Andrewisms
Here are the quotes from Andrew that kept the show alive.
7.7
Conversations
with Dead People
" It eats you, starting with your bottom." (Desde abajo te
devora.)
" One time you left me, and I ended up a Mexican." –to
Warren/First
7.9 Never Leave Me
" I have to do work right now? Can’t I just walk around awhile in
my coat?" -to Warren/First
" I’d like twelve pork chops, two pounds of sausage,
eightquartsofpigsblood, three steaks, a halibut, some toothpaste…"
" This is a butcher shop, Neo. We don’t sell toothpaste."
–the butcher
" I fell in love with a beautiful vampire girl down in Mehico and now
we’re trying to make a go of it on the straight and narrow and put our lives
back together here in Sunnydale." –on why he needs blood
" I was going to bleed Andrew, but you look a lot better with your shirt
off." –Buffy/First, to Spike
7.10 Bring on the Night
" It’s
like in Wonder Woman, issue 297-299.
"Catacombs. With the skeletons. –Xander
"That was cool." –in unison, on the creepy school basement
" She seems like a good leader. Her hair is shiny. Does she
make you stab things?" -to Xander, on Buffy
" I admit I went over to the Dark Side. But only to pick up a couple
of things and now I’m back."
" But I’m like Vader in the last five minutes of Jedi, with redemptive
powers minus a redemptive struggle of epic redemption which chronicles… These
ropes itch."
"Listen
to me, man. I've got a bad feeling about this. My spider-sense is tingling. This
is going to get hairy. I'm talking weird with a beard. Better untie me."
"And that'll help us how?" --Buffy
"Okay, I know what you're thinking. Andrew. Bad guy. You think I'm a super villain. Like Dr. Doom or Apokalypse, or...or the Riddler."
7.11 Showtime
" I’m bored. Episode One bored."
" Why is that guy tied to a chair?" -Rona
The question you’ll soon be asking is, “Why isn’t he gagged?” -Xander
"Ow, watch it. That’s my joystick hand."
Not touchin’ that one. –Xander
" Did it ever occur to anyone that I could be a lot more useful around
here? I used to be an evil genius. Hello?"
" Climbing’s not my thing. I got an inner ear condition.
7.12 Potential
" He’s not evil. But when he gets close to it, he picks up its
flavour like a mushroom or something." –Buffy
" But I’m reformed. I’m like Vegeta on DragonBall Z. I used
to be a pure Sayan, and now I fight for the side of Gokou."
" Killing pigs is just so wrong. And also hard."
"It's not fair. Spike killed people, and he gets to go."
"Spike didn't have free will and you did." --Buffy
"I
hate my free will."
7.13 The Killer in Me
" You’re back!" Andrew hugs Willow/Warren around the chest.
"Bad touching!" –Willow/Warren
" I’m supposed to get a call when the new League of Extraordinary
Gentlemen comes in."
"Ooh can you see if you can get two? -Xander
" If you leave me here alone, I’ll do something evil, like burning
something or gluing things together."
7.14 First Date
"There's a button marked 'Clock Set', for pity's sake. What kind of a nerd are you? No wonder you crashed your jet pack." Jonathan/First to Andrew
"No. Get thee behind me!" takes out a cross, "I rebuke thee. Take that, The First!"
"Look you monkey," extends arm through the cross, "Ooh, ahh, it burns as it ineffectually passes through me."
"What do you want from me, Jonathan slash the First...You want me to hurt the girls?"
"Just the Potential Slayers. The girls must die. It'll be easy. Willow bought something to this house, something good, something you can use."
"The new microwave!"
"The gun" --Jonathan/First
"
Did you find the gun?" – Jonathan/First
"Yes. It was in Buffy’s underwear drawer. She has nice
things."
"Show me."
"Well, I didn’t take them, but there were thongs and regular
underpants…"
" Say, um, do you have any weaknesses I should know about if I’m gonna
work for you, like, uh, kryptonite or allergies?"
" Redemption is hard."
7.15 Get It Done
" Where the hell have you been? This funnel cake is kicking my ass."
" I like to think of myself more as a “guestage”."
