5/1 (12:40 p.m.) Um...yea. Women is crazy

So I've really been getting into Marvel vs Capcom 2, like strategy wise and stuff. I've been playing at home and at the arcade (but not as much as I would like to. No fair) I look at forums mostly and there are some REALLY good players around this country and in Japan. They play at these huge tournaments and stuff. I wish I had the time and money to actually go to these things. They are mostly held in California and Florida. They need to bring it over here to Chicago sometime!

Oh. And my computer went down again, FOR THE THIRD FRIKIN' TIME! I got it back up, but I might not have internet capabilites 'til Friday. THIRD TIME AND STILL KICKING!

4/24 (11:38 P.M.) - Women are the most complex things on this planet Earth, possibly the universe. More complex than any organism, math equation, any computer stuff, any school dilemma, in fact....they are the most complicated things in the universe. That's what I have learned since going out with Jacqui. I don't think I've even begun to scratch the surface of the female mind. And it's funny because for a long while I thought I did. I've never been so wrong about anything in my life. But I will continue on my quest, the the quest for the Holy Female Mind (Monty Phython reference for those who just don't know).

Sorry for the extreme lack of updates and overall laziness around the site. School and Jacqui are everything in my life right now and I have little time for anything else. I know that's not a very good excuse because it takes very little time and effort to update this site, but I have alot of important decisions to make in the next month or two, and alot of changes I have to make if I want to be something in this life, both career and character wise, and to be honest, it is quite overwhelming. So please bear with me friends.

3/20> (9:33 P.M.) - Well tomorrow is the one year anniversary of Berdenzine! Alot of stuff has happened since then. I wish I had something special planned for tomorrow, but as you all know, I'm a lazy bastard. So poo for you.

I've been seeing Jacqui alot lately and our relationship is getting pretty serious. Just everything about her makes me tingle. Her face, her hair, her big japaname girl eyes, damn! It's crazy!

And now....to Friar's

3/8 (10:38 P.M.) - OOOOOOOOO OOOOOO! While looking up research for an expository paper (due tomorrow) I came across the most factual statement I have ever come upon concerning violence in the media and their affects on teens.

Cultural artifacts are not simple
chemical agents like carcinogens that produce
predictable results upon those who consume them.  They
are complex bundles of often contradictory meanings
that can yield an enormous range of different
responses from the people who consume them.   

Wow! To read more go here.

3/5 (7:23 A.M.) - Just coming back from Chicago. Me and my sister had to drop my dad off at the airport. He's gonna be in Oklahoma City for about 2-3 months. So I get to live at my mom's house. Hee hee. I'll still be over here mostly though. I'll just use her house for sleep. Then again, who needs sleep?

Had a sleep over Friday with Jeff, Alvin, and Jacqui. Too much fun. I tried calling Colt, but he wasn't answering. Nuts to him. Then I Jacqui and I saw Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon on Saturday, but I felt bad cause she had not gotten any sleep from the previous night and she seemed exhausted kinda. Sorrowfulness.

2/28 (8:49 P.M.) - I am getting tired of this. Every semester it's the exact same pattern. I'm tired of my dad yelling at me all the time. He is acting like a real dick. I want to say that to his face, but I'm not because he has all the right in the world to be mad at me. It's not his fault I go through this "mode" every semester. Not at all. But it really taxes (lack of a better word at the moment) my patience when he yells at me. I hold in my anger and just push it aside, but in doing so I become more depressed and more indifferent to everything. That's one of he reason's I havent updated in a while. I stopped caring about it. But right now I'm kinda frustrated because of this predicament. I can't frikin' do anything. He won't let me go to tech or jazz band, I can't talk to anyone when he's around, I just have to sit here and stare at this damn computer screen for 3-4 hours and drool. I think I've alienated all my friends and it looks like it won't be too long before Jacqui starts to feel it too. The end of this six weeks is approaching at full speed, my grades are in shambles, I think Mr. Mooney, one of the few teachers I actually respected and had some sort of repertoire with, has lost all faith and respect in me, which has made my day all the more shittier, I thought I was doing really well in CAD, but I've found out that I'm getting a 206 out of 400 cause I missed a assignment a while ago when I was out for 3 days sick, I think I'm doing better now, but I know it's not by much, I almost vomited at school from eating too much Basic 4 breakfast cereal straight out of the box, my boots have lost all gripability and I slip way too easily in the halls, my dad is going to be out of town for 3 months for some job, which means I'm going to have to move back in with my mom (with daddy house priveledges over the weekend, so that ain't too bad), my interest in eating seems to be dwindling bit by bit everyday that goes by, I've only worked for 2 days at Hollywood park for the past 2 weeks, I was supposed to work on Monday, but I had no way of getting up there since everybody had a car cept me so I had to call off, I think I'm going to snap on the next person who whispers very loudly to their friends (as if they purposely want me to hear it) that I look like fucking Side Show fucking Bob, I should be doing my papers right now(!), my dad says he's going to make me stay in all weekend and make me do all of my paper's over again over the weekend, even though he knows that they are going to be worthless (dad* It show's that you have effort! *d's intent to kill growing*), and if that happens I will not be held responsible for my actions, and.....and.......and......gah! Everything sucks so horribly right now. On the bright side, I'm getting better at Marvel vs Capcom 2 for dreamcasty. The controller is not as bad as I previously thought.

Oh look, here comes daddy to yell at me some more for not staying on task. Oh joy.

2/21 (9:16 A.M.) - Now today I'm screwed. yesterday I kinda got off, but today I'm screwed. I finally got caught up in keyboarding though. Too bad everything else is falling apart. This always always happens. I start off doing fine, then I start missing assignments, then I start missing more assignmnts, then I get depressed, then I become indifferent, and then I fail. A vicious cycle indeed.

(10:38 P.M.) - I'm trying to start my narrative story, but I can't find my notebook with my opening paragraph in it. Great!

So I went to Friar's today. I'm not good anymo. I don't practice nearly as much as I used to. I did not win one game of anythin. Got my ass beat on Marvel vs. Capcom 2 trying experiment with new characters. And this friggin' girl kept pushing my jump button while I was playing the Grid, and she made me lose my calm and I sorta pushed up her up against the wall yelling at her to stop. Now that I look back at it, I realize it wasn't the right thing to do, but I lost my temper. Something I haven't done in a long time. I only had like 3 tokens left and this little girl was jeapordizing my win. I ended up losing anyways. I told the little girl "thanx", and she said "fuck you". I just laughed and left. I don't think I'm going to Friar's for a while. Not till' get better.

