damn damn fuck fuck... life a bitch... can't really do anything right now but SHIT imma get my shiet straight if its the last thing i do... FUCK everybody who dunt believe in me ... FUCK the peepo who doubts me... my life depends on what i do so now FUCK i have to choose the muthafawken right path... im sick and tired of what i was before and that really didn't get me nowhere...



(STARTED OF SUMMER 2005...)

one summer i will never forget

wierd how life can be... one day ur happy and ur sad... sometimes i hate life so much but when i look on how much life have given me... damn im lucky to be alive...

Mood:  happy
today's my father's court date... hopefully he gets to come home... im praying for ya pops... everynight before i go to sleep.

well anyways... today imma go see my probation officer and damn i hope that everything will go okay... well anyways... get back on this later let's just hope that everything will go at the least okay...

things just getting better...
Mood:  a-ok
hmm... yesterday i got drunk wid a few of my friends at dave and busters... that was fun... you know i thought that my life just can't seem to turn around... but im so wrong... things are getting better and better bit by bit... well hopefully my dad will get out on monday and if not then in two months i will see him and no longer then that i hope... things will eventually get better and i guess there is still hope out there for every1...

Mood:  down
Everyday i laugh when inside i'm crying,
When I see my so-called friends,
they always see me as im smiling,
but they can never tell when i'm truly dying.
I see them as they act as if they care,
i see them look and stare,
i look around and try to change,
but as i do,
im sucked the other way,
so-called friends who say they care.
I see my life as a waste as,
i see my world each day.
my friends that brag and get invited,
try to see and seem that they know me.
I try and try to leave, but as i do, im sucked the other way,
to an eternal life of sadness,
with friends that say they care,
but truly dont know.

Mood:  spacey
I walk up the steps toward heaven
Slowly yet steady
I raised up my head to see my way
Long and narrow
I take each step closer to my destiny
Hoping and dreaming
I stand at the top of the peak
Tranquil and Peaceful
I look down towards the city
Small and welcoming
Should I decide to or not?
Indecisive and sadness
I look up at the heavens with worry
Praying and lost
Should I or shouldn't I?
Take a step towards death or
Take a step back for life?
Should I or Shouldn't I?

I shouldn't because i have too much to lose...

Mood:  blue
i notice that there's not a day that i honestly truly happy... so much things are on my mind and i hate it... right now i think things are just hopeless for me and my mom... i don't know when my step daddy is gonna come out and im scared to getting evicted and im scared we might lose the shop... Also i just wanna say that im sorry to a person i just recently hurt... i think that we were better off being good friends then boyfriend and girlfriend... i did care about u but i honestly dunt think that we were meant for each other... i mean having a relationship that we had to hide... isn't my thing... and i hope u will find it in your heart to forgive me... i just changed ever since u went to Vietnam

Mood:  not sure
nothing ever goes right... short on house rent... isn't that great... and that's not the onlee thing on my mind... there's so much other stuff too... can u believe it? more then what is supposed to happen... but this i put on myself i guess... but how can i help what im feeling??

Mood:  sad
my step dad just called home today... finally he called home and shiet... home just doesn't feel like home when he's not around. i hope he gets out soon and that everything can pull itself together and shiet... we all need each other. im finally starting to work tomorrow. another boba shop... sighs* i just can't wait until my lil familee pulls itself together. i have never been this depressed b4 and i hope that everything does work out for us. for the first time ever my step dad told me he loved me and that just make me really happy. i really hope that him and my mother works things out this time. doing time changes everybody and i hope that it changes for the better not to the worst...

Mood:  sad
damn the last few days has been hell... i hate my fucking life... and fucking when i get home from court... peepo ( meaning my familee) gotta give me hell... like i said i hate my fucking life