When we evaluate any situation, we will ask ourselves a question. The feelings we create, and the actions we take (or don't) are determined by the answers we come up with. The more control we exercise over these questions we ask, the more control we have over our state, and thus our potential. Why is this true? Because our brain will focus on where we direct it. For example evaluating an interview or presentation, we might ask "Why do I get nervous?" or "Why can't I consolidate my thoughts properly?". In this case, our brain in all its grandeur will find all the reasons you get nervous or can't consolidate your thoughts, even if there are no legitimate reasons, our brain is so magnificent it will make something up. This can be quite disempowering, alternatively, if we purposefully direct our questions to empower, we will find ourselves asking "Why was I so confident when I …" or "How can I organize my thinking to better communicate?", and our brain will once again give us the answers.

Fellow speaker and finance expert David Rogers gave me an example of how he developed the confidence to speak in front of large audiences. He stated, "The first workshop I delivered, I did not perform up to my expectations. Yet instead of asking myself "Why did you mess up?" or "Why don't you just quit?", I asked myself "What should I improve on?, How can I perform even better?". By asking the right questions, my subconscious delivered some healthy, constructive advice, and have used this technique ever since. The power of questions has defiantly been one of the most important tools in gaining confidence and realizing my success." David is now one of the most sought after speakers on the subject of how to deliver impactful financial presentations.

Key#4 Frame the concept

Changing the meaning of what we associate to any situation can dramatically change the results we get. Fashioning new associations into habits helps to set the foundation for a spontaneous confidence. A confidence that develops unconsciously as we continue to implement our tactics, until one day it is part of us. One example from the personal archives of my past was an episode in High School, were I was in the eyes of my peers, a nerd. And the first girl I ever asked on a date, laughed at me. Needless to say, I was devastated, rejection was synonymous with humiliation and any trace of confidence was crushed by this unforgettable mental image of laughter. A few years later however, I realized that the lack of confidence I had about women was not a healthy one, and it would rob me of future romance and connection that I believed would enrich my life. So I decided to change. First, I asked myself what rejection really meant in this case. I decided it signified that if I was rejected, the relationship was never meant to be. And if it wasn't meant to be, I would be saving time and money by circumventing an unnecessary date. Second, I thought about what success was in this instance, and decided that it was not in getting the date (that became a benefit of the process), but in assertively and confidently asking for the date. Soon, every time I was rejected, I was empowered with my success in asking, and in saving time and money. In each case I gained more confidence, and as time went on, I was rejected less and less (roughly guessing, from about 5% success to over 60% success). I had overcome my obstacle by repositioning the meanings of what I was taught by society, and the actions that offered me this empowerment and confidence quickly became second nature. I couldn't lose.

So How?

While the implementation of these techniques will defiantly make a great difference in our levels of confidence and our lives in general, it's not easy. It requires us to make conscious decisions in order to develop our unconscious competency. It requires us to take consistent action until it becomes our nature. It requires an uncompromising commitment to improve. And the final question is "Is your success worth the commitment?"

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