2/19 (9:10 A.M.) - Man today is gonna suck sooo much. Couldn't do any homework over the weeekend. My english techer, Mr. Mooney, one of the few teachers in the school I was friends with before I actually had a class with them, is going to change his whole perception of me when he finds out have done almost jack squat in my portfolio. And I didn't finish my art or my other english paper. Gah. I was supposed to have a test today in psychology, but she didn't give it for some reason. So that's one less worry. But yeah. I'm screwed.

On a good note, I saw Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon yesterday. I can honestly say that is the best movie I've ever seen. It had everthing: action, romance, mystery, craziness! Yeah. I especially loved the forest fighting scene. Wish I could float around like that.

2/18 (5:47 P.M.) - Whole day, wasted. Down the drain. Ah well. Damnation. Got school tomorrow. Got crap due. Was gonna attempt to do it today. whatever. So tired. So very tired. I'm a going to the movies.....alone..... Maybe that will untire me.

2/17 (2:08 P.M.) - Everytime I see Jacqui, we seem to stay out later and later. We also get freakier and freakier. So it evens out.

I got soooo much homework to do and I have no time to do it over this 3-day weekend cause of work. Today I work 5p.m. to close, tomorrow I work 2p.m.-10p.m. and on my god-damn day off, Monday, I gatta work 9a.m.-5p.m.! Ga! No fair. Do I smell 5 year? (sniff sniff) blek.

2/16 (12:07 P.M.) - Gonna see Jacqui tonight! Yup yup. Good times man.

My breathe smells like peanut butter, but I've been eating only cinnamon graham cracker's for the past 2 days. Strange...

2/15 (12:11 P.M.) - Geeze man. I can't concentrate on anything today. I'm like a floating blob of goop trudging through the day. Shlurp shlurp flup. Can't even walk staight goddamnit!. Ga!

Meteorfest tryouts are tonight. Didn't get a song ready in time though. I'm in 2 acts as of right now, but it woulda been fun. I still might be able to do it though. If I can get a hold of the right peoples.

Oh yea. Today's my birthday. whopedy.

(4:17 P.M.) - I think I'm getting dumber by the minute yall, ahyuk. I'm not able to do things that used to be really easy for me to do (like making good sentences!). I can't write well anymore on school stuff, I couldn't help Jacqui with her math, I couldn't answer those questions on that super hard test, my mouth is tainted with the taste of 2 boxes worth of Fruit Gushers......wait....what was I talking about? See! I can't even concentrate on a dang sentence! man...duh...ummm....boop boop boop. Maybe I should go to the ol' retarded peoples house. Where the retarded peoples run free. Like squirrels. Ya. You never seen a captured squirrel before. Nope nope. Wish I was a squirrel. A flying squirrel! Oh yea.

2/14 (9:26 A.M.) - Happy Valentine's day everybody! Especially you Jacqui! Love for all! Especially you Jacqui! I meant to write more. Dangy.

2/13 (12:19 P.M.) - Damn. I can't think of what to write. I'll get back to you in a few.

(12:56 P.M.) Alrighty. So I took this math test today for some national school-wide contest or something with a bunch of my friends. And we looked at the answer sheet. 25 questions. "Only 25 questions!?", we scoffed. "Ha! With a couple of math geniouses like us, we'll be done with this test in no time!". 85 minutes later, we only had 6 questions answered and we weren't even sure if they were right. Just horrible. That test totally destroyed our math egos. I was gonna post some of the questions, but I don't have the time to right now. Maybe later tonight. After my dad takes me to get my DREAMCASTY!!! Woooo! I will be untouchable! Muahahaha! All I needs is an arcade stick and I'll be set.

Hmm. Jacqui isn't having a good day today. Damn the Gods.

(9:22 P.M.) - I got my Dreamcasty! Woooooo! I will be untouchable!!!! Woooo!!!!!!! But I ain't got no games for it yet! Woooo....aw. Dangy. I'll get some tamarawaw.

So I went to see my psychiatrist today. We talked about "school" for about 2 minutes then we started talking about other stuff. Like my trip to Disney world. Fun stuff. He told me that he wanted 3 things before he died. To speak spanish, learn to sail (which he is currently taking classes for), and somthing else. Maybe it was just 2 things. He knows I don't really have a problem, so we just talk about stuff for 50 minutes or so. What a waste o' my parents $$$. Ha! Ah well.

2/11 (6:12 P.M.) - I'm at my grandma's house right now. This was supposed to be my pseudo-birthday party I guess. I got a piece of cake and everything. I drove here from work and I totally missed the exit to her house. I had to make a U-turn on a narrow street and I almost hit a van. Damn van. I got so much homework to do and I haven't even started any of it. Crappy.

(9:10 P.M.) - My God. This digital cable sucks so friggin' much. There are like 300+ channels, and none of them have anything interesting on. NONE OF THEM! Everything that is being transmitted to my cable box right now is digital poo. Geeze o' man. It's the same as our old non-digital box except now I can spend more time sifting through channel after channel of crap. I thought M2 would be better than MTV, all they show are old and crappy videos. And MTVX would be nice if they didn't recycle the same goddamn Greenday/Lincoln Field/Papa Roach video's day in and day out. Ga! The only thing worth watching anymore is Outlaw Star. Listen to your parents kids. T.V. is bad for you!

(9:45 P.M.) - That's it. "T.V. Entertainment Value" = 0. "Internet Entertainment Value (as of this moment)" = 0. "Activity in d's Creativity Gland right now" = 0. I can't think of any other way to pass the time. Guess I'm just gonna have to do the unthinkable........my homework. I wish it didn't have to come to this.

2/10 (5:43 A.M.) - Just got back from taking Jacqui home. What a night! Filled with Friar's, McDonald's, and ALOT of kissing. If only every night were as sweeeet. Tired I am. 8:30 A.M Meeting I have for work. 2 hours and 15 min sleep here I come!

(1:49 P.M.) - I totally missed that 8:30 A.M. meeting. Like totally. But my manager said it was no problem, so no problems.

(4:24 P.M.) - Hmmm. Dad is at hospital and sister has car. And I got work at 5. Hmm. Guess I'm gonna have to do some walkin'.

2/8 (11:12 A.M.) - So me and Jacqui are OFFICIALLY going out (d breaks out into gospel 45 "Oh Happy Day!" with a tamberine, then returns to computer and maintains composure). That intimate night we spent together on Sunday really opened our eyes to each other. Is it love!? Is it lust!? Maybe a little bit of both!? Iunno. Check out her work in progress at Lady Death 3000. Ya!

