1. Wear clothes of two colors: your choice of black or white
2. Own an alphanumeric pager with a built in answering machine
3. Own a cellular phone
4. Have only Asian friends
5. Speak only in Asian languages
6. Dress as though you're headed for a party when you're actually going to class
7. If you're a girl, BE SURE TO STUFF YOUR BRA
8. If you're a guy, BE SURE TO SOUP UP YOUR HONDA ACCORD/CIVIC
9. Smoke even if you don't know how to, especially if you're with friends
10. Travel only in droves of 10 and above to parties
11. Go to all the cool Asian "intercollegiate parties"!
12. Refuse to dance to anything but techno music
13. Whenever in droves of 10 or more Asians, stare menacingly at all other Asians
14. Dance in circles at all parties and clubs
15. If you're a guy, BE SURE TO COP CHEAP FEELS OFF GIRLS YOU LIKE!
16. If you're a girl, BE SURE TO RUN YOUR FINGERS THROUGH YOUR HAIR EACH TIME YOU SEE A HOT GUY!
17. Wear only designer labels
18. Make sure designer labels are extremely visible. Better yet, make sure that the make is emblazoned on the front of the apparel
19. Own a pair of Doc Martens
20. Be very good at pool. Own a cue stick if you can, even if you know nothing about them
21. Make sure your parents are doctors, or better yet, grocery store owners
22. BELIEVE IN BARN JACKETS, J. CREW, AND TOMMY HILFIGER
23. Make sure you install every possible option you can in your car
24. Own a sports car
25. Date only someone that a friend of yours has already dated
26. Be an officer in the KSA/CSA of your respective school
27. Be a Christian pretending to actually care about the religion
28. Use church as a social ground to meet potential dates
29. If you're a guy, make sure your hair looks like the head of a circumsized penis
30. If you're a girl, make sure your hair is colored with tinges of brown or red for optimal "coolness"
31. Two words: Manhattan Portage
32. If you're a guy, don't be embarassed that your penis is small. Instead, simply make sure that its size is inversely related to the loudness of your car's engine
33. If you're a girl, don't be embarassed about your small chest. Instead, make sure that its size is inversely related to the amount of make up on your face
34. If you're a girl, weigh no more than 75 lbs.
35. If you're Korean girl, have eye surgery done so you can look like a goldfish
36. Date only the people from your own clique, or even "a cooler one"!
37. If you're in a group of 10 or more friends, stare menacingly at all interracial couples you see.
38. If you're a guy, start having insecurities and complain about the "theft" of your women
39. If you're a girl... well, Asian men never date interracially anyway.

