect plan
EvilPlutocrat: indeed...so very grand
Dairyblues: He is my sonshine, my only sonshine
Dairyblues: by the way, i'm going to Sonshine, are
you?
EvilPlutocrat: People ask me "why would a perfect God
create such an imperfect universe"?  I ask them "why
would a perfect God create a universe at all"?
EvilPlutocrat: Sonshine?  Is that a gathering of some
type?  I'm kind of shy and "out of it"
Dairyblues: when He created it, it was perfect though
Dairyblues: sorry, it a Christian music festival in
Willmar
EvilPlutocrat: I like to stump them with that one,
though.
Dairyblues: it's really something to think about
EvilPlutocrat: Christian music festival.  I'll have to
look into it.

//my Sister Miriam Godwindson quote fizzles out...
//a little too sophisticated, perhaps?

Dairyblues: www.sonshinefestival.com
EvilPlutocrat: I'll occasionally remember things like
"Do you agree with Dave?" but then forget about them
later.
Dairyblues: what? i'm confused
EvilPlutocrat: lol..."Do you agree with Dave?" was an
odd strategy to get people to come to a sermon.

//Iowa state was faggoted up like a ten year old
//girl's notebook after these Christian chuds 
//absolutely littered every square inch of ground
//with these fucking posters and signs

EvilPlutocrat: There were signs with only "Do you
agree with Dave?", but no other explanation given.
EvilPlutocrat: So people showed up, just a random
crowd of people, and heard a guy named Dave talk about
God and Jesus.
Dairyblues: oh, that's really cool
Dairyblues: i think i've heard of that, but maybe i'm
just making it up, lol
EvilPlutocrat: what's interesting is that people
stayed.  Even though they would have initially not
gone...when they went without knowing what it
was...they stayed.

//it was a disaster, which is the real reason why
//she didn't hear about it...normal people don't 
//have the patience for that crap anymore

Dairyblues: good plan
EvilPlutocrat: People who don't have faith...it's like
a part of them is asleep, in a way.  
EvilPlutocrat: It takes something to wake it up.
EvilPlutocrat: The right thing, I mean.
Dairyblues: and sometimes they just wanna lay in bed
Dairyblues: and put the covers over their head
Dairyblues: cause they're comfortable there
EvilPlutocrat: a sign of depression, that is :-(
EvilPlutocrat: People who are sad tend to not want to
wake up.
Dairyblues: that's why we have such a big
responsibility to be good examples
EvilPlutocrat: I know.  It's both a burden and a
blessing.
Dairyblues: yeah, but it keeps us up
Dairyblues: and accountable
Dairyblues: are you gonna check out sonshine?
EvilPlutocrat: I'm looking at the website
EvilPlutocrat: wow that's a lot of bands
Dairyblues: and it's some of everything
Dairyblues: no matter what kind of music you like, it
will be there
Dairyblues: i promise, lol
EvilPlutocrat: I like a little of everything
EvilPlutocrat: music of all kinds are ways in which
the soul can communicate
Dairyblues: from country, to acid rock, to r&b, to
rap, to praise and worship... i mean EVERYTHING!
Dairyblues: i totally agree
Dairyblues: i love music

//isn't it such a shame that I'm too shy to go to 
//a concert?

EvilPlutocrat: art and music...thank God for those
Dairyblues: thank you God!
Dairyblues: heh
Dairyblues: i did for you
EvilPlutocrat: heh
Dairyblues: you know what though, my mommy just got
home from being out of town for work, and i need to go
spend some time with her

//she has to remind me that she, too, has a mommy...
//we already have soooo much in common...

EvilPlutocrat: ok, have fun
EvilPlutocrat: it was nice talking to you
Dairyblues: nice talking to you too
Dairyblues: have a super de duper night
EvilPlutocrat: heh ok
EvilPlutocrat: you too
Dairyblues: thanks, later gator

//good byes are dragged out....
Dairyblues signed off at 6:19:35 PM. 
 

Dairyblues: howdy stranger
//"stranger"...that gives me teh bonar

EvilPlutocrat: heya
EvilPlutocrat: what's up?
Dairyblues: i'm in minnesota, just getting ready for
the sonshine music fest
//oh fuck!  How could something so important have
slipped my mind?