I've been sick for the past 2 days. Actually I've been sick for a while, but I've been staying home from school for the past 2 days. My damn throat had been actin' funny since Sunday (he he). But I get out o' school, so I'm not saying a damn thing, besides the stuff I just said. So after this, no mo!

(12:25 P.M.) - Added a bunch of links in the Links section. Just in case.

2/6 (11:16 P.M.) - Damn Mr. Malik. Made us stay till 3rd quarter of the game. I bolted out of there so fast!

Damn I'm tired.

2/5 (1:04 A.M.) - Man o' man. Tonight was one of the greatest nights I've ever had. I finally got to "hang" with Jacqui at her house. I installed the "Reason" program on her computer so she and her brother could make beats or whatever. Then her brother tried to burn a copy, but it wasn't burnig right or somethin'. After we all talked for a little more, Jacqui and I went to Aurilios. There was this little 10-12 year old girl there who seemed to be quite popular cause all the teenage worker guy's were flirting with her. Weird town. As we got into my car to leave, she asked me if she wanted a taste of her sucker that the waitress had given us. She lured my mouth to hers and we started kissing. oooooo!When we got beack to her house, she showed me something in her basement: AN ORIGINAL MS. PACMAN ARCADE GAME!!!!!!! The one where you sit down and the screen is like a flat top. Sorta like the old football games. It was in perfect shape and everything. After a couple of games she offered me a mint, but said that I had to take from her mouth. So we tounge wrassled for a little bit. Then after a couple of more games, she leaned over the game and started kissing me some more. Then we stopped playing. After a while we some how ended up in a bedroom with her in my lap and me trying to teach her a guitar lick. Then our eyes met and we started kissing again and we couldn't stop. We were cuddling for what had to be at least an hour and a half. And it felt soooooooooo good! Man. I wish I was still with her right now. We had our clothes on and stuff. No sexual activity yet my friends. That's gatta wait. It was around 12:15 A.M. when we finally stopped. I called my dad to tell him I was coming home and that I was sorry for calling so late, but he sounded like he really didn't mind. Jacui and I (english rules) couldn't even let go of each other till we got to my car and I drove off. I'm talking to her now as I write this and she's telling me she wants to "start over" with me. Damn straight! I bet all of this sounds really mooshy gooshy, but I don't care! I'll stop now. I would write more on the subject, but as you can safely assume, I am dead tired.

2/3 (9:44 A.M.) - Had a worker meeting at 8:30 this morning. We talked about some new games and closing procedures and stuff. Ya know. But the real excitement came when a cop pulled me over right in front of my house. And he laughed cause my driver's license is kind abroke, and he would get laughed at he he showed this to the rest of the officers. I woulda had to go to jail! Luckily he was cool about it and let me get off with a warning. That's like 4 or 5 warnings now.

2/3 (11:52 P.M.) - Actually I do have something to talk about, but it is an event unfolding before thine (mine) eyes. I'll write all about it in major and minor detail when everything unfolds.

2/1 (11:58 P.M.) - 2 things to talk about.

1. On monday in a vain attempt to appear weird and mysterious, I wrote big X on the left lens of my glasses with a permanent marker. I didn't realize until much later that permanent marker works really good on glass lenses. It was stuck there for about 3 days. When I visited my psychiatrist, he had some cotton pads that you would use for sterilization of a wound for me to use. And they worked extremely well. So now the X is off, but now I kinda miss it cause it was with me for so long.

2. I ditched my 7th hour art fundamentals class today. There was a sub there, but a guest speaker was supposed to talk for the rest of the hour. But we had to move to a different room. So while everyone got up and left, I stayed, sitting in my little rolling chair. And nobody seemed to notice, including the sub, so I just left the school premises. He took attendance before-hand so I think I should have nothing to worry about. That is unless he noticed that I was gone. Then I might be in some trouble. I ditched around 2:40 P.M. and got to Friar's at 2:45 P.M. And I left from there at exactly 8:30 P.M. So that's 5 hours and 45 minutes of Friar's fun! They finally opened the pizza place next door that's supposed to be an expansion of the main arcade area. Nothing but kiddie games and ticket prizes over there. Sorta reminds me of another place I go to....gah.

1/31 - All you guys should check out (clickhere)gamebasement(clickhere). It's agame where you fight websites and get experience points to become stronger and fight other, bigger websites. I fought berdenzine and won! Awesomeness.

1/30 (12:15 P.M.) - Woo! Lookie lookie! My scroll bar is awesome! Wish I knew what the tag ment but hey!

(1:00 P.M.) - I talked to Jacqui yesterday/this morning. She's going through some really hard times right now. I'm not at liberty to tell all, so I'll just leave it at that. We're supposed to hang out on Saturday, but I don't know. Everytime we plan to do something, it just never seems to happen. Whatever.

1/29 (1:50 A.M.) - Update about what?

1/27 (2:47 A.M.) - Well I'm back online again. Whopedy.

What a crazy night at Friar's. Some people from the northside of Chicago were there. They we're pretty good. But we, the Friar's Guild, showed them what for!

1/26 (12:39 P.M.) - My dad got a digital cable box a couple of days ago. It's sweet! We get a whole crapload of channels! Even M2! and there's even another MTV channel. It's called MTVX I think. It shows nothing but rock videos. Awesome. Got all the Skinemax and HBO channels. And a whole bunch of channels that I've never even heard of. Crazy stuff.

I've been playing Final Fantasy III(VI) alot lately. I started from an old file that I had a while ago. Right now I'm teaching all my people's all the spells by firghting the Intangir on Triangle Island. 10 Magic points a pop! And I finally beat ChronoTrigger. The last boss isn't all that hard though. I wanna see the other endings too. Still can't beat that old guy with the stick in Super Punch Out. He's not even supoosed to have a stick! No fair. I was thinking about starting a new game in Mario Rpg, but it erased all my data last time I was playing. And I was really really far too. I think I was fighting the little dojo master hand or something. WHatever man. Who needs Playstation2 when I got my SNES right hyea!?

1/24 (1:07 P.M.) - I've been thinking about this "girlie" situation lately and I've figured out another reason why I'm in this "predicament" (I "love" quotaion marks). Now some of you might put this off saying this is a stupid reason, but I think it's because of my mixed background. I'm "black" and "white" (or "whack" as I like to say). I'm too white for blackies and to black for whities. Maybe this isn't true statement, but it would explain alot. I think me and Jacqui sorta connected cause although she was white, she had been dating black and white guys before (sometimes simultaneously), and had no sense of prejudice what-so-ever. I don't know. Ah who cares what I think. I'm all hyped up on honeybuns.

