Friends of the Establishment


  Even though I've seen these quotes many times I can never manage to get through this page without laughing out loud at least once.  Here are the highlights from many days and nights of social gatherings and occasions of festivity with friends, acquaintances, and partners in crime




“Poor guy.  Striking out right here at the Media Library.”  Mike, library coworker, after watching a guy get rejected



“You are not to study all week, you must drink lots of beer, and fortify your stomach with many bagels and absorbant type foods.”  Chris, on preparing for the roommate challenge



“The only things I’m good at are on the other side of the law.”  –Joe



“Many a night was spent with spirits and friends.”  Jon



“No one likes white?  You racist little brats.”  Steph, referring to her black & white cupcakes



“Real girls?  What am I, a fake girl?”  Jenn



“See, your problem is you're doing way too much sucking and not enough swallowing.”  Ben



Ian: “They said if I sponsored someone I get a free t-shirt.”

Chris: “Don't look at me...  Me and religion don't get along.”

Ian: “I thought you believed.”

Chris: “I believe in Chris.”



Chris: “Beer, helping ugly people have sex since 1862.”

Ian: “What happened in 1862?”



“Who wants to see pictures of me and my horse.”  Joe



“There's not enough time in life for good peeps is you occupy yourself with punks.”  Ian



“I want to see naked girls.  Where can I get that?”  Jon



“It should be a crime to turn me into a criminal.”  Joe



“See, I need the yin to balance my yang.”  Joe



“Now is not the time for work.”  Jason



“Man, all my heroes get locked up.”  Joe



“…I think maturity is a lot like life, it's a work in progress and as long as you keep working at it you get better at it, and you decide what you want it to come out like.  About getting your license, and getting a job, and having a decent work ethic...those seem more like tasks, not like things that make you mature.  I think what makes you mature is striving to be the person you want to be, and standing up to what comes in your way as you try to be that person.”  Meg



“Never ask questions about my computer, because the questions that you ask cannot be answered.”  Jason



“the mature thing to do would be to go out and get yourself laid.”  Joe



“Well you know about numerology?  The 22nd is a vulnerable day.”  Bob, after the Media Dept. tv caught on fire



“I got drunk last night.  I plan on getting drunk tonight and tomorrow night.”  Andrea, roommate challenge 2001



“Cheat to win, whatever it takes.”  Chris



“You got Pay Per View, Showtime, Spice, Pulsar or whatever the fuck that is... You got porn on 18 channels at the same time.”  Nocker, roommate challenge 2001



Ian: “You can't take me.”

Ben:  “Oh, I been took you Ian.  The fucking condom is already in the toilet.”  –roommate challenge 2001



“Get on the horse!  Ride the horse, even if it’s not special!”  Andrea, on relationships and love, roommate challenge 2001



“You’re gonna drink lots of beer and have lots of sex with lots of weird guys.”  Chris, roommate challenge 2001



“Any guy that’s got a problem with his girlfriend drinking is an asshole.  That’s my philosophy.”  Nocker, roommate challenge 2001



“You have to trade your heart for another heart.  You don't give it away.  That's how you get hurt.”  Ian, roommate challenge 2001



“Either you indulge now or you indulge never.”  Nocker, roommate challenge 2001



“I mean, what does it take to be a porno writer?”  Nocker, roommate challenge 2001



“Yo, how about next time we have a weed smoking contest.”  Joe, roommate challenge 2001



Nan: “Your voice sounds Indian.”

Thilak: “My voice doesn’t sound Indian. It sounds.. like it’s inclusive of all races.” (turns to me) “I’m gonna miss this kat.”  –from Intro to Sociology



“The only thing politics can do for the economy is mess it up.”  Jerome



“That place is a collage of stupidity.”  Jerome, on to Cleveland



“Asians and Spanish go hand in hand.”  Ashley



“Nothing’s moral until you judge it.”  Nan



“Time is for the weak.”  Jason



“Have you ever noticed that life just gets in the way of living.”  Jenny



“Progress is an illusion.”  Ian



“I figure rolling with the punches isn’t working, so I’m gonna have to start swinging back.”  Joe



“donkeys and porno...what a combination”  Jess



“It's amazing how much time you guys spend just trying to keep girls in your room.”  Jess



“I may not know about business, but I know about money.”  Joe  



Andrea: “I think I'm just going to have an apple.”

Chris: “Apple?  Apple flavored what, that’s the question.  I don’t think they make Doritos in apple flavor.”