Dairyblues: what ar eyou up to
EvilPlutocrat: not much
Dairyblues: that sounds like a lot of fun!!!
//the cunt has the nerve to patronize me

EvilPlutocrat: lol
Dairyblues: i haven't talked to you forever
EvilPlutocrat: yeah, you were gone for quite a while,
or something
Dairyblues: i went to europe
//really?  How were Albania, Slovenia, and Bosnia? 
 
Dairyblues: then things have just been really rough
for me
//excellent

EvilPlutocrat: how so?
Dairyblues: well, my bf left for tn\
EvilPlutocrat: tn?
Dairyblues: tennessee a couple of days before i left
for europe, and he called every night and things were
great...
//it was nice of him to humor you

Dairyblues: then i left for europe, and when i got
back, things were still great...
Dairyblues: then one day, he just decided he needed
some space, and told me he'd call when he was ready...
Dairyblues: i haven't heard from him since
//you are dumped.  you have been flushed down the
toilet and gratefully forgotten

EvilPlutocrat: needed some space?  :-\
EvilPlutocrat: I'm sorry to hear that.
Dairyblues: yeah, it's not like we had a fight or
anything... one minute he was telling me how much he
missed me, and how he's so glad i'm home, and
everything like that... then the next minute... he
needs space???  i don't get it, and i've been really
hurt and confused!
//you're a lot more appealing when you're on the other
side of the planet

EvilPlutocrat: I don't know why people do that.
Dairyblues: i don't either, but it makes me sad :-(
EvilPlutocrat: people are so aimless and inconsistent
these days, I can't figure out what's happening
Dairyblues: you think you know someone... it makes you
wonder if they really know themselves
EvilPlutocrat: it sounds like he has been dishonest
about something
Dairyblues: well, he's dealing (not very well,
obviously) with a lot right now
Dairyblues: here's the deal...
Dairyblues: he grew up with 3 best friends, eric,
thomas, and chris- and he has 2 sisters, faith, and
bethany (he's super close with faith)...
//as was Lot with his two daughters

Dairyblues: eric moved to virginia in may... faith is
getting married on saturday and moving to tennessee,
thomas is getting married to sandy (another good
friend) in a couple of weeks and moving to florida,
chris and bethany are moving to florida the end of
august...
Dairyblues: see what's going on here?
//no.  I have no fucking clue.  Please explain.

EvilPlutocrat: everyone he knows is moving away
EvilPlutocrat: maybe he is pushing you away so he
won't have to deal with you leaving him...?
Dairyblues: see, either that, or he doesn't know how
to handle things... or he's just to immature to be in
a serious relationship or something... ah, boys
confuse me!
//as do most things, I would imagine

Dairyblues: we've been together for 6 months too
//6...whole...months...I can't imagine

Dairyblues: i know it's not too long, but i'd think it
would be long enough for him to know that he can come
to me, and i'll always be here for him
EvilPlutocrat: do you feel that he's taking that for
granted?
Dairyblues: well, not really, but i just don't know
what to do... God's really been helping me, but
sometimes it just hurts really bad
EvilPlutocrat: how long has it been since you've
talked to him?
Dairyblues: ummm, well, it was the 26th of june the
last time... and his bday was on the 28th and i didn't
even get to spend it with him :-(
EvilPlutocrat: It could be anything...he might be
profoundly depressed, or not wanting a
relationship...if you can't get a straight answer from
him, there's not much that can be done...I'm not sure
what to say.
Dairyblues: you don't have to say anything... just
listening to me gripe is enought! lol... thanks for
being a great friend
//suck my cock

EvilPlutocrat: you are very welcome, though I wish I
could be more of a help
Dairyblues: :-)
EvilPlutocrat: I used to suffer from depression, but I
had a dream where God told me something.
Dairyblues: what did he tell you?
EvilPlutocrat: He was just a white circle, but somehow
I sort of knew it was Him.  He said "It is good."  But
in a way I can't describe.
EvilPlutocrat: And then everything felt different...
//it's so simple and stupid, but in a very cute way

Dairyblues: i have meetings with my pastor to talk
about stuff that's going on in my life... and he told
me to read james 1:2 i think... it pretty much says,
count everything as a good!
//so when life throws its shit at you, you learn to
love the taste of shit 

EvilPlutocrat: it's so simple, people seem too willing
to dismiss it
Dairyblues: well, i'd better be heading to bed, it's
WAY past my bedtime
Dairyblues: and i totally agree
EvilPlutocrat: lol I'm feeling sleepy too
Dairyblues: God is good, even when we can't see the
big picture
Dairyblues: :-)
EvilPlutocrat: amen to that
EvilPlutocrat: good night
Dairyblues: well, have a great night!
Dairyblues: bye hon
Dairyblues: and thank you
EvilPlutocrat: you're welcome
Dairyblues: :-) bye
EvilPlutocrat: good night
Dairyblues: night
//shut the fuck up already and leave me!  The bitch
interrupted me while I was jerking off to 
//creampie.com.  This whole conversation gave me a
rubbery one.