?/? (??:?? A.M.) - I know I haven't mentioned it before, but my parents hired me a psychiatrist to figure out what's wrong (right!) with me. My parents and I had our first session yesterday. Nothing too tear jerkin' yet. Just a couple of questions. My next session is next wednesday.....alone. Ooooooo!! Actually the psychiatrist is a pretty swell guy. He was telling me that he wouldn't have gone to college and become a shrink if it weren't for Vietnam, or "the Namm". He was going to be a railroad switcher like his dad. Just like in the cartoons. But he used his G.I. Bill to get his doctorate. Er something.

1/23 (12:16 P.M.) - My new schedule is awesome! My last class is right next to the exit that leads to my car! So I don't have to deal with ride begger's or teacher's or those damn pedophile janitors! I got home in less than 3 minutes after the bell! Awesome!. I also found out that I got the highest score on my sociology final out of my class. I barely did any homework and I did not take one single page of notes. Go figure. I also might have to drop CAD to get another English class. But that's ok. CAD is great and all, but it's not teaching me anything new or interesting.

I had so much confidence today. I don't know where it all came from, but I was glowing all day. I finally have an art class to express my self so that's cool. No more getting yelled at for doodling. I just might get extra credit. He he. Hopefully I'll have just enough credits to get by. Else I'll have to take a summer course. Whatever man! Highschool! Woooo!

Outlaw Star rocks so much. Betta than DBZ even!

1/22 (12:27 A.M.) - I was late for work today. I thought I worked from 5 to close. But I really worked 2 to close. They called me around 3 to remind me. Ha! Damn my hide.

No school tomorrow (today). Woo. I'm goin over my friends house to practice for the school meteorfest that's coming up. It's just like a talent show. Out of all the years I've been here, I had not been in one performance. But all that is going to change this year! We're doing some Tear's in Heaven thing with me on the guweeweetar. And maybe some other stuff. We don't know exactly what right now, but we'll get it! And I'm gonna perform one of my own songs live. I'm in the process of making it now. Still not sure how it's gonna sound, but I'll get it! It's gonna be a Umpfaloompa jam, as my friend Matt calls it. Hee hee! Anticipation my friend!

1/21 (1:44 A.M.) - What a wasted day. This mornig I went to a pancake house in Chicago for my mom's birthday. There is a big ol' House o' Pancakes right by our house and she decides to go to Chicago. I got home at around 1:00 P.M. and spent the rest of the day at Friar's. 12 hours straight. From 1 P.M. to 1 A.M. I'm starting to get a little sick of Friar's. I have a slight headache right now. I don't know if it is from Friar's, but I never get headaches so it has to be something. I tried calling JackieG from Friar's, but her phone made strange noises. Evil noises. Ah well. Being at friar's for a half a day really tires you out. I barely maintaining conciouscosity right now. Guess I could attempt to stay the night at my mom's house.

1/20 (1:32 A.M.) - Can't think. Can't think. Evil Derek psyched me out on Marvel Vs. Capcom 2 today. It's been almost an hour and I still can't think straight! Ga.

Sometimes I think too much. Wait, let me rephrase that. I think waaay too much. Think think think. Why can't I just do it!? Why does there have to be a reason by everything? I've missed out on alot. And I always end up regretting it. I can't be free of thought. I can't just be me. I gotta act different. I gotta look cool. I gatta be different. Agh! Too much thinking. sigh.........I sometimes just stop and observe. I look at the trees, the clouds, the people passing by, the inanimate objects all around me. I just stop and look at them, instead of me. An open field. The most peaceful place to be. At night or during the day. That's were you can observe the best. There's nothing for you to do but look all around you. You start realizing how small you are. How insignifacant you are. How if you just dropped off the face of the Earth, the world would keep turning. Time would not stop. Everything would keep on going, just without you. So I just whatch sometimes. Every little thing. I try too look at all the trees in the forest. I try to look at all the blades of grass. I try to see all the clouds in sight. I look at everyone's face. Not just the best looking ones. I try to look in between the trees to the other side of the forest. I imagine what the air currents in the sky look like. I try to look at everything.....I've been by myself alot lately. And I've kinda been keeping it that way on purpose. I don't know exactly why. It's not like I don't like my friends anymore. It's just that I feel more liberated without them. I don't have to compromise. Anything I wanna do I do it. No arguing no nutin. I don't really have to worry about anyone but me. I'm not saying I don't have fun when I'm with my friends. In fact, I can honestly say that I have more fun with my friends than when I'm by myself. But I feel more liberated when I'm alone. Not being held back. I'd rather have more freedom than fun. Even if I were to get lost in a big city, even though I would have a better chance of becoming un-lost if I had a companion with me, I'd still prefer to be by myself. So I wouldn't have that weight holding me down. I don't know how to explain it clearly. Call it lack of extra baggage or something. I don't know. I can be a really party animal sometimes. But I can also be a party pooper. Not being myself. Trying to be superficial. Trying to be "cool". Trying to impress everybody. It never ever works. But I always do it. Unconcioulsy. I don't even acknowledge your presence. I see you there. I say hi or something. But I don't realize that you are there. Your as stale to me as an empty bottle of non-alcoholc, %100 grape-juice (which I have just finished). You're a doll that I want to play house with. "C'mon little dolly! We're going to happy land where everyone praises me! You will be my little follower! Marvel at my eccentricity! Muaha ha ha ha!". I'm to full of myself. Get off your damn soapbox d! whine whine non-alcoholic whine.

Me and my friend Colt were talking about women yesterday. "They're just so confusing!" he says. But I think it's something else. It can't all be the "womens" that have mental problems. I think it's just us (as in Colt and me). We can't open up to our true feelings when were around girls. We hide behind a mask of weirdness that takes away the confrontation. Girls take that like, "Umm..ok? Whatever." But we're (Colt and I) are like, "No! That's not what I mean! Look at the real me!! Look at the real me!". I think that's why girls get turned off by me when they start getting to know me. Seriously. The repulsitivity starts when I start talking. When I start acting "fake". When I can't just relax and be myself. I don't mean to do it. It just happens. I'm afraid to let them see "me". I want them to get into me, but at the same time I don't. I guess I give off that "neutral" feeling when I'm trying to give off that "Hey! I like you too!" feeling. I give...

