title: Person Experience (Abortion)
 
Story: I met Dan though a guy, Carl, that I went out with. They were 
really good friends so I got to know Dan pretty well. Carl and I only 
went out for a few months but stayed good friends. I started talking to 
Dan more often. Soon it was clear that Dan and I wanted to be more then 
friends. He called me every night and we would talk for hours. On 
Thursday nights he would call when Emergency Room (ER), a TV show, came on. 
We both enjoyed watching it so we talked on the phone while watching 
it. There were many phone calls that went late into the night. It seemed 
as if we could never run out of things to talk about. I knew things 
were starting to become more then friends. We not only talked on the phone 
but also on the Internet. The e- mails that we sent back and forth were 
ones that always came from the heart and always made each other laugh. 
One night we started talking about how we liked each other. By this 
time we had kissed but he didn't know I had a boyfriend. I'm not on!
e who can break up with a person easily so I was trying to figure out a 
way to break up with him.
 
 The next morning I checked my e-mail and it had a list of 
things that Dan liked about me. I still can remember that list word for 
word.
 
 Some nice thing I have to say about you
 
 1. You always greet me with a smile. and I like your smile, a 
lot
 2. I love the way your eyes look. they have this certain appeal 
to me
 3. No matter what, you always have something nice to say, yes, 
even when
 you talked about beating me, lol
 4. You (as far as I can tell) have ALWAYS been honest to me. it 
took guts
 to say that you had been going out with someone else. 
especially after
  we kissed
 5. I love the way you kiss
 6. The way you're so playful, and happy all the time, even when 
you're
 going with shit with your friends
 7. I've honestly always had a crush on you since the beginning 
of the
  year. I felt jealous when I heard that you were going out with 
Carl
 8. I like how you're spontaneous, and leave my curiosity 
running wild.
 how did we start play fighting again?
 9. Yes, I'm still a guy, so I have to comment on your body. You 
never
 complain of being "big" or "fat", or about your butt or your 
chest. 10. Finally, I love your voice especially when we're about to get 
off the
 phone. You get this tone that makes me wanna not hang up, and 
that
 makes me crazy until I hear your voice again. Why do you think 
I call
 your house so much?
 There it is. that is straight up from my heart. Please e-mail 
me back.
 I'll c ya at school
 
 Lata 'n' Luvs,
 ~Dan~
 
 
 
My boyfriend, AL, broke up with me because he found out about how I was 
talking to Dan a lot. I figured that it was for the better because AL 
and I really didn't get along that great. Dan and I started to go out 
and it was great. I thought that Dan and I would last a long time and 
that he would always be there for me but that was soon proved wrong. I 
thought that Dan and I were meant to be and that he felt the same way I 
did. It only took a few months for me to realize that I was wrong.
 
 We went out one night and ended up in an empty parking lot 
behind some building. We were sitting in his car talking and then we 
started to make out. It started to go farther and I should have stopped it 
and I had my chances but at the moment my heart was over taking my mind. 
After that night he started to act weird and the relationship only 
lasted about four more days before he broke up with me. I was heart broken 
but knew that I would get over it in time. I had been eating a little 
more the past month and had been gained some weight. I didn't think much 
of it but then I started to get sick in the mornings and I was tired 
more often then normal. I thought maybe I just had some type of bug or 
something. Dan even came over and stayed with me for a few hours one 
afternoon. That was a surprise since after he broke up with me he didn't 
really talk much.
 
 
 
 My mom decided to take me to the doctor's office and they ran a bunch 
of test on me. After thinking about it on the way to the doctor's 
office, I knew what was wrong with me but I was scared to say anything to 
anyone. When the test results came back they knew what was wrong with me, 
I was pregnant. My parents were very upset and I knew I had to tell Dan 
but that would not do any good. It wasn't like he would care or 
anything but I had to tell him because he was a part of it all. I decided it 
was better if he didn't know the whole truth so I told him about it but 
not the complete truth. I told him that everything had been taken care 
of and that my parents knew nothing about it all. I thought that would 
make everything okay but it just made everything worse. I guess that 
saying about telling a lie only makes things worse is really true.
 
 My parents wanted to talk to his parents after a few days and 
so I finally had to tell him the truth. I told him at school one day 
when I went into his lunch and he wasn't happy at all. I didn't even 
really give him a chance to say anything because I knew he really didn't 
care so I walked away right as the tears started to fall. Dan talked to me 
for a few days while our parents discussed what had happened. Dan and I 
decided that an abortion was the right thing to do. Once the date was 
set and I told Dan the date of it. The next morning at school he handed 
me a note and then walked away.
 
 I'll make this short and sweet. I'm happy for all the times 
we've had- the good and the bad times. I've learned a lot from you. 
However, I'm letting you know that I'm "changing" I'm going back to the way I 
was- quiet, alone, and invisible. I'll still try to chat with you when 
I can, but I probably won't sit with you in the A.M. anymore. Believe 
me, it's nothing personal. This is something I need to do to keep my 
life in order, because frankly, it was falling apart. You've been an 
awesome friend, and I'll never forget the times we've shared. Maybe things 
will be different for me next year. So this is "goodbye" friend
 ~Dan~
 
 
 
I was so mad at him when he didn't even call after everything was over 
with. I was upset that he didn't call to see how I was doing. After the 
abortion I didn't really want to talk to anyone about it because no one 
understood. I started to wonder if I had made the right choice or not. 
To help me though it all, I sat down and wrote a poem.
 
