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Everybody loves Legolas

Chp 1

Marshmallow and Madness

Disclaimer – I own nothing, I wish I owned Legolas, then he could be my slave, but I don’t *sniffs*. Ah well…

 I wrote this to get over my major writers block. I mean no offence with anything I write, it’s purely out of ignorance or stupidity, or both, or neither and I’m just messing with your minds. Hahaha, I must be an evil genius! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyway… on with the story.


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Gimli was sleeping as usual and so it was only Legolas and Aragorn around the campfire. Suddenly the future king turned to the elf.

 “Legolas?” He muttered.

 “Yup” The elf replied, testing the marshmallow he was roasting over the fire. Finding it satisfactory he placed it in his mouth and chewed it with a contented look.

 “I – I – I think I love you” Aragorn said. Legolas seemed unconcerned.

 “Really? I love cheese.” He replied in a dreamy way.

 “Legolas I’m being serious,” the king-to-be said in an agitated way.

 “I’m sure you are” The elven prince said, patting his comrade on the back.

 “So you’ll listen?”


 “But . . . I –“ The ranger was suddenly cut off when Gandalf walked through their camp.

 (A/N – Now I need to explain about Gandalf, MY Gandalf that is. I’m sick to death of Gandalf the white, know-it-all Gandalf, perfect Gandalf, so I decided to create my own Gandalf, Gandalf the black. He’s a gothic version of the wizard, a loner that has little interest in Frodo and the “Quest of the ring”. He’d prefer if everyone left him on his own to listen to his music. Anyway on with the story)

 The wizard failed to notice the two companions as he had his Walkman on full volume. He did, however, notice when he stepped on the campfire and his robe caught fire.

 “SON OF A – “he screamed many curses as he hopped around, trying to put out the blaze. It finally worked and he was left with only ½ his original frock. Did I say frock? I meant dress. . . *gets attacked by angry Gandalf*

 Once happy that he was no longer on fire he turned to the spectators, his black hair swirling round. Both sat gazing open mouthed at the event. That was until a large fly flew into Aragorn's mouth and he choked. Ignoring the rangers dying pleas for help, Gandalf the black pointed a black nail varnished finger at Legolas.

 “This is your fault!” he hissed, “Now you shall pay” The elf saw a blinding light and as his vision finally cleared he found the world upside down. Tilting his head he saw the wizard kicking Aragorn in the ribs.

 “That’s . . . what . . . you . . . get . . . for . . .choking . . . whilst . . . I’m . . . talking!” Gandalf said between kicks.

 Gimli, awoken by Legolas’ hysterical screams of being afraid of heights, pounced on the wizard and got him in a headlock.

 Whilst his tormentor was preoccupied Aragorn got to his feet and saw the elf hanging 1m from the ground. The king-to-be smiled in a perverted way (A/N eeeeeew!) Legolas screamed more as he saw the ranger coming towards him.

“NO! Noooooo! Get away, leave me alone! Get Gimli, yes Gimli, get him. Hey! Whatya doing? Hey! HEY! GIMLI!” the elf’s screams were muffled as he was cut down and pounced on.


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“And that’s what you get for messing with a dwarf” Gimli said triumphantly as he finished tying Gandalf the black to a tree. The Wizard was out-cold after being strangled by the hairy little man.

 Turning round he saw random elf limbs convulsing from under what appeared to be . . . Aragorn? He was trying in vain to kiss the elf, who kept struggling. Gimli’s face contorted with anger as he attempted to rugby tackle Aragorn, but missed. Instead he managed to kick him in his already bruised ribs, successfully knocking him off the elf prince.

 “YOU FAT LITTLE BASTARD!” Aragorn yelled as he drew his sword. “Couldn’t you see I was BUSY?!” 

“I could see that!” The dwarf yelled back, “But were all the participants willing?”


 “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” both the man and elf screamed simultaneously.

 “Oh come on baby, you know you liked it” Aragorn said sexily. (A/N how the hell can I be writing this? I’m seriously messed up!) Legolas cowered and began crying.

 “Leave the elf alone Strider” Gimli warned.

 “Yeah leave me alone” The prince sobbed. 

“Besides, he’s mine” the dwarf finished. Legolas’ head slowly rose, his eyes wide.

 “Oh no, not him as well” He moaned as both dwarf and man pounced on him.


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 Erm . . . yeah, god I’m messed up! Ok review and I may decide to write another chapter. Now a poem.

 Flamers will come

 And flamers will stay

 But all in all

 Flamers are gay.