1/16 (1:07 P.M.) - Yesterday I went bed at 10:00 P.M. and I woke up at 6:00 A.M. How crazy is that?

Saw Jamy at Friar's yesterday. It was crazy. I was about to leave and I turned around and saw her. I was surprised. It was pretty sparse after that conversational-wise. I said hi, she said hi. When I left I said bye and she smiled and said bye. That smile...

Damn honeybuns. When I eat 2 of them, I still feel hungry, but if I eat a 3rd one, I feel like I'm going to explode. It's not fair.

1/15 (12:41 A.M) - The computer at my dad's house ain't right. It it always freezes at the "Windows Me" screen. So now here I am, at my mom's, on her slow fifedy six kilogram modem. I don't know what to do.

1/14 (3:29 A.M) - Damn manager making me work overtime. Damn him to hell! Missed skating. Damneth to helleth.

(12:06 P.M. WTF?) - I had the strangest dream this morning. I was walking my dog down this big long street. It was like a back street or something. I went through alleys and main streets and stuff. And when we got to the end of the big street, there was this big empty grass field with a little bike route in it. It wasn't a long bike path. It started from one side of the field and curved to another side of the field. I know that doesn't explain it very well. Well anyways, my dog and I walk to the end of the short bike trail and we saw a pack of deer. My dog started running after them, when I noticed that we were surrounded by deer. But my dog didn't seem to notice though. She ran after that one pack of deer and they ran away. The other deer didn't seem to notice us. They were just eating grass and stuff. After we walked around for a bit, my dog and I started heading back on the trail and at the half way point, my friends, JackieG and Ebony, appeared from out of no where. They were walking on the path topless with their shirts tied around their necks. But I didn't mind at all! I wasn't gawking at them or nothing. It was just like every other encounter with them, except that their boobies were showing. We started walking together down the path. The path seemed longer than it was when I had first entered the field. After a while we sat down on a bench on the path, which also wasn't there when I first entered the field. Then JackieG pulled out a laptop (from somewhere?) and started doing stuff. And my dog chased after some more deer in the distance. Then I woke up. Stangely erotic, but totally casual at the same time. Hmph.

1/11 (1:19 A.M.) - O.K. I've calmed down a bit. I'm just fine. Horrible day at Friar's. Just horrible. I just want to forget it ever happened......just horrible.

What else.....hmmm.......iunno.

You're a superstar and you know it!

(3:10 A.M.) - Damn Mike Z combos. Totally impossible.

1/09 (1:31 A.M.) - I tried. I really really tried going to sleep. But it wasn't happening. I'm so used to being up this late. And that's just great.

Plutonic Love: a close relationship between two persons in which 
sexual desire is nonexistent or has been suppressed or sublimated.

To all of my male readers (with the exception of KC), do yourself a favor and visit "I Just Want to be Friends". I think the title speaks for itself. I almost passed this page up, but a little curiosity paid off! This site is so accurate in describing akward plutonic relationships, it's scary. Seeing as I got nutin but plutonic relations goin on right now, you can understand where I'm coming from. Here's a little excerpt.

What does "I just want to be friends mean?"
It means; "I don't just want you to mourn the loss; 
I want to remind you of it every day. 
I want you to suffer. I want you to envy. 
I want you to die slowly, a bit at a time. 
And I want you to smile and thank me for it." 

Some deep shtick man.

1/08 (2:57 A.M.) - Damnit. I'm not supposed to be up this late. I got friggin' school tomorrow! My dad is gonna freak if he catches on the computer this late. Freak!

Went skating with my band friends the other day. It was kinda fun actually, besides the fact that haven't skated in about 7 years. There were alot of teens there. Too many teens. I wasn't used to being around so frikin' many. All adolescent teens skating around acting.....teeny. They had a couple of games there, but they were all old and decrepit. And my friend, Nicole, kept beating me in Virtual On. Were does she get all her friggin' firepower!? I couldn't do anything! Damn joysticks. Me and friend Josh were the non-skater's of the group and stood around mostly. I skated very little. I was too afraid of falling. I remember when I was a kid and I used to zooom past everybody. Grinding to the music. Now I'm too nervous to even stay on the floor for more than 1 trip around it. Where did my skating skills go? We sat down at a table and a girl at another table started yelling at me. "My friend likes you! She likes your hair! She's shy though! You should ask her to skate with you! She's in the line over there!". How very akward. Specially for me. I always get flabbergastrous when that happens. That same thing happened to me when I went to the Hollwood Park employee party. Except they were yelling from the top of the stairs. "My friend likes you!". This has happened many times before at other social hauntings. Ugh. And I hate it when it happens! I don't know if they are playing around or telling the truth. So I just ignore them, looking dumfoundedily. And if their accusations are true, I probably look like a big jerk for doing so. I can't win. Not by these rules anyway. All in all it was a fun night. And it tripped me out seeing Bridgette's dad bopping his head to some rap/ghetto booty music in the car. Crazy stuff!

Right now it's is way too late too start even thinking about getting a full night's sleep. I am seriously worried about school yall. My grades are in the toilet. Even if I somehow managed to pass English, I still don't think I would have enough credits. This sucks too much.

Good ol' cousin Casey came over Saturday to install one of dem here fancy pants 3d acceleratin' cards. I finally get to play the demo for "Escape from Monkey Island" and "Shadow Company"!. We went to Friar's after that. Showed him what the Grid was all about. I was surprised on how fast he picked up the controls. Still not as good as me though. He could get the kills, but the cha chingy. Don't worry bud! I'll raise your stats! KMFDM right? You'll be the champ!

I don't think Jamy and "Derek" see each other anymo. He's always up at Friar's and she aint no mo. He told me today that Jamy says hi cause she's knows I'm up here all the time. And I told him to tell her I said hi, but he said that he doesn't talk to her anymo. HMMMMMMM.........Either she has moved away or somethin else. I went up to her job today, but alas, she wasn't workin'. I heard she was working Saturday, but I was way too busy to go up there (with Jackie"s Aunt's House and cousin coming over and skating fiasco). But I did see one of her guy co-workers at Best Buy. My dad was getting a DVD PLAYER!! Anyway, I wanna see her, but I'm very inconvenient.