 Child
 
 Did I make the right choice or not?
 
 The more I think about it, the
 More I wonder about it.
 I hope you understand, my child,
 That I had to do it.
 No other choice was there for me.
 I wasn't ready for the responsibility.
 My choice killed you,
 An innocent child.
 I wonder what you might have become and
 What you might have achieved if I had let you live.
 You will forever hold a spot in my heart
 And will never be forgotten.
 I'm trying to deal with this all
 But it is hard when there is no one
 To turn to, no shoulder to cry on.
 
 I kept trying to talk to him but every time I was ignored so I 
finally gave up. A few months later he gave me another note.
 
 Hey
 I'll be getting you money every week for. ya know. Sorry it 
took so long. And I need to apologize. I was a complete jerk about the 
whole situation. I wanna be friends and all, but I'll be honest, I can't 
call ya like I used to (back in the day). Give me a page sometime. I'm 
busy this weekend, so I might not call you back right away. Oh... and I 
have a new job! Ttyl. and again, sorry
 ~Dan~
 
 
 
 I was so overjoyed that he wanted to still be friends. I thought 
things would be better now but I should have known that it was to good to be 
true. It was like every time I talked to him it seemed like he was 
annoyed that I was talking to him and it was like he really didn't want to 
talk to me. He would talk to me for a few weeks and then stop talking 
to me and then start talking to me again. It was like an endless circle 
that I couldn't understand; it was slowly tearing me apart. Finally, I 
decided to just give up that it wasn't worth it all. I thought maybe 
the next year, my senior year, things would be different and just maybe 
they would be better. Summer came and went and soon it was my senior 
year. Dan and I saw each other in the hallway but we never talked until 
that day when Jay, one of Dan's co-workers, came into my work. Jay was a 
pretty good guy; I had talked to him a few times while I was going out 
with Dan.
 
 Jay came into my work one day and started talking about the 
abortion; that really set me off. I could deal with the people coming up 
to me at school saying stuff about it all, that was just a normal high 
school, but not coming into my work place. Jay had no right to do that 
and I was more upset that Dan had told everyone at his work. We had 
agreed not to tell anyone, I told a total of three people and Dan ended up 
telling one of those people so I really only told two people. Dan told 
a lot and that is how it got around the school. As soon as Jay left, I 
paged Dan and he actually called me back. I told what all happened and 
he said that he would talk to Jay and all of his other friends. I told 
him that is fine and then I hung up. Him talking to his friends wasn't 
good enough for me though; I want to him say "I'm sorry" to my face. A 
week later at school it really started to bug me and I told one of my 
friends who just happens to be one of his friends also. This friend!
 played messages back and forth for a few days between Dan and I. One 
morning Dan dragged me away from my friends in the morning so that we 
could talk. The thing is though that I didn't get to say anything because 
Dan said what he wanted to say and then that was it.
 
 
 
I couldn't stand for that; I needed to say my thoughts, my feelings, 
and my emotions. I needed to say everything that had been bottled up 
inside of me over the past year. I decided it would be done after school 
one day when we both got out at the same time. I walked into his morning 
classroom and told him to meet me after school. To my surprise he 
actually agreed. I knew that it wasn't going to be that great of a talk but 
at least I would be able to say what I wanted to say or so I thought. 
It didn't take long before it turned into a screaming match in the 
school parking lot. I actually did say some of what I wanted to but not all 
of it because he cut me off. He told me that because what happened 
between him and I that he just wanted to forget about it and that every 
time he sees me that is all he thinks about. He told me that he wants 
nothing to do with me at all. I asked him why did he keep telling me that 
he wanted to be friends if he really didn't want to. His only answe!
r was that he lied about that and then he said that he wants to put it 
all behind him and never think or talk about it. He says that he is 
sorry but that is how it has to be. Earlier that day I had written a poem 
and I threw them in his back seat before he drove off. I knew that I 
could finally say good-bye and put it all behind me.
 
 We shared times together
 The good and the bad
 The laughter and the tears
 I thought that friends would we would stay
  But you had a different idea
 You wanted out forever
 And never wanted to look back
 Saying good bye
 It hurt me so for a while
 I kept trying to keep our friendship
 You would always shoot me down
 Then I finally gave up
 It wasn't worth it anymore
 I finally did what you did to me
 I said good-bye
 When I see you sometimes in the hall
 I think about the times that we shared
 And the friends we used to be
Good-bye took that away from us
 
 
 
 I knew that I could never forget Dan or what happen and that it would 
always be a part of my life. I did learn a lot from Dan about 
relationships and guys in general. I wrote a story about my experience, which 
was my closure from it and came up with a list of things I learned never 
to do:
 
 . Never let yourself become so involved with someone who you 
really
 don't know that well
 . Never think you are in love when you first start dating
 . Never do anything just because you think you are in love
 . Never trust a guy when he says that he will always be there 
for you no
 matter what
 . Never cry over a guy that truly doesn't care about you
 . Never lie to just avoid problems they will always come back
 . Never believe a guy will change no matter what he tells you
 . Never believe that things you do in high school will be 
forgotten
 about the next school year
 . Never let someone not let you get your say after they have 
said what
 they wanted to
 . Never let someone not let you speak your mind
 . Never let a guy ruin your life.