“Everyone should want to marry me. I’m the total package.”  Andrea



“I can't help it that I'm so cute.”  Jess



“You have to draw what’s in your heart.  What’s in my heart is a dog.”  Ben



“You can work out all you want, but you can't work out your face”  Glenn



“It’s not sloppy seconds unless you stick it.”  Ben



“So basically if Rick James hadn't sung Superfreak I would never have been conceived.”  Joe



“Fate is my worst enemy.”  Joe



“If you don't touch me it doesn't count.”  Steph, on cheating



“How come every time I come over here I get wet?”  Steph



“A girl who's not a gold digger?  What the hell is this?”  Nocker



“You can’t touch it, you have to squeeze it!”  Ben



“I don’t know anything.  I know that.”  Joe



“Pain is temporary, pride is forever.”  Chris



“There’s like four dollars there.  What kind of ghetto indecent proposal is that?”  Dave, ski trip 2001



“Does it smell like a black woman?”  Ben, referring to ‘nubian’ incense  



“Alcohol helps the self discovery process.”  Chris



“You grow up in high school but you really grow up on college.”  Jenn



Chris: “Isn't that a Neil Diamond song?

Ian: “Neil Diamond Phillips?

Chris: “Yeah, except that would be Lou Diamond Phillips.”  –too much to drink, 2001



“If you want a war we’ll bring one to your table.”  Joe



“I cannot suffer from too much knowledge.”  Ben



Jon: “Why can't we all have jobs at the same time?”

Ian: Because of the man.



“I’m too honest...  Not in the sense that I don’t steal, lie, and cheat.”  Joe



“It’s wrong when you do it but when we do it it’s ok.”  Ben



“Perseverance may pay off in the future but giving up pays off right now.”  Matt



“I’m hungry.  I’m hungry for women.”  Jon



Jason: “No one should have friends.  Without friends no one can get to you.”

Joe: “Yeah, there’s also no one to save your ass.”



“He asked you to answer the question, not explain the fucking… meaning of life.”  Kenneth, in response to another student’s definition of a ‘point’ in math class



“This looks like the work of humans.”  Ian



“Money is options.”  Allan



“I don’t think you understand the concept of the chicken box.”  Joe



“I don’t want questions, I want answers.”  Joe



“If I were an animal, I’d be a fruit.”  Michael



“You don’t have any rights.  The only right you have is to stay black and die.”  Jason



“Man, if I wasn’t shady I wouldn’t make no money.”  Jason



“Modesty is false.”  Christian



“I don't know what my grades are.  I shall be as surprised as you.”  Jason



“I only drink when there's alcohol.”  Chris



“Pleasure is temporary but happiness lasts.”  Mark



“Boredom breeds alcoholism.”  –written on our house message board



Jenn: “Hey your shirt's cool.  It's got that inside-out look.”
Jess: “Oh shit, it IS inside-out!”



“I never see my wife.”  Nocker



“That's a big STAFF.”  Ian, referring to a bouncer's t-shirt at the Stone Balloon



“The last time I was here it was mug night.  The only thing I remember is buying my mug.”  Jeff, at the Stone Balloon



“Man, you started the gangbang without me?”  Jack



Sexy Beast.  They made a movie about me.”  –Joe, at California Video



“Bah, books.  They make movies now.  No one reads.”  –Dave



Jess: “Chris, I'm not that trashed but I do respect you.”

Ian: “No one respects Chris.”  –roommate challenge 2001



Chris: “Jack, what is your opinion of this drinking contest?”

Jack: “My opinion is we need to drink more.”  –roommate challenge 2001



“If you're down, you're down.  If you're willing to taste the juice, you're willing to taste the juice... You see, no one really knows what's in jungle juice.”  –Joe



Chris: “Yo Ian, kick 'em out.”

Ian: “If I could get up I'd kick 'em out.”  –roommate challenge 2001



Jason: “I should change my major to that.”

Joe: “What?”

Jason: “...Hanging from balcony.”  –junior year, watching people with nothing better to do



Ian: “So you're an angry black man.”

Joe: “I'm the angriest black man in America right about now.”  –senior year



Jess: “I can't believe you all made fun of my little sister and said she was fat.  Chris, did you like her?”

Chris: “She was too fat for even me... And you know how I like fat chicks.”


“I don’t need to be informed.”  Erin



“He’s Mickey Mouse.  He’s supposed to sell-out.”  Kelly



Abby: “I lost Ian.”

Erin: “You lost our roommate?”  –drunken night at Skid-Fest



“See, girls are more smarter.”  Abby



Ian: “Does it make you feel like an old man with all these freshman walking around?”

Carlos: “It makes me feel like a god.”