All I got's is my friends ya'll

1/06 (9:06 A.M.) - What a crazy daisy night! Went over to JackieG's aunt's house in Hobart with Jeff and Sandman......at about 1:30 A.M! It was Sandman's idea. Had nutin else ta do. He printed out directions from Yahoo maps, and it estimated the time to get there at 38 minutes. It took us about an hour and a half cause Yahoo maps suck ass. By the time we got there everybody was almost dead. JackieG, Melissa, and some chick named Michelle was there. Didn't see much of her. We watched Stigmata, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Jeff and Sandman were being a little bit more obnoxious than usual. Weird. Maybe it's just me. Jackie warned me that everybody was drunk, but she didn't seem that drunk to me. Well it was all fun fun fun i tell ya. Started dragging towards the end. We all needs our sleeps ya know! So we left at around 7 somethin. We almost got lost again on the way home, but we figured it out and made it back safely, even though we were practically dead. But not as dead as I thought I shoulda been. I think Sandman was dead though. He was drivin' all slow. Couldn't keep up very well. All in all a fun nighty.

My cousin Casey (did I spell it right!?) is coming over today to install a video card for me. Voodoo 3. Awesome. Aftewards were going to Friar's! I finally get to show him what I'm always ranting and raving about. Gridtime baby! Then after that I'm going skating with my friend Bridgette and company. I haven't been skating in a long while (7 years or so) so wish me luck! Wow. that's alot of stuff to do for a guy who aint got no sleepin since yesterday. Stamina baby! So......very.......tired.....

1/03 (12:39 A.M.) - My dog and cat have suddenly become extremely friendly towards me. Could it be this big steaming plate of ham!? Is that all I'm worth to them!? HAM!!??

Had my first sleep over of the year yesterday. My friend got some new PS2 games and stuff. He was busy playing some crappy Dragonball RPG rom on my PC. All frikin' night. Damnation. Wish I never had to sleep.

Got all those damn poes in Zelda 64. Now missa gots 4 bottles. then I did the glitch were you can replace on item for a bottle with my Goron sword reciept. Now misa got 5 bottles! Then I finally found the frikin sinking lure at the pond! Now misa catch big fish! But I couldn't keep it. Then I turned off the game. Shadow temple too creepy. We also had the "Scary Movie" DVD with all the cut scenes and stuff. And I wrote down the lyrics to the serial killer's rap.

Gonna slash and gash!
Cut another hole in your ass!
I spilt blood on the walls,
And played tennis with your balls!
If the phone rings don't answer the call!
Gonna slit ya throat,
Fuck you like a goat,
Peel your foreskin off,
and make a winter coat!

Peace!

Funny stuff man.

(8:47 A.M.) Finally tried this Battlenet thing. It's pretty cool. Not as intimdating as I thought. But i have no idea how to do anything. People are setting up games with codes and such. It's all crazy. Played 2 games with my friend Sandman. He beat me both times. Horrible just horrible. Then I played a game with some other peoples. 3 vs 1. And the loner guy wasn't doin to bad. Had some kinda code to give you free guys and instant building power. Everybody got it! So confusing. Afterwards he wanted me to join his clan of "AG". But I declined saying I was new and I wanted to see more of this battlenet humbly jumbly. And now here I am. Those games take a very long time to finish. I started at midnight and it's now 8:50 in the frikin' morning. My dad's always yelling at me for staying up all night. Ag!

1/1/01! (12:47 A.M.) - Well, the world didn't blow up. I guess that's good.

Got me some non-alcoholic, %100 grape juice wine, a pot full of chicken soupy, some poppy seed bread, and some cookies hyea. Gonna have a good time na, doo doo deeo, all by myself, doo doo deeo, don't need no one, doo doo deeo, cause I'm by myself, doo doo deeo da da da daaa! Ha. I'm such an nerd.

(6:42 A.M) -

huh?

12/31 (5:59 A.M.) - I was supposed to beat the Shadow Temple tonight, but I instead read the archives of www.livingingreytown.com. It's a cool little online comic. Doesn't make much sense if you don't know some of the backstory. Then again that's how everything is. Thin H Line is another good comic. Both are X rated. Just the way I likes it.

12/30 (3:30 A.M.) - I've spending the last couple of nights playing Zelda 64 (Technical difficulties prevented me from accessing online socialocities). That game is so frikin' awesome. Better than that stupid Majora's Mask crap. You can't put a frikin' time limit on a quest! That's what I hated about Spiderman for Genesis. Even though you had more than enough time to beat the game, that clock was always there...tick.....tock....tick......tock......

Right now I am looking at this site. It is extremely messed up. It's basically a hyped up forum where people describe how f***** their lives are. And let me tell you, looking at this site has made me realize that there are worse things than not having a girlfriend or having bad grades (although it can be the start of a new, worse problem). If I were the praying type, I would pray for these peoples.

Haven't seen Jamy in a while. I always see "evil Derek" up at Friar's, but not her. I should stop by her job or somethin'.

12/27 (3:38 A.M.) - I know frequency is spelled wrong. Get off my case already! Sheesh!

12/26 (2:00 A.M.) - I am very hungry right now. And I have alot of things here to eat to satisfy my hunger. But I can not touch nye one of em. Cause I can't eat 12 hours before "the operation". Sux. Hunnnger. Need...substinance.......

(7:36 P.M.) Well it's done. I weigh 6 teeth less. It wasn't as bad as I thought It was going to be though. I was imagining me waking up in the middle of the procedure and seeing a fountain of blood rising from my mouth with the dentist and asiistants playing in it with their swimming suits and me strapped down and in extreme pain. But it was nothing like that. They puy an I.V. in me and I konked out instantly. I didn't realize how fast I would react to it. But as soon as they stuck the needle and turned on the juice, I was out. And I remember is waking up on my bed dripping spit and blood, In extreme pain for a whiles. Then I got some painkillers........and now everythangs awite..he he.

Just got off the phone with Jacqui. She wanted me to come over, but me pops wouldn't let me cause I'm hooped up goofballs. Ah well, woulda been nice. Maybe tomowoo.

12/25 (6:18 A.M.) - Well it's Christmas. That special time of year when ya give give give till it hurts. I've spent ofer $90 on gifts this year. That's probably more money spent over the last Christmas's combined. Insane. I've been practicing some new guitar licks. I finished JackieG's CD and put it in her mailbox, and I got a whole bunch of stuff from my mom's side. Nothing that I really wanted but who's picky. I didn't make a list this year anyway. Everything I want is way too expensive for a Christmas present. Right now I'm trying to decide if I should go to sleep or not. I'm just gonna have to wake up in 3 hours or so. So it's probably not worth it. Today I'm going to my dad's side of the family for Christmas day. More goodies. Merry Christmassing everyone!

