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Who sucks at life:

Nick Denome Laurel Nick DeNome

You may check more than one:

Why would you like to break all of the windows in Chip's Saab

Because I'm Nick Denome and I can't get over Laurel Freelander
Because Jeeps are homosexual and Nick Denome has one
Because I'm Nick Denome and I don't wash my hair
You are Nick Denome and you are jealous because you have a bitch car that is not even yours