“I figure if I’m going to be bored I might as well enjoy it.”  Matthew



I'm telling you man, when women fight, 95% of the time it's because she's being characterized as a ho.  Ed



You want to mess up a student's life?  Take his zip disk.”  –Ed



Ian: “Don’t you need qualifications to be an advisor?”

Jonathan: “You would think so... I don’t think you need qualifications to teach art.”



“Men are dumb but women are confused.”  Ed



“Sunday night is like the perfect night to go out and do some graffiti.”  Isaac



Adrianna: So you're going to drink again tonight?

Ian: “No.  I'm not going to drink ever again.

Adrianna: “Oh yes.  That's what all alcoholics say.



See, that's the thing.  It's cheaper but you may get a bite out of our bagel.”  –Isaac, on the Dollar Store



JoeShould I risk losing a friend over sex?

IanYou have lots of friends.



“I have a theory that black people are powered by the sun.”  Ed



“My hangover is wearing off so now I can start drinking again.”  Eric



Work is like Bob's kryptonite.  Chris, library coworker





InvsblHand : don't need anyone to drink
BosMGirl : haha
InvsblHand : chris taught me that
InvsblHand : lol
BosMGirl : lol
BosMGirl : he would teach you that ;-)

InvsblHand : LOL
BosMGirl : i don't think he taught me anything



DNYC795490 : i dont think i know any egyptians
InvsblHand : it's like black but foreign at the same time
InvsblHand : but not scary spice foreign

DNYC795490 : dont u have an asian fetish
InvsblHand : i have many
InvsblHand : i'm an equal opportunity fetishist

DNYC795490 : asian fetishes are rampid...ppl watch too much anime



if we're not thinking with our wangs....we're acting on its behalf  iLLmATiC723



ShubbyC: ...let's say i only start talking to some girl cause she's blonde, does that make me a bad guy?
InvsblHand : a bad guy? i guess that depends on your assumptions about her. if you just like blondes then no
ShubbyC : well i am a bad guy anyway, but i digress
InvsblHand : lol
ShubbyC : like i said though, if some girl was interested in me i'd be open to it, regardless of the reason. i mean look i fell into shamu's trap
InvsblHand : trap? maybe some fish just want to get caught
ShubbyC : maybe some fish just wanna get laid



MoridinS : children of dune is actually good
InvsblHand : you were expecting it to suck

MoridinS : yeah
MoridinS : i expect everything to suck



BosMGirl : i have never seen a cookie that huge in my life
InvsblHand : ohhh, so it looks like a cookie
InvsblHand : i get it

BosMGirl : yea chocolate chip
BosMGirl : it's like the Michael Jackson of cookies



BCarroll33 : i am an old man
InvsblHand : you're only as old as the cereal you eat
BCarroll33 : good point
BCarroll33 : last week i had cocoa puffs

InvsblHand : then you will live forever



MoridinS : my team of black mage, black mage, black mage and black mage will be the ultimate final fantasy combo
InvsblHand : lol
MoridinS : I call it team blackmage



InvsblHand : so you were about to tell me before how you've been corrupted by starbucks
megganio : oh, not corrupted
megganio : i'm just aware that i work for the man

megganio : but that's ok with me because he pays pretty well



BosMGirl: well i thought your muffins were ok :-)

InvsblHand: i think that makes you the only one =]

BosMGirl: yea but like i told joe, i am different :-)

BosMGirl: i like to stand out

InvsblHand: well you go then

BosMGirl: i am the flourescent pink in a world of browns



InvsblHand: yo, what did you guys do with those muffins me and jenn made after i left
MoridinS: we ate them I think
MoridinS: that or beat each other to death with them



yo i had a dream where one of the high school seniors that works in barnes and nobles asked me to the prom  HeySho



sleep is the only noble luxury.  let us partake  Mindgame42



InvsblHand: why is it that the more you want a girl the more attractive she becomes
iLLmATiC723: tell me about it...
InvsblHand: like you see her for a minute and she goes in a store and you decide to talk to her when she comes out. but when she comes out she's even hotter
iLLmATiC723: i think a girl is always hotter when ur face to face 
iLLmATiC723: and ur brain knows ur about to start something 
iLLmATiC723: i think ur brain adds too much hype and ur eyes have to meet the expectations
InvsblHand: good theory




InvsblHand: that's not even the best i've seen
MoridinS: but it can shoot planes out the sky now
InvsblHand: how does it distinguish friend from foe
MoridinS: umm
InvsblHand: umm indeed



