Join C.H.A.I.N.N.!
The daughters of our great leaders are in shame (though they often don’t know their parentage). The sisters of our great heroes (though they were often separated at birth) are held in disgrace. The mothers of tomorrow’s adventurers are today dishonoured. I refer, of course, to the endemic plight of the undressed heroine.

People often discuss the advancements made by today’s “adventuresses”, as the media is fond of calling them. Today’s woman is not content to sit in a tower growing her hair and waiting for her prince to come. She does not struggle uselessly when villains try to hold her hostage. The modern woman is perfectly content to scale a tower with another’s hair, or to capture damsels in her own right. Many believe that, due to these strides forward, the modern adventuring lifestyle is gender-blind. One need not go further than the local armourer’s to put lie to that belief.

While the popular chain mail design for the female form may have served the legendary warrior queens of the Isle of Bikini well, it is less than the modern warrior deserves. From crypt to enchanted forest, from darkest dungeon to demonic plane, the sisters of the sword (or axe, maul, or pike) cry out their slogan: “Equal Protection for Equal Work!”. Why should the boys get to keep their limbs? An encounter with orcs can give a whole new meaning to the phrase “shaving your legs”. Is it chain mail or chain male? Join the Council of Heroines Against Indecent Near Nudity now, and help us convince the armour industry that women’s bodies deserve protection.

Here are testimonials from some of the many who have already joined C.H.A.I.N.N.:

“This isn’t just a fight for safety, it’s a fight for value. I get charged the same amount for a mithril shirt as my male companions, but I get only a third the metal! How can I reconcile this brigandry with the parsimony native to my culture? Can I not be a woman AND a dwarf?”
-Stropa Axhoner, Forgemistress of the Ironwater Clan

“I’ve actually heard men say that our armour gives us an advantage. It lets us move more quickly, and distracts the foe. I hate to break it to them, but most of the foes I’ve dealt with know they don’t have time to gawk, and I’ve never seen a werewolf leer at me. And if bikini chain mail is so unencumbering, I’d like to see my male companions slip it on.”
-Dame Ella the Sure, Companion of the Silver Blade, Defender of the Moors

“This is a situation where gender and ethnicity intersect. Before the incursion of medievalism onto our way of life, my sisters were all as well clothed as the men folk. Now, things are different. While being scantily clad may be difficult for women who spend almost every night in a tavern, it is even harder to face the hardship of a plains winter with nothing but three carefully placed rabbit skins to protect you. The first step of “civilizing” is “civillainizing”, where those customs of a colonized people incompatible with the colonizer’s mode of production are treated as inferior and savage. In the case of my people, a quasi-egalitarian, matrilineal form of social organization was (rightly) believed to challenge the feudal mode, and so the hegemony of bikini armour was introduced. How better to keep a nation subjugated than to keep their women folk in their yurts, and how better to keep them in their yurts than to deny then proper protection from the elements? In the case of my people, the hide bikini is not only the result of the patriarchal gaze, but the deliberate enforcement of colonial practice.”
-Kraxa the Barbarian

“I’ve never considered myself a feminist. I wear long hair, and I bathe regularly. I don’t even like cleaving goblins! The only reason I started my adventuring career was to meet well-thewn boys. I loved the first chain mail bikini I bought, and spent hours wearing it in front of the mirror, trying to show my assets to best advantage. There was a ranger in the party with these gorgeous eyes, and I just knew he was the bastard son of some noble- maybe even a king! He was shy, but I knew I had his attention when I wore that mail. I had his attention, that is, until we went into our first dungeon. The giant rats sliced through my flesh like butter, and some even tried to eat me while their companions fought my mates. After that, I received no man’s attentions but the cleric’s, and he had taken certain oaths. I suppose I still look ok, from the neck up. But no man would want me now, as my entire body is a map of purple scars traced by those leprous fangs.”
-Twilken Spanthrow, Sister of the Convent of Green Apples

"D&D? Forget it. I'm not going to wear a chainmail bikini!"
-Latisha Wilson, liberated geek and potential gamer

Join our cause now! Post a statement describing your experiences with bikini armour Remember, you have nothing to lose, not even your chain!