Bree was right. I need time to heal my wounds before I open scars on a new body. I need time to get over him before I can destroy the life of someone new. I just wish I didn’t care so much. I wish I could be apathetic. I only managed four hours of sleep last night and woke up from a very frightening dream involve Mike and pancakes. Waffles I could have stood for, but this dream woke me short of breath and unable to catch it. I guess I somewhat got my wish for death, a glimpse at it anyway. Watching Mike post picture after picture of beautiful girl just hurts too much for me to be with anyone. I can never be that pretty. He likes skinny boob-less girls. And he obviously likes girls that can pull of the gothic look better than I can. Sigh. I just feel ugly and unloved. I shouldn’t have turned down any sort of relationship because I feel so alone, but I just don’t want to be unfair to any nice guy. Just seeing all the pictures of women hurts so much. I feel so far from pretty. I just feel like crap. I feel like only Billy Zane will love me for who I am and will adore how I look and think I look prettier than any dumb bitch whore. Oh Billy, why wont u save me? Take me away to the land of love and lies. Love me and think I’m the prettiest girl of them all, please Billy. You can wear purple and I’ll sit in your lap and be held and be content. For these mortal men will never love me, there will always be someone so much prettier.
I’m afraid my math teacher’s inability to teach will force me to change my major. I can’t afford a C.