WORDizBORN Editorial Staff
When I decided to add an editorials section to this website I realized that this one-man show wasn't going to meet any deadlines. So I tried to think of the best way to get effective writers and supporting staff without having to actually pay anyone. That's when I remembered the saying about the room full of monkeys and typewriters that, if left to their own devices, would eventually produce a masterpiece. I knew I was on to something.
Chief Editor: Munky Zeero
I found this guy at the neopets.com website, where he was updating his resume while waiting for someone to adopt him. I figured he could pass for a monkey in the way that Pikachu can pass for an electric mouse if you sorta squint and see it shoot electricity and overhear someone say it's an electric mouse. Munky, on the other hand, has no special powers that I know of, except that he can type 200 words a minute. I decided to make him chief editor because he's so cute.
Assistant Editor and Layout Artist: Web Monkey
You probably know this guy from his high profile job working on the internet. Coming so highly recommended, I couldn't imagine a better monkey to do graphics and html work for my site. So with a little sweet-talking I managed to convince him to moonlight at Remix on the conditions that he gets to wear a mask and carry his orange wrench with him to work, no questions asked. Sometimes he'll take his wrench and disappear for hours at a time, eventually turning up with a fistful of greasy bolts and that same crazy grin on his face. I've started following the local news more closely, just to be safe.
Content Advisor: Surf Monkey
I knew this guy was on a serious personal mission the second I realized that he dresses up like an alien space plumber at the expense of his dignity just to keep the kids happy while he fights against the evil forces of inappropriate adult content. That's the kind of self-sacrifice I want on my team. So when he's not surfing the internet on his banana-colored surfboard and stamping out vulgarity wherever it rears its ugly head, he's agreed to fight an unending quest to keep my editorials "family oriented", in the vaguest sense of the term.
Field Reporter: Monkey
Since Monkey doesn't talk or write, most of the time he's out following up on a lead or hunting down a good story idea. Either that, or he's off saving the planet from Reptar or Giant Robotic Barbara Streisand. Then he comes back and hops up and down for half an hour while the staff tries to understand what he's saying. I'm actually honored to have a real superhero on the staff. And I think the string of screeches and chattering that he emits means he's honored too.
Syndicated Columnist: Gorilla Grodd
At this point I had just about decided to make blue the official color of the company uniform, with a mask being optional. Then Grodd came along and made open nudity the exception to the rule. Gorilla Grodd is a pretty opinionated guy. He informed me of that during his interview, right before he cursed Batman and ate the stack of photo copier paper on my desk. Often the memos I ask him to type up come back as plans for global domination or with gorilla laser schematics scribbled in the margins. But being in the Legion of Doom allows him to speak from the point of view of the underdog and I can always count on Grodd to tell it like it is.
Style Consultant and Critic: Indie Monkey
When I think style, I think of a monkey in unlaced orange tennis shoes. That's why when I saw this fellow in the Olive Garden sending back a bottle of their best wine because the colors on the label clashed, I knew I had to sign him on the spot. According to Indie Monkey, there's just so much uncouth going around that not keeping this site on the cutting edge of posh would be a bigger crime than wearing green after groundhog's day.
Technical Support Intern: chimpanzee in a suit
This guy applied for the job so we hired him. He was also the only unskilled walk-in applicant that didn't have a trainer leading him by a leash. And he's a pretty snappy dresser so most of the time we teasingly call him Armani, GQ or just Suit Monkey. Come to think of it, no one really knows what his name is. He handles all our tech support issues and makes fairly good cappuccino.