BRITISH : Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South, to avoid collision
U.S. NAVY : Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the North, to avoid a collision
BRITISH : Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision
U.S. NAVY : This is the captain of US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
BRITISH : Negative. I say again. You will have to divert your course.
U.S. NAVY : THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH. THAT'S 15 DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
BRITISH : We are a lighthouse. f*ck off.
....a girl walks into a supermarket and buys:
1 bar of soap
1 toothbrush
1 tube of toothpaste
1 loaf of bread
1 pint of milk
1 apple
1 banana
1 orange
1 plum
1 peach
1 grapefruit
1 tomato
1 lettuce
1 cabbage
1 baking potato
1 kraft single
1 samosa
1 vegetable pakora
1 muesli bar
1 pie
1 single serving of cereal
1 single frozen dinner
1 single frozen pizza
The checkout guy looks at her, smiles, and says, "Single, huh?"
The girl smiles sheepishly and replies, "How'd you guess?"
He says, "Because you're ugly
Little Johnny’s mother is taking a bath, having recently been discharged from hospital where she had all her pubic hair removed. Johnny come into the bathroom as she’s drying off, and asks her what happened to the hair. “I’ve lost my sponge,” she says, and sends Johnny out to play. A few moments later, Johnny reappears and tells his mother he thinks he’s found her sponge. “Oh really,” his mum asks. “Where is it?”
Johnny answers, “The lady next door is washing daddy’s face with it.”
I currently have jokes on this page. Please mail me if you want a joke on here at Vin_09@hotmail.com
Cheers
Ben