“2 ppl in a chatroom isnt feasible unless ur having cybersex”  iLLmATiC723



N05F3R42: I'm cold

InvsblHand: i'm tired and morose

InvsblHand: i think

InvsblHand: i'm not sure if i really know what

morose means”



InvsblHand: why can't i ever get to sleep on time
iLLmATiC723: real men dont get enough sleep”



“high school girls dude... 17, territory”  –Heysho



“see, this is why i need a car. so i can drag race with cute girls and dodge the man.”  –InvsblHand



some stuff you don't need to learn in college”  –Iyaz79



BosMGirl: you know what I noticed today...
InvsblHand: whas dat
BosMGirl: that people in Delaware just drive waaay to slow
if everyone drove here like they do in New Jersey, you'd shave 10 minutes off your trip
InvsblHand: well speed is relative
InvsblHand: i think people in DE just realize they have nowhere to go”



“i think the bible says if adam made the right wouldnt have to go to school”  –iLLmATiC723



InvsblHand: i'm running out of good pics
InvsblHand: try this one

iLLmATiC723: so u still have more....... keep em comin
wants to send file C:\My Documents\My Webs\images\22_002.jpg .
iLLmATiC723 received C:\My Documents\My Webs\images\22_002.jpg .
iLLmATiC723: o man.....nerdy dave
iLLmATiC723: this is going back
iLLmATiC723: this is a good blackmail pic
: lol”



InvsblHand: you're half black and half asian?
hottie911: yes
InvsblHand: single?
hottie911: yes

InvsblHand: i have a proposal for you
hottie911: and what would that be?
InvsblHand: marry me? =]
hottie911: lol



InvsblHand: i'm shocked and amazed
JASMOND770: how so?

InvsblHand: all this time i didn't know you were one of thos mac people
InvsblHand: :-D
InvsblHand: how do you do that. i always get confused with only one button
JASMOND770: :-)
JASMOND770: I'm used to having only one button ;-)
JASMOND770: he he”



InvsblHand: isn't there a grace period after the prom if he wants to break up with her
InvsblHand: and then another grace period before he can meet someone else
SpiritFingers: no he's not like that
SpiritFingers: he can't be alone
InvsblHand: yeah, but that doesn't really look good
SpiritFingers: yeah but we dont care about what people think
SpiritFingers: most everyone likes me
SpiritFingers: i'm a cheerleader and got homecoming court and all that kind of stuff
SpiritFingers: but i'm not snobby”
InvsblHand: well i guess you're all set then. so is he going to break up with her after all?
SpiritFingers: i don't know
SpiritFingers: can't you tell me how to steal a guy
SpiritFingers: you're a guy”  the start of a healthy relationship



BosMGirl: TKE has one too
InvsblHand: ah, the infamous TKE
BosMGirl: lol
BosMGirl: they have a big keggerator
BosMGirl: it's the only kind of fridge with all beer, all the time
InvsblHand: lol
InvsblHand: the Schubert special edition”



“the truth is like a rubber band, stretch it too much and it breaks”  BosMGirl



“This Barbie is looking for a piece of Ken's plastic the cell if you need me ;-)”  Roses27779’s instant messenger profile



“life's too long to have empty regrets.  at least have regrets with good stories attached”  InvsblHand



“we can't find andrea's balls”  Roses27779



“my cousin is gay and he has billions of gay friends. in all different types of gay”  N05F3R47U



“if everyone is messing up, then you have to mess up too to make their work look like the new standard”  MoridinS



CFSugar: geesh, that show undressed is on mtv

InvsblHand: still?

CFSugar: all that show is is clips of what would be before the good stuff in a porno movie

InvsblHand: basically

CFSugar: yup

InvsblHand: i thought they cancelled it

CFSugar: wonder where they get all those actors every single week

InvsblHand: probably the mall”



“i can wait till she's 19”  HeySho



“black guy likes yellow or brown.  yellow guy likes brown.  and brown likes white”  Phantasm279



“anyway, its never how much you do for a person, its how much you sacrifice that is really important”  NYKID01



“aim is the universal language”  iLLmATiC723



“if it was me, i dont think i would mind if they saw me checking them out, they're displaying the merchandise, i have to feel free to shop”  iLLmATiC723



“dont observe conservations, partake in them”  iLLmATiC723



“Nothin ghetto about free ice-cream.”  Mindgame42



InvsblHand: it's kinda messed up to consider your race at odds with the country you live in

iLLmATiC723: yes

Phantasm279: when immigrants come to this country they trade in a piece of their heritage for oppurtunity that america has to offer

iLLmATiC723: yes, ppl dont flee america to search for opportunities in bagdad”



“you don't understand the problem so how can you possibly fix it”  Invsblhand  



CFSugar: well, now you know

InvsblHand: and knowing's half the battle

CFSugar: what's the other half?