12/23 (5:17 P.M.) - The song being played (or should be playing) is cool. It creates a creepy atmosphere. I learned it on my guitar a whiles ago. All by ear no less. It's cool, but when I play it in front of people, I ask them do they know what this song from, and they always say no. And when I tell them that it's from FF7, they're all like,"Oh yeah! I remember that part!" The fools....

My co-workers surprised me with a new jacket today. They said that I never wear jackets to work, so they bought me one. Isn't that sweet? They even got a card for me too. It read, "Every group needs it's goofball....We're glad we got you." I was really touched. Now I have to wear that jacket to work all the time. I love work. Better than everything else.

So yesterday I went to Friar's and one of my associates up there asked me if I could go to Target and get a game for his little brother. He said he was too drunk to drive anywhere, so I happily obliged. I went to Target, but they didn't have it. So I went to the nearby Circuit City. They didn't have it either. So I returned empty-handed. But the thing is that when I went to both stores, people kept coming to me asking if I knew where a specific game was, as if I worked there or somethin. This happened at Target AND Ciruit City. And I helped them of course, but it's just weird to me how everyone thinks I work in retail or something. That's what happened to me on Thursday too when I went Christmas shopping. I had at least 2 people in every store that I went to come up to me and ask where something was. What's up widat!? Ugh. I should work everywhere.

12/21 (1:50 A.M.) - Video Game madness! That's all I can say. Just madness. Today after school was our first annual Techie Tournament. It's basically a double-elimination video game tournament for Tech club. We had a 64, Playstations 1 and 2, SNES and Genesis, plus a whole crap-load of games to choose from. First place got a $50 gift certificate to Best Buy, second place got a $30 gift certificate and third got a $15 one. I ended up coming in second place ONLY due to the fact that the last game that I had to play was Madden2001 for Playstation2. I hate football games. I played against my friend, Sandman, and he beat my ass. But his team was super-charged or something! He would make all these one handed catches, and I would be lucky enough to actually hold on to the ball! There was one point in the game where he bowled through 5 of my guys and scored a touchdown. And if I even came close to one of his guys I would be down. And I finally forfeited the match after I witnessed 2 of my guys fumble the ball in the end zone. One looked like he caught it, but the ball slipped into the other guys hand, but he slipped too. I just couldn't take it anymore. And it's funny too because the first match I played in the tournament was against him in Pigskin Foot brawl for Genesis and I whooped him! Just different physics I guess. So now I gots $30 for Best Buy. I'm thinking about getting Warcraft II.

After that farce tournament, I drove all the way down to the Hollywood Park in Crestwood for a company party. I was really late due to the techie tournament and arrived while they were giving out awards. But it was still cool. They didn't even turn on the games yet. After they were done giving out awards, they let us loose into the arcade. I was disappointed that they didn't have the Grid, but who's whining? Not me! Most of the players there were weak though. I expected better from fellow Hollywood Park employees. The only guys that even came close to my level of expertise were two teens that played Marvel Vs. Capcom 2. But they still weren't a challenge. And they kept bitchin' and griping that I kept winning and stuff. One of them told me that I had no strategy. I have no strategy!? Fool!!! I am strategy incarnate! He said that I was too quick and I never give him the chance to attack. Yeah. Like I'm gonna stand straight and tall waiting for him to attack so I can counter-strike? Hell no. If he were a good player, he would be able to counter attack against me! My Friar's friends do that to me all the time. And I'm always always always learning how to get better and better and better. So those 2 can suck it long and suck it hard. There was a DJ there to "get the party started right!", but he was playing the same ol' bullcrap that every other DJ plays. Ghetto booty music. Of course. Everybody likes that, right? I ended up leaving at around 12:30 A.M. It took me a while to realize that the only people left in the whole arcade were a couple of managers and me. On the way home I got lost (again) and I ended up taking Sibley all the way down to Cal City from 167th St. For those of you who have no idea where these streets are located, lets just say I took the really really really long way home. I finally got home around 1:30 A.M. Damn me and my not-knowing-where-I'm-going-self.

12/19 (1:10 A.M.) -

Damn damn damn. Always the same story. Lazy lazy lazy. I haven't had a case of Mountain Dew in so long.....

Let's see. What's there to talk about...? I finally met Jamy at her work, Sam Goody, 2 Tuesdays ago. She looks even better when not in a dimly lit arcade with nothing to brighten up the place but the game screens. We were talking for a while. One of her guy co-workers asked me if I played the guitar cause I was reading a book of tablature. He is trying to get a band together or something. I tell ya. People and there "bands" these days. Has anyone ever heard of going solo? Anyways, him and me got along great. After about a half an hour or so in that store, some of the customers actually came up to ask me where stuff was. Of course I was happy to oblige. Jamy and that other dude (can't remember his name (let alone anything else when I'm around "her")) thought it was hilarious. The dude then told me that I should fill out an application cause I would be "perfect" for the job. So I filled out an application right then and there. It took me a couple of tries cause I kept writing my address in the wrong box. I'm so used to filling out college application sheets and contest shtick, and the application for Sam Goody had totally different format. I kept making the same mistake over and over and over again. After about the 6th or 7th try, Jamy came over and helped me. We filled out the form very slowly and thoughtfully (he he he. I could think of a few more things we could be doing slowly and thoughtfully...). After filling out the form, A few more people came up to me for help, but I just fessed up to not being a worker. No more lies! Before I left, she told me she was going to go up to Hollywood Park on Saturday night, but she never did. I did get off early that day though. But it was still kinda late. Ah well.

Last Tuesday was a snow day. Lots and lots o' snow for all. A couple of my band friends and I went to the mall for the day. I spent most of my time in Walden Books looking at computer programming books. Looks complicated. Lots of languages to learn. I stopped by Sam Goody every now and then to see if Jamy was working. But she was not apparently. Working that day. What else.... A fight broke out between a couple of hoodlums and mall security. Lot's of yelling and screaming. I took advantage of the distraction and bought me some cinnabons while the line was low. I also got a cool new mouse pad with a jelly wrist-rest from Spencer's. I swear, every time I go into that store they got something new. I would love working there. Yeah. Fun.

