"lies"
I guess everything u said wasn't true. U told me that u loved me and wanted to be w/ me. But I guess u were lying about it, cause in that note. U said painful and mean words to me. Maybe I was wrong and my heart is just making me suffer, cause I still love u. Every tear I shed is because of u. I don't feel wanted anymore and that I should just either disappear or end it all. Who knows, what I will do. Either way. No one will remember me and also will forget about it. Why, cause I'm a no one and I don't mean anything to anyone. the only feelings I have anymore is the broken heart,that been broken so many times. For some reason in my heart I still love her. Why do I still have feelings for her. She doesn't want to be w/ me and never will. I'm so confuse, now. I can't even think straight nor be happy like I used to be. I don't know anymore. Maybe I do need help like the people from work says I do. Who knows. Maybe I should just change my look and dress like a prep. Since no one wants to go out w/ a person that has long hair, goatee and wears skater/surfer clothes. Or just take either a knife and cut my throat or just a gun, point it to my head and pull the trigger. I'm sure no one will miss me, cause I'm a freak and no one wants that. So take care and I'll make your wish come true, by ending my life to make everyone happy. Especially her parents, since they hate me w/ a passion...
"EM PLEH"
I don't know what to do anymore. In my heart I still have feelings for these one lady. No matter what I do, I can't move on. It's like there's something about her that I find attractive. Maybe I'm just hoping too much that I could be w/ her, but I know I won't be, cause she don't want a person like me. I'm just one big ball of mess up in my life. Even if I am in a relationship. I just mess it up anyway, cause I'll never be good enough to be w/ that person. It's like I'm not meant to love a lady. That I'm surpose to be single and live on my own w/o knowing what it like to get married and everything after that. I guess I'll never be worthy for a lady's love. I'm just worthless and pathetic, cause I can never keep my life straight and let myself keep on doing stuff, when I'm in pain. Although, there r some people who weren't care, if I'm happy or sad. They just look it as tho, the kindest of heart gets put through a lot more then a person who isn't kind. Maybe they r trying to tell me to end it, so they don't have to look nor see my ugly face nor hear my stupid and sissy voice. It's to the point that all the ladies I want to be w/ only want to be my friend, that's all. I must be too sweet and they don't like what I wear and look. These world is messed up and there's no one that'll make that change at the beginning and that problem will be there I'm gonna end this and hope u have a better life then I do
Why does life have to be like this. It's too hard to keep alive and make a living. No job is secure, cause there's just too many people and not enough jobs. It's just seems that it's better to be in a grave. Especially when u have someone that u want to be w/ for the rest of your life. The major problem is she only 2 choices. Either Listen to her parents and be w/ someone that they approve or be w/ me and only have me and her friends. No parents, but who really knows if that's gonna really happen. It just seems like I'm meant to be a lone. If she does dump me, then I'm never gonna let anyone get close to me,anymore. I had a feeling that this was gonna happen. No matter what, I'm not meant to be completely happy. I guess, I just have to learn to accept it and be an outcast to everyone. Which means, this will probably the last time I write on here. Cause it I lose her, then I'm leave w/o no one knowing where I'm..Maybe everyone's life will be better w/o me around.. Take care all that read this, cause when that day comes. I'm a deadman walking.
I believe I found my soul mate and the only thing is. Who knows if I'll be w/ her in the road. It'll depends on, if she wants to lose her parents and only have me & her friends. Who knows what lays in the future. I just hope that me and her do get back together and be happy for the rest of our life. I'd sacrifice everything for her. Who knows if she wants to make sacrifices as well. Who knows and all I can do is hope for the best, cause she's the only one that I'll ever let get very close to me. That the truth, cause I told her stuff that I wouldn't tell anyone else.
I guess she don't want anything to do w/ me, cause she don't answer anything I write. I guess I do need to pick up and leave everything behind. No one cares about me and even if they say they do. It's just lies, cause I know I'm not welcome here and they want me to disappear for good. No one loves nor cares about what happens to me. Now it's time for me to say good-bye forever. Take care and hope your life is better then mine.
It's just too hard to act like friends w/ her, cause I love her too much. I just wish, everything was simple and that her parents wouldn't control her life so much. They should just care about that she's happy and doing good in life. What should I know. Everyone thinks I'm stupid and don't deserve to be w/ any lady. I just have a feelings that I'll never have the chance to be w/ her, because of your parents. It just looks like it more as the days go by. Maybe I should just leave for awhile and find somewhere else to be happy, then here. I'm should no one would miss me here, cause No one calls here or anything. The only way, anyone hangs w/ me is when I run into them at a place. Therefore, I'm taking as they don't want to hang w/ me, anymore. That they r just being nice, cause they ran into me. I'll just stay in my room and wait for my day comes, that I'm surpose to die, since no one cares about me. Maybe I should just cut myself and help death out, for a chance. I'm sure no one will be at my funnel, cause everyone have their own life and I'll never be a part of it. Especially, the one I truely love....
"lost"
Y don't know y, I stay alive. There's nothing for me here. It just seems like nothing goes right for me.I can't even be w/ the person, I'm comepletly happy w/. I don't even know, if I can wait for her to be done college. I don't even know if I have the strength to make it through life, knowin that I can't be completly happy, right now. I guess this is my punishment for everything, I've been wrong in life. Maybe, I should just end it and say forget it. I'm sure her and her parents would be happier, when I'm gone. Plus, I'm sure she can find someone better then me and her parents would approve of. I'll never be important in life. Just a nobody tryin to be someone, but will never sucessed. I guess I should just go out to my room and cut myself. Just watch the blood run out of my body, 'til my vision goes black. Help death along, since I don't feel like waitting for him to come and get me. Good-bye world, cause a nobody will be gone for good.....