" Well, he was evil, people got killed, and now he bakes. It’s a
thing." –Buffy
" Could we try to just keep our secret headquarters a little bit more
secret? Keep bringing people in, they’re gonna see everything.
They’ll see the Big Board."
7.16
Storyteller
[a gem of an episode]
" For God’s sake, Andrew! You’ve been in here thirty minutes.
What are you doing?" –Anya
"Entertaining and educating."
"Why can’t you just masturbate like the rest of us?"
" The world is going to want to know about Buffy. It’s a story of
ultimate triumph tainted with the bitterness for what’s been lost in the
struggle. It’s a legacy for future generations." [what I have to
say, summed up neatly by Andrew… what a guy]
" We don’t know much about them except that they’re very ugly, and
they’re very mobile for blind people." –on Bringers
" I’m a man with a burden, a man with a dark past. You see, I was
once a… Supervillain."
" I think she’s done talking. That usually means she had to go to
work." –on Buffy and her St. Crispin’s Day speeches
" Look at the fine work Xander did on replacing that window sash."
" You’re looking good." –Warren/First
"Am I? I probably have pillow creases."
" You put your old murder weapon in with our utensils?" –Willow
"I washed it."
" You stabbed Jonathan to death. What were you trying to do, scratch
his back from the front?" -Buffy
" So this is my redemption at last. I buy back my bruised soul with
the blood of my heart."
"Check out Spike and the Principal. There's something
going on there. Sexual tension you could cut with a knife."
7.17 Lies My Parents Told Me
"Willow, a call for you from LA. Somebody named Fred. Guy sounds kind of effeminate."
7.18 Dirty Girls
" Godzilla’s mostly Tokyo-based, so he’s probably a no-show."
7.19 Empty Places
" Um, Mr. Giles? Faith stole the last meatball-and-mozzarella-flavoured
Hot Pocket out of the freezer even though I called dibs on it. …Yup,
see? The Post-It’s still there. “Andrew’s, please do not
eat”, but the box is empty now. …See, it’s not the Hot Pocket itself
that matters, even though it had the new-and-improved thicker tomato sauce.
It’s just the fundamental lack of respect."
" I bet even covert operatives eat curly fries. They’re really
good."
"Not as good as those onion blossom things." –Spike
"I love those!"
"Yeah, me too."
"It’s an onion, yet it’s a flower. I don’t understand how such
a thing is possible."
"See, the genius is if you soak it in ice water for an hour or so, it holds
its shape. Then you deep fry it root-side-up for about five minutes."
"Masterful."
"If you tell anyone we had this conversation, I’ll bite you."
"Okay."
"This one time, when I was in Sunday school, I woke up later, so my mom
made me skip breakfast, and I was really hungry; so I told the teacher I had to
go to the bathroom, but I really broke into the supply cabinet and ate a whole
package of communion wafers."
"'Can't' is a four letter word. I'm Andrew. I'll be your 'bad cop' this evening. You better start singing or my associate here..."
7.20 Touched
"I spy with my little eye something that begins with a ...T"
"Tapestry" --Spike
"Hey, good one. How did you--"
"Tapestries
are the only things in the whole bloody room."
"I
spy with my little eye something that begins with a… Y."
There’s nothing here that begins with a Y." –Spike
"Yet another tapestry!"
"Don’t spazz out. Rock paper scissors?"
"What is wrong with you? Don’t you understand what’s happening
here?" - Spike
"Well,
I think we had a very successful trip. We rode on Spike’s hog, which was
very cool, and we played some amusing games, and oh yeah, we’ve got some info
– but you know what? I really need to urinate."
" He’s a breath of fresh air, isn’t he? Thank God I don’t
breathe." –Spike
"What
the bananas! It's so lucky for you
that you didn’t just magically decapitate me."
" Ooh, I feel used and violated and I need a lozenge."
7.21 End of Days
"...Food lying around everywhere. The produce was on its way to funky town, but the other stuff was just..."
"Andrew.
Things are getting very dire around here, and we've got important things to
worry about than...ooh! Jaffa Cakes!" --Giles
7.22 Chosen
"Illusions?
Against a burninator? Silly, silly British man." --Andrew, to Giles as
they're playing Dungeons and Dragons.
