6-11-03



Very excited today. I was so bored that I created a webpage. Where are all of my friends, you ask. Well, they have jobs and I'm unemployed, but that's a depressing subject that I'd rather not delve into. Actually, about half of them don’t have jobs either, but for some reason those friends are trapped inside their homes mesmerized by monitors playing Never Winter Nights (nwn). So I figured why not just surf the web and find something interesting to do. Well, I guess making my own webpage would mean that all the pictures I made in Bryce would then have a purpose. Yea! Perhaps I should make this page not suck as my next project. Nah, I’m too lazy for that.

I want to go to Denny’s tonight, but I think my friends went last night. Too bad, I went with my buddy down to Clair du Lune to hear the people performing at open mic night. That was really neat. My buddy got up and read some of his stuff. Hopefully he’ll take me again some Tuesday night. Darn though, I was in the mood for a cherry coke. There’s just something about the syrupy cherry cokes of Denny’s. I guess the cherry sprites aren’t that bad either. But, cherry coke is my normal Denny’s drink…and I’m not about to change it for something more pink. Man, this writing stuff is hard. I haven’t had to actually think about my day in a long while. That’s probably because when people ask me how my day was my automatic response is “fine.” I don’t believe in jumping right into the lows and highs of my days with people I only see as mere acquaintance friends (people you’re friends with out of convenience or mutual respect, but lacking the charm and heart-felt connection of a genuine friendship.) I keep a lot of my pain hidden inside. It’s there ready to leap out if anyone really wants to hear it, but otherwise I just keep it to myself. I just broke up with my boyfriend of two years and well I dealt with that one alone, mostly. At times I had the companionship of my best friend, B, but she has a new boyfriend and so seeing sunlight isn’t a strong desire as of late. Understandable, I was the same way two years ago. I also can still lean on my ex which is strange to think about but also very understandable considering our dating relationship was a “best friends” relationship too. I associate love with the status of “best friend” and believe that there can be many “best” friends. (You can think of it as the best of the best…these are my best friends.) But yes, when I cried over the ended relationship I did it alone. Some of my friends thought that I was in as much pain as my ex other half and that became a problem. As my ex, M, and I are both in the same social group and have been since before our relationship, our breakup was complicated with people trying to pick sides when it was unnecessary. B’s new boy was the most vocal of my “adversaries” he thought that broke up with M so I could date the guy I went with me to Clair du Lune. As this fellow and I are not dating his assumptions are thus proven false. Nonetheless, he made a big fuss about me not being upset and that was a large point of contention. I guess my long-winded point is that I carry my pain inside unless I feel like answering the all too annoying but very useful questions of “what’s up” or “how’s it going.” Sometimes I am the dormant Dragon but other times I feel like fricasseeing a peasant or two or twenty.