1) Be racist
2) Dye your hair...reddish brown for best results (but then again, blonde turns out to be reddish-brown anyway)
3) You must drive an Acura Integra or Honda Civic (stick shift for tha fellows--it's a testosterone thang)
4) Never wear glasses out of class--only FOBS can do so (colored contacts are required)
5) Be racist
6) Girls, wear dark lipstick (the browner the cooler--no matter if you end up lookin like you stuffed your face in chocolate)
7) To achieve the NATURAL look, apply layers and layers of make-up on...if it starts to look unnatural (heaven forbid) just apply another layer.
8) Curl your eyelashes till they touch your eyelids.
9) Never be caught dead in a group of less than 10.
10) Be racist
11) Only associate w/ fellow yellows.
12) When you want to speak about a non-Asian in front of their face, speak your own language very loudly and rudely.
13) Interpret every little thing as a racial issue.
14) Never be on time when meeting friends.
15) Be racist
16) Dogg on inter-racial couples.
17) A pager is a life necessity. (Or a cell phone...or both)
18) Only wear clothes in the exciting shades of black and white (occaisionally cream, brown, gray allowed)
19) Girls must stare at each other more than guys stare at them.
20) Be racist.
21) Always dress like you're goin to a party...even when your goin to Walmart.
22) Hang out in coffee shops when there's nothin to do.
23) Girls must be masters of Bust-a-move
24) Guys must be masters of Killer Instinct or Mortal Kombat III
25) Be racist.
26) Make every event a social one--church, school, funerals...!
27) Guys are not allowed to leave the mall w/out at least one set of digits...that means a phone number for you morons who didn't know.
28) Girls--dress skimpy on a cold day so that a guy has to lend you his coat.
29) Guys must wear their choice of: Eternity, Escape, Cool Water.
30) Be racist.
31) Always change your pager greeting at least 3 times a day...sometimes add cheesy music for the full 30 seconds to piss the caller off
32) Carry at least 1000 pictures around w/ you wherever you go--pictures only of Asians of course...
33) Take pictures everywhere you go...even in your own driveway
Guys--always look ruff & all hard-core, lifting your chin up to the lens
Girls--fake smile, or no smile.
34) Guys--never say hi verbally back to a girl...either lift one eyebrow, nod your chin (very cocky), or wink (the most annoying one)
35) Be racist.
36) Fit 9 people in a car, when the limit is 5.
37) Wear a jade necklace, even if your not into Buddha.
38) There must be a stringy, Oriental-looking ornament dangling from the mirror of your souped-up car.
39) Girls--be abnormally obssessed w/ Sanrio (Keroppe, Hello Kitty, Pochacco, Pekkle, etc...)
40) Be racist.
41) Wear only clothing made by famous designers (Nautica, Tommy, Guess, Helly Hansen, Perry Ellis)
42) onLee liSteN 2 sLoW jaMz, RaP and KoReAn MuSiC
43) when online...WriTe iN UppEr AnD LoWeR CaSe LiKe ThiS
44) BE RACIST. (i TiNk u GeT tHe PiCtUrE)

* Have wispy pubic hair.

* Have a sports car that is lowered so that it scrapes the road when you drive it.

* Believe in credit cards....especially when they belong to others.

* Girls: call each other bitch. Guys: call each other bitch.

* Make sure the clubs you go is predominately Asian: that is 96% Asian and the other 4% are the whites being beaten up for macking on Asian chicks.

* Make sure you talk to all your Asian-American friends about how traditional you are in spite of being born in Mississipi or something and then make fun of FOBs!

* If your date starts going sour (make sure she's Asian), start making fun of "americans"(ie: whites).

* Join a dumbass Vietnamese gang and get the same haircut, the same baggy jeans, and wear a white T-shirt. Curse in Vietnamese all day.

* Join a dumbass Korean gang and get the same haircut, the same baggy jeans, and wear a white T-shirt. Curse in Korean all day.

* Join a dumbass Chinese gang and get the same haircut, the same baggy jeans, and wear a white T-shirt. Curse in Chinese all day.

* Curse about how you are Japanese-American and can't join any of these dumbass gangs cause there aren't any Japanese around in the first place.

* In case the above is true, move back to Japan and go to Ueno park until you become a junior yakuza.

* Drag your heels when you walk.

* Before you smoke, spank your cigarettes really loud for at least 30 seconds.

* Guys: always laugh in a high pitched voice.

* Girls: say "like," "um," and "and stuff" alot.

* Wear clothes that are too big so that if you are skinny you can't tell and if you are fat you can't tell.

* Only eat at cafes late at night and pretend to understand the menu.

* Learn to drive sideways.

* Pretend to know how to break dance so that if you fall at a party you won't look that stupid.

* Dye your hair... reddish brown or blonde for best results.

* Guys: drive 80 mph in groups to your local diner, McDonald's, Friday's, etc. Drive even FASTER when the girls are coming along (yet another testosterone thang).

* Blast Asian rap and pop music from your car stereo whenever you leave somewhere (esp. from school).

* Guys: to be the ULTIMATE "coolest", learn Ebonics. ("Whazzup?" or "Whassup 'wit dat?")

* Always fight with your parents, even when you don't have a reason to.

* Only speak English to your parents, especially when you're angry at them. ("How dare you speak English to me! Why you no speak (chinese/japanese/korean)?!?")

* Spend all of your parents' hard-earned money as if it grows on a tree, yet claim to be penniless.

* Guys: outside your car, wear the latest high-tech, ultra-compact, ridiculously fragile, Taiwanese-imported walkman/discman with the earphones draped around your neck.