Dairyblues: hey
EvilPlutocrat: hi
Dairyblues: what's up?
EvilPlutocrat: not much, I was just surfing the net
Dairyblues: oh, how fun!!!
//yes, technology is great fun indeed when it relates
to the mundane

EvilPlutocrat: how are you?
Dairyblues: i saw lots of sweet bands tonight
//I can only imagine the horror

EvilPlutocrat: that's cool
Dairyblues: where do you live again?
EvilPlutocrat: Oakdale
Dairyblues: hmmm, and where is that?
EvilPlutocrat: in Minnesota
Dairyblues: well, i figured that, but where exactly?
//2337 Hilo Ave. North
//55128
//44n59, 92w58
//what the fuck do I have to say to shut her up?

Dairyblues: anywhere close to willmar?
EvilPlutocrat: I'm not sure
EvilPlutocrat: it's near the Twin Cities
EvilPlutocrat: I don't pay attention to directions, I
just drive around until I run out of gas
Dairyblues: lol, you're crazy
//IM NOT FUCKING CRAZY YOU MUNGLAY

EvilPlutocrat: yeah, I ended up in Minnetonka once,
because I went the wrong way on 694, then it made a
loop and brought me back home
EvilPlutocrat: it only took me four hours
Dairyblues: LOL
Dairyblues: remind me to never take a road trip with
you... unless i get off work for the next couple of
days
Dairyblues: ;-)
//she has to wink to make sure I'm not horribly
offended

EvilPlutocrat: that's a good idea
EvilPlutocrat: lol
Dairyblues: guess what
EvilPlutocrat: it's your birthday?
Dairyblues: lol, no, but yesterday was my mom's!
//wow!  what a coincidence!  if not for the Bible,
you'd be calling your psychic friend every day

Dairyblues: i'm wearing blue mascara... and looking
pretty sexy, lol
//I'm going to be limp for a week

EvilPlutocrat: cool
Dairyblues: it makes me feel good about myself...
isn't that silly?!
//yes...it's downright stupid, in fact

EvilPlutocrat: if it makes you feel good about
yourself, it's a good thing!
Dairyblues: heh, or just lets me know how much of a
dork i am
Dairyblues: oh, i saw this guy today that looked a lot
like luke, it was really weird
EvilPlutocrat: at the concert?
Dairyblues: yeah
//I know that wasn't Luke, because he knows I would
murder him if I found out he went to something like
that

EvilPlutocrat: weird...
Dairyblues: i know... it's something that you should
look into for like next year or something... i really
think you would enjoy it
EvilPlutocrat: it sounds fun
EvilPlutocrat: im kind of shy though
Dairyblues: that's ok... i'm shy too, lol
//you mean you've been sparing me the brunt of
yourself?

Dairyblues: i just got a great email that i want to
send you... what's your addy?
EvilPlutocrat: Jack_Blank000@yahoo.com
Dairyblues: are those zeros?
//no, they're eights

EvilPlutocrat: yep
Dairyblues: k, i sent it
Dairyblues: it's great
//ok, I'll be sure to brace myself

EvilPlutocrat: lol
Dairyblues: did you read it?
EvilPlutocrat: yeah
//unfortunately

Dairyblues: isn't that just the funniest?
/* WARNING: GOUGE EYES OUT BEFORE PROCEEDING!
   Advertencia: ¡Escoplee con gubia sus ojos hacia
fuera antes de proceder! 
   Avertissement: Gougez vos yeux dehors avant la
marche à suivre!
   Warnung: Meißeln Sie Ihre Augen aus, heraus bevor
Sie fortfahren! 

HORRIBLE EMAIL BEGINS
----------------------------------------------------------------------
  
Note: this IS a forward, but I like it. I don't send
that much spam, do
I?

Why God made IOWA

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was
missing for six
days.

Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting
on the seventh
day. He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly
pointed downwards
through the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've
made."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is
it?"

It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it.
I'm going to
call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of
balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing to different parts of earth,
"For example,
northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity
and wealth while
southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East
over there will be
a hot spot. Over there I've placed a continent of
white people and over
there is a continent of black people," God continued,
pointing to
different countries. "This one will be extremely hot
and arid while
this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed
to a large
land mass and said, "What's that one?" "Ah," said God.
"That's IOWA,
the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful
lakes, rivers,
sunsets and rolling hills. The people from IOWA are
going to be modest,
intelligent and humorous and they are going to be
found traveling the
world. They will be extremely sociable, hard working
and high
achieving, and they will be known throughout the world
as diplomats and
carriers of peace."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then
proclaimed, "What
about balance, God? You said there would be balance!"

God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the idiots I'm
putting around
them in Minnesota, Illinois, Wisconsin, Missouri and
Nebraska."

Only someone who has grown up in IOWA would forward
this e-mail.

---------------------------------------------------------------------
IT IS NOW SAFE TO RESUME THINKING
*/

EvilPlutocrat: yeah, and there's some truth to it
Dairyblues: oh stop, you know it's not true
Dairyblues: i'm not THAT much superior to you guys
//what a gross understatement

EvilPlutocrat: lol
Dairyblues: have you ever seen a pic of me?
EvilPlutocrat: you didn't almost kill yourself with a
micromachine
EvilPlutocrat: no, I haven't
Dairyblues: lol, did you swallow it?
//more of her repressed sexuality coming to the ugly
surface

Dairyblues: i just found one online if you'd like to
see it
EvilPlutocrat: no, my friend performed the heimlich
manuver
EvilPlutocrat: cool
Dairyblues: funny!
//we're both laughing, but for very different reasons

Dairyblues: go to
http://photos.yahoo.com/bc/rascal8511
//fuck!  I thought I could distract her and not have
to look at her

Dairyblues: are you there?
EvilPlutocrat: yep
Dairyblues: now click on like yahoo! P...
Dairyblues: it's under the first thing that says order
prints
Dairyblues: are you there?
//please hold my hand, technology frightens me

EvilPlutocrat: yep
EvilPlutocrat: you're in picture 13, right?
Dairyblues: yeah
EvilPlutocrat: cool
Dairyblues: how did you know?
EvilPlutocrat: that's the only picture with a girl in
it
Dairyblues: that's my brother on the right of me
Dairyblues: oh, lol, i'm a dork!
//...

Dairyblues: the one with the black hat is my bro!
Dairyblues: you can make it bigger by clicking on it
Dairyblues: (if you hadn't figured that out)
//she thinks I'm staring at a fucking thumbnail

Dairyblues: it's kinda bad... cause we had just gotten
off of a water ride... but anyways
EvilPlutocrat: it looks like you're having fun
Dairyblues: we were at six flags in houston
Dairyblues: we were at the national robotics
competition
//bullshit

Dairyblues: those are our friends, heh
Dairyblues: i got sunburned today
EvilPlutocrat: I hate it when that happens
Dairyblues: even though it's cold up here
//wow...it's cold, and yet the sun continues to
exist...hmmm...

Dairyblues: your weather stinks!!!
EvilPlutocrat: yeah
Dairyblues: i came from like 90 degree weather... to
this... ahhhh!
Dairyblues: so i only got burned on my face... cause i
had my sweatshirt on all day, lol
//in 70 degree weather...

Dairyblues: you know what though, i'm super tired, and
have to get up early to go hang out and watch bands...
so i'm gonna let you go... ok?
EvilPlutocrat: ok
EvilPlutocrat: I'm feeling a bit tired myself, heh
Dairyblues: sorry if i'm talking a lot and getting
annoying, lol
//oh don't you worry sweet heart, my expectations of
you are so very low

Dairyblues: well then, we'll go to sleep together
//uh oh!  this reminds me of that situation they
talked about in Bible Camp
//I better chop off my dick to make sure I don't
interpret that the wrong way

EvilPlutocrat: you're not annoying
Dairyblues: :-D
EvilPlutocrat: :-)
EvilPlutocrat: good night
Dairyblues: lol, ok, well, thank you... my brother
thinks that i am
Dairyblues: sweet dreams
Dairyblues: and goodnight