So my mom's work has a Christmas party every year at the Hyatt Hotel in Chicago, and this year my mom asked me to set up a video game section for the kiddies. We rented a 64 and a Playstation 2 from Blockbuster plus a crapload of games for the event. Unfortunately there were no good PS2 games to rent from so the main attraction was the 64. I am Nintendo's whore. My mom told me there were going to be a whole bunch of kids my age there, but there were only like 2 out of the 30 or somethin kids that seemed as old as me. So instead of some fierce competition that I was expecting, I got a lot of whiney voices. "Can I play!? It's my turn! Wuaaaa! My eyes are bleeding!". Bunch of whiney kids. But I did get a $20 dollar coin for Coconuts and a lot of free food, so I'm not complaining too much.

In crappy school news, my grades have taken a turn for the worse. I have not handed in one assignment for Journalism, and I think I may need to take English over the summer to graduate on time if I don't ace this final. I have an 8% in Pre-Calculus. I didn't even make double digits. How sad is that? And Socialism is just fucking weird. I mean I really like Socialism class. I learn a lot about myself and others and why they do what they do, but I'm failing it. I try learn everything, that is taught, but I can't seem to get any homework in. And Physics class is nothing but a joke to me now. And it's funny cause I was bitching and complaining to get it last year when all my friends had it. And now I have it, but I'm failing miserably. I don't know what to do anymore. My dad had a little pep talk with me about this and told me that I was "burnt out " from school. He told me that since I was 3 months years old, I have been some form of school, whether it be a day camp, Catholic school, summer camp, etc. I'm just tired of going to this structured facility where everything is supposed to fall into place and prepare me for the real world. I don't care anymore. I think if I escaped to college earlier, I would do better. But I'm probably gonna get a lot o' feedback saying otherwise, so I'll just leave that alone. School sucks. Plain and simple. And people are gonna tell ya that you're going to have to suck it up and pull yourself through it, but telling me that over and over and over again doesn't help my attitude at all.

Well I hope you guys are happy. I finally frikin' updated. I could have played Zelda, but I forced myself to update. My friend, Bridget, requested that I update. She's going through some weird times as well so anything to help I guess. I really didn't feel like writing some of it may seem kinda forced. But hey whatever works. I think I had one more thing to talk about, but I can't remember it right now. I got plenty of stuff as it is anyways. I am extremely thirsty right now.

12/5(11:09 P.M.) - Hmmm. Seems the GIESTBOOK is taking a little vacation in the Bahamas. I hope it comes back soon. So many interesting coments to be caught up on.

So I went to Sam Goody today to see if Jamy was working. She wasn't, but I did find a guitar book with a whole bunch of cool christmas songs in it. I'll buy it when she's there.

I had something else to talk about. It was about my future and what I plan to do about it. But it just gets me depressed thinking about it, so I'm going to bed.

12/4 (1:58 A.M.) - Man! I didn't want to stay up this late. But my friend, Sandman gave me a Sexkey password and porn porn porn porn porn galore!! I'm such a perv.

So I saw Jamy (that is her correct name) at Friar's on Friday. Same routine as last time, only this time I overcame my shyness and actually started up a conversation! She asked why I'm at Friar's all of the time. I simply told her, "It's fun! And I like coming here to get away from my home life and play video games against "real" competition."
"I bet you come up here everyday, don't you?" she said.
"Well I came up here everyday "this" week", I said. Even though the only reason I went up there everyday was to see if she was there.
And then the next words out of her mouth, swear to God, were, "You need a girlfriend!". I thought this might be my lucky day!
I asked her, "So why do you come here when you obviously don't like video games?"
"Oh. I only come up here to watch him (the guy she came with last week whose name is, get this......Derek. Coincidence? Probably)".
So I dumbly asked, "Oh. Is he your BOYFRIEND or something?"
"..............yyyyeah, I guess", She responded (please note that the dots represent approximately 10 seconds of dead air between me asking the question and her answering it). So that was a bummer..............kinda (I was in the race, but I was looking at someone else’s car. That's not a good analogy, but it works for me.) Ah well. She did challenge me in a game of Sanfrancisco Rush 2000. So.........yeah.

Yesterday was my Grandma's birthday. I drove to her house and greeted all of my other family members, including my mom. But it was nice though. We ordered Popeye's chicken, and I took 3 drumsticks, but only ate one. Those things are too damn greasy. After that we started joking around and stuff. I was surprised that nobody wanted to give me a pep talk about my grades or school in general or somethin'. No negativity on a b-day I guess. I had work at 5 that day. It kinda sucked because all of the customers were way too serious and intense and I couldn't poke fun at them, like I usually do, without getting a dirty look. It was also a bad day cause the nacho cheese on my nachos caused mild stomach problems. Let's just say nobody wanted to use the bathroom until tomorrow's clean up crew arrived. He he. Afterwards I went to Friar's, but no Jamy. "Derek" was up there though. I overheard him talking to some guy about Jamy, and I now know that she works at Sam Goody! Oh boy! A clue! But I also overheard that she has no phone, so no means of communication there. So anyways I was up there, and it was almost closing time, 1:00 A.M. But there were so many guys on Marvel Vs. Capcom 2, and I only got one chance to play. And I lost the match I did play cause my hands were too cold and I couldn't dash right. So I hear the guy over the P.A. saying, "Friar Tuck's is about to close in 5 minutes!" But there were at least 5 people waiting to play before me. And there were a whole bunch of people at the other games. So I convinced one of the attendants to call the owner and request to stay open for another half-hour or so. The owner said yes! Woo! But I got my ass kicked again. My hands were still too cold. Even after waiting for my turn. And the guy that was winning was....."Derek". Crazy stuff. I'm usually on the ass-kicking side against him, but my skinny, frail fingers refused to get lukewarm. Is it lack of blood!? Cause I can always get more blood!

So I went to Friar's today and guess what.... I got caught! My dad finally caught me up at Friar's after he forbid me to enter it's holy gated. How funny is that!? I didn't get into too much trouble though. I only got yelled at. So I'll probably sneak up there next weekend. I was going to leave Friar's early today anyways! I was dead tired for some reason. I woke up at noon and did basically nothing. I dropped my sister off at the mall, and then went up to Sam Goody to see if you-know-who was working. Unfortunately she wasn't, but surprisingly a girl that I know from my CAD class worked up there. She drives to the tech center, like me, but unlike me, she has permission to do so because she works during the day and gets to leave school early. I shoulda signed up for that deal. Afterwards I dropped another "friend" getting off of work at his house. I use quotation marks because this is the same "friend" that borrowed my Zelda 64 about 2 years ago and still hasn't returned it. I knew he wasn't going to give it back when I got to his house, but I gave him a ride anyways. I'm just that kinda guy. Afterwards I then went to