Claire Northall
9/5/02
English III 4°

Journey Towards Resolution

What worth is it to know the whole world if one does not know themselves?  Without a sure foundation in who we are, many aspects of our lives (such as friendships, relationships, personal and work lives) are often unstable.  In The Color of Water by James Mcbride, James- a black man-tells the story of his own life and that of his astounding white Jewish mother, Ruth. Because of his mixed heritage, he encounters major identity conflicts during his life, to which at the end of the book, he resolves. James Mcbride comes to a resolution of his identity by accepting his mixed race, including his Jewish ethnicity, and understanding his mother and her family history.  His journey to help himself must start by looking at his past.

Raised in a black neighborhood, surrounded by a mostly black family, friends, and black culture, it is natural for James to feel black. But, if he wants to solve his identity crisis, he must accept all sides of his race.  He says, “Given my black face and upbringing it was easy for me to flee into the anonymity of blackness yet I was frustrated to live in a world that considers the color of your face an immediate political statement whether you like it or not.”(Mcbride 262).  In this time of great prejudice, he is angry that others judge him literally by face value. He expresses feeling cornered, packaged if you will, in the blackness of his skin. There seems to be no redeeming factor to convey his true identity. This deeply frustrates him since he is aware of the other facets of his identity.  He is not free to show others all aspects of his heritage and that makes it more difficult for him to accept it himself.  As he matures, James successfully accommodates his diversity in the end when he says; "Now, as a grown man, I feel privileged to have come from both worlds." (Mcbride 103).  James can hold his head up high and be proud of being mixed.  He isn't going to let who he is be judged or measured by others.  The fact remains, though, that if James wants to completely soothe his divided soul, he must come to grips with his Jewish side too.

While James feels restricted in his efforts to accept his white side, it is infinitely more difficult to complete his other task; accepting his Jewish heritage.  James himself admits it's hard: "It took years before I began to accept the fact…that part of me is Jewish too."(Mcbride 262).  It is tough and takes a long time, but a necessary milestone. In a trip to Suffolk to locate the remnants of his mother's family, he finds himself in front of the synagogue.  He says, "I wanted to see the inside of the synagogue.  I wanted to see it…because some of my blood runs through there, because my family has history there, because there's a part of me in there whether I, or those that run the synagogue, like it or not."(Mcbride 221).  While he may dislike this fact, James acknowledges that Judaism is part of his heritage and past. If he were to ignore it and run from his past, he would be just like his mother.  

It is not until James truly comprehends his mother and unearths her history can he begin to discover himself, for history provides identity.  Discovering the truth of Ruth's past is almost impossible, for she is often evasive.  "Her past had always been a secret to us, and remained so even after my stepfather died, but what she left behind was so big, so complete that she could never entirely leave it: the dissipation of her own Jewish family, the guilt over abandoning her mother, the separation from her sister, the sudden, tragic death of first husband, whom she adored." (Mcbride 163).  Who can comprehend a mother's heart, ripped with tradgedy and rebound. James purveys a sense of compassion for her avoidance, yet at the same time this caused him frustration, as he was working to complete a very personal task of his life's journey.

        James expresses through a metaphor what the making of his journey is: "I felt like a Tinkertoy kid building my own self out of one of those toy building sets; for as she laid her life before me, I reassembled the tableau of her words like a picture puzzle, and as I did, so own life was rebuilt."(Mcbride 270).  He says he is like a Tinkertoy tower.  It seems like he was constructed while missing pieces. When he finally learns of his true history, his tower, his self-image, is ripped apart to be put together whole; differently colored and mismatched from his mixed ethnicity, but whole and complete.
        Weaving through the passage of this journey, many friends, colleagues, and family members of varying racial classes contribute to James' story, each adding a dynamic that he values as a portion of his eclectic life. His mother, Ruth, is the bridge, the link, to all the missing gaps in his life. When James finally understands her, all that she's been through, as well as his white, Jewish side, he is able to come to a resolution and new a self-perception. "My view of the world is not merely that of a black man but that of a black man with something of a Jewish soul." (Mcbride 103).  After battling with his demons regarding his identity for so long, at last he can rest and his soul is at peace.