These are just a few quotes I picked up. I have tried to filter out the cheesy or obnoxious ones but some may have sliped through. Some of them aren't true but most are damn funny. These are from Amanda’s Quotes and Poetry Page.
"Dreams come a size too big so that we can grow into them." ---Josie Bisset
"True courage is to stand against evil, even when we stand alone." ---Richard Edgely
"A child is like a piece of paper on which every passerby leaves a mark." ---Chinese proverb
"When we forgive, we free ourselves from the bitter ties that bind us to the one who hurt us." ---Claire Frazier-Yzaguirre
"It takes a lot of courage to show your dream to someone else." ---Erma Bombeck
"It's better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you are not." ---Unknown
"Do not hesitate to tell somebody you love them, for tomorrow may never come." ---Unknown
"Teens are thoughtful, helpful, and loving." ---Jennifer Leigh Youngs
"How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in your life you will have been all of these." ---George Washington Carver
"Suicide sometimes proceeds from cowardice, but not always; for cowardice sometimes prevents it; since as many live because they are afraid to die, as die because they are afraid to live." ---Charles Caleb Colton
"A child does not have to be taught how to be happy or the ways of love. It is fear, hatred, and prejudice that have to be taught. And from the condition of the world we can see that unfortunately there are some very good teachers." ---Javan
"The human spirit can endure sickness; but a broken spirit--who can bear?" ---Proverbs 18: 14
"Growing up sometimes forces us to confront the distance between our childhood hope and the truth."
"For every minute you are angry, you lose sixty seconds of happiness." ---Ralph Waldo Emerson
"To keep the feelings trapped inside is a torturous experience, one that empties your soul." ---Charlotte Levy
"The craziest, most selfish act is to commit suicide. When you kill yourself, you kill others." ---Jenny Joseph
"If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars." ---Unknown
"Whoever belittles another lacks sense, but an intelligent person remains silent." ---Proverbs 11: 12
"Live like there is no tomorrow, and live tomorrow like there was no yesterday." ---Lindsay Matheus
"After I'm dead, I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one." ---Marcus Porcius Cato
"Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first." ---Mark Twain
"The biggest mistake you can make is continually fearing you will make one." ---Unknown
"I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand." ---Confucius
"The probability that we may fail in the struggle ought not to deter us from the support of a cause we believe to be just." ---Abraham Lincoln
"Risk more than others think is safe. Care more than others think is wise. Dream more than others think is practical. Expect more than others think is possible." ---Cadet maxim, West Point, New York
"Anything unattempted remains impossible." ---Unknown
"Your day will go the way the corners of your mouth turn." ---Unknown
"Treat a person as he is, and he will remain as he is. Treat him as he could be, and he will become what he should be." ---Jimmy Johnson
"I believe in rules. Sure I do. If there weren't any rules, how could you break them?" ---Leo Duracher
"The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet." ---Bill Cosby
"I'm so far gone that I'm telling the truth. It sounds like a foreign language." ---Father Figure by Richard Peck
"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back." ---Franklin Jones
"Asking politicians to give up a source of money is like asking Dracula to forsake blood." ---Cal Thomas
"A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well-known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized." ---Fred Allen
"Don't be so humble--you are not that great." ---Golda Meir
"God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time." ---Robin Williams (on Clinton/Lewinsky affair)
"If you're going to make every game a matter of life or death, you're going to have a lot of problems. For one thing, you'll be dead a lot." ---Dean Smith
"Home is a place where teenagers go to refuel." ---Unknown
"Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want." ---Tori Filler
"Teenager with nose ring, baggy clothing and spiked hair to friend: I don't really like dressing like this, but it keeps my parents from dragging me everywhere they go." ---Unknown
"I knew we were in for a long season when we lined up for the national anthem on opening day and one of my players said, 'Every time I hear that song I have a bad game.'" ---Jim Leyland
"You've reached middle age when all you exercise is caution." ---Unknown
"Mobile phones are the only subject on which men boast about who's got the smallest." ---Neil Kinnock
"The secret of managing is to keep the guys who hate you away from the guys who are undecided." ---Casey Stengal
"Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them." ---Unknown
"It's better to leave while staying is welcomes than to stay while leaving is welcomed." ---Unknown
"One time a windshield wiper will work properly is when it's holding a parking ticket." ---Unknown
"When a husband brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason." ---Molly McGee
"You know you're in love when you take the longer way to class even if it means going up two extra stair cases just to see his face." ---Unknown
"He who laughs last probably didn't get the joke." ---Unknown
"Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn't be done." ---Sam Ewing
"A thoughtful kid is one who leaves enough gas in the tank for you to get to the filling station." ---Unknown
"In my day, we couldn't afford shoes, so we went barefoot. In the winter we had to wrap our feet with barbed wire for traction." ---Bill Flavin
"A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water." ---Unknown
"Everyone has the ability of making someone happy, some by entering the room, others by leaving it." ---Unknown
"If you think something small can't make a difference, try going to sleep with a mosquito in the room." ---Unknown
"If pro is the opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress?" ---Unknown
"A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be." ---Unknown
"A bargain is something you cannot use at a price you cannot resist." ---Unknown
"Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked." ---Kimberly Broyles
"Shipwrecked man to another: 'Don't worry--we'll be found. My pledge to the church is due this week.'" ---Al Johns
"Late night TV is very educational. It teaches you that you should have gone to bed earlier." ---James Dent
"Government is like junior high. Your status depends upon whom you're able to persecute." ---Jonathan Kellerman
"He gave me a copy of The Declaration of Independence, then he got a tattoo that says Give Me Liberty Or Give Me Death. I think my boyfriend wants his freedom." ---The Better Half cartoon by Randy Glasbergen
"Guys who have big muscles and a nice car are usually trying to make up for a lost feature." ---Unknown
"You can't say civilization isn't advancing: in every war, they kill you in a new way." ---Will Rogers
"My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right." ---Ashleigh Brilliant
"Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult." ---Charlotte Whittond
"I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours." ---Jerome K. Jerome
"After looking at the bill for my operation, I understand why the doctors wear masks in the operating room." ---Unknown
"I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants." ---A. Whitney Brown
"Okay, so God made man first, but doesn't everyone make a rough draft before they make a masterpiece?" ---Courtney Huston
"Tolerance is a great trait to contain, but so is the ability to shut up." ---Unknown
"English is a funny language--that explains why we park our car on the driveway and drive our car on the parkway." ---Mark Grasso
"The person who says 'I won't say another word' always does." ---Suzan L. Wiener
"One of the hardest things to imagine is that you are not smarter than average." ---Jonathan Fuerbringer
"A perfect method of adding drama to life is to wait until the deadline looms large." ---Alyce P. Cornyn-Selby
"You can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that, you better know something." ---H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
"Never miss a chance to keep your mouth shut." ---Robert Newton Peck
"School is like a lollipop. It sucks until it is gone." ---Ashley Salvati
"Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep." ---Scott Adams
"A word to the wise isn't necessary, it is the stupid ones who need all the advice." ---Bill Cosby
"A baby is an angel whose wings decrease as his legs increase." ---Unknown
"The man who can't dance thinks the band is no good." ---Polish Proverb
"Forgive your enemies--if you can't get back at them any other way." ---Franklin P. Jones
"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then give up. There's no use in being a damn fool about it." ---W.C. Fields
"It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water." ---Franklin P. Jones
"If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers." ---Doug Larson
"A smart person knows all the rules so he can break them wisely." ---Lubna Azmi