InvsblHand: um, gruesome combat i guess”



“nothin betta than dat big ol ghetto buttie”  alex85ball



“I know few people who take a liking in politics… and the few that I know are arrogant bastards”  Stadzz



“pretending to be drunk should be an olympic event”  DNYC795490  



Invsblhand: you've been brainwashed by society
iLLmATiC723: society's been brainwashed by me” 



“he was only a loser in real life, as a teacher he was awesome”  iLLmATiC723, on Mr. Smith



“i remember when i pushed his sister too hard off the swing and she fell on her face and she was angry at me for no reason.  all she said to me every week was "push me, push me!!!!!"”  DNYC795490 quoting iLLmATiC723



“shower water has a sucky life cycle... can you imagine if our lives were like that. you wait for decades to finally get a job for a fraction of a second.”  InvsblHand



“They say emotions are what differentiate us from animals, I say they make us the weakest creatures on Earth.”  N05F3R47U



“you can't expect some boi to clean up after you unless you're insanely wealthy or ridiculously attractive.”  Invsblhand



“this room is full of G W Bush supporters. they cant see the real truth”  NYKID01



“i've always heard its better to be wide as a mayonnaise jar even if you're short”  iLLmATiC723



“don't fret, the world is full of great guys looking for petite girls with breasts no larger than that which fits the average hand”  InvsblHand



“that cheerleading stuff is hardcore”  HeySho



InvsblHand: this is like watching that cable channel where the numbers go along the bottom of the screen
HeySho: you mean tvguide channel?
iLLmATiC723: or espn
InvsblHand: no, the stock numbers”  on the excitement of chat room conversation



“its difficult to identify w/ a country you only hear about, and where you only have spent a month out of your total existence in”  Phantasm279



“whats the point of having it if you never spend it.  dont jay ur money”  iLLmATiC723



“why do people think you're wasted just because you fall asleep on the couch”  InvsblHand



iLLmATiC723: this room needs ppl
InvsblHand: i invited lots of people
DNYC795490: me too
greensteph99: how do u invite people??
DNYC795490: no one wants to come
iLLmATiC723: my chat thing is broken
: cant invite ppl

HeySho: well your invitation retention rate is 1%
: you guys give off a bad mojo
: steph, go to to rate some guys
: lol
: lol”



InvsblHand: the knicks suck
iLLmATiC723: knicks rule

InvsblHand: the knicks aren't fit to hold my afro comb”



“small dunkin donuts iced coffee... $1.17

a nap in the theta house... $5 if you don't live here...

A big ol' bag of crack... priceless ;-)”  Roses27779’s instant messenger profile



iLLmATiC723: spanish and hawaiin, could the world be any better
InvsblHand: i dunno. don't judge a book by it's cover

iLLmATiC723: i'll read the pages in a couple of days”



Shera258: man your week is kinda full
InvsblHand: every week is full, just with different kinds of stuff”



InvsblHand: i feel light headed
HeySho: uh oh

: why
: stop sniffing the white out
: all i had to eat today was 6 poptarts
: 6 poptarts, lol
: and i got 4 hrs sleep last night
: me 2
: 6 pop tarts?
: yeah”



“I suppose males in this day and age would rather have a stupid submissive girl to do their biddings than an intelligent, highly dominant person to be their equal, if not superior.”  N05F3R47U



CFSugar: if you had to get a tatto, what would it be and where?
InvsblHand: it'd say "Al's hardware" right below my navel”



InvsblHand: why does everyone have to agree on hotness
: that's jon
: no no
its about male peer presure
: if someone doesnt find a girl he thinks is hot, he thinks something is wrong with that person
: to be a man u gotta give into peer pressure, dont u read Maxim
: i accept the fact that ian has horrible taste but he's my bud
: lol
: lol
: thanks dad
: sure son”



InvsblHand: we have no secrets here
NYKID01: yes we do”



“movies and pictures are one thing, but text porn is almost impossible to go without”  InvsblHand



“ian, you must master your urges”  EesyLang



Shera258: I am sorry I am typing a lot
InvsblHand: that's what you're supposed to do on IM
InvsblHand: it keeps the other person interested”



“i understand one thing....... there are lots of things i dont understand.”  HyperHypo2004



“seriously though, i think filipinos are the most accepted race...there are white filipinos (jon), spanish flip (me), black ghetto flip (ryan biazon), and chinese flip (ash). u can connect with just about anyone.”  DNYC795490