Lykes: Cute dingz lyke Hello Kittie. ARIZONA WILDCATZ!!! San Antonio Spurz. Sleepin.
Dizlykes: Haterz and Biterz. Homewerk. Skool. Dawm Ppl.
Wut I Look 4 in a Gai: Nyceness, Funnieness, Realness, Smartness, etc.
Basketball:
Denvah Nuggetz: Hehe. Dey sux. If not 4 Cleveland, dey would hab tha worst record. Jill, ur team reallie sux!
San Antonio Spurz: Dey will de-throne tha stupit Lakerz!
Los Angeles Lakerz: I hayte dem! OMG! Dey mite az wael get rit ob tha oddah playahz and jus keep Shaq n Kobe. Kobe iz a reallie goot playah, dough.
Detroit Pistonz: Yeah, dey @ tha top ob tha East rite now, buh I dun't dink dey can get tha Eastern Conference Championship.
Sacramento Kingz: I dun't reallie lyke tha team, buh I luv Mike Bibbie cuz he b 4rm Arizona.
April 20th, 2003 It’s Easter. I have a lot of homework. It sucks. Hey, at least we don’t have Chinese Class today. Well, anyway, I went to church for the first time in like 5 months. Same old, same old. Some dude telling us about the resurrection. Oh, but this dude actually found a way to incorporate the NHL Playoffs into it. Something about the Detroit Red Wings. Apparently, Denver people don’t like Detroit people. At least not their hockey team. Obviously, I don’t know much about hockey. I would rather the pastor dude talk about how the Lakers are going to get their lil’ butts kicked. But, to show that I was actually listening to the pastor dude, I will make a list of things the pastor dude said about the theories of resurrection.
The Pass-out Theory Jesus didn’t actually die, he just passed out Of course, this was after he was nailed to a cross and stabbed in the stomach Oh, and after that, he was in his tomb and got conscious and was like “Hey, I kinda need to get myself up out of here.” Then he pushed away a 2,000 pound stone and ran away
The Hallucination Theory
▸ Pretty self-explanatory
▸ Everyone was smoking something and hallucinated at the same time
The Dogs Ate Jesus Theory
▸ Jesus’s body was eaten by wild dogs
▸ Do you even understand how stupid that sounds?
▸ It’s like the “My dog ate my homework” story that we tell our teachers when we don’t do homework
▸ Also, some wild dogs pushed away a 2,000 pound stone?
The Disciples Stole Jesus’s Body Theory
▸ Disciples stole Jesus’s body and pulled off the biggest hoax of all time
▸ Considering that the disciples were dumb, bumbling idiots, it doesn’t sound like they would be able to pull it off or even come up with the idea
▸ I didn’t just make that up. The disciples were not smart people, by accounts in the Bible
Which theory do you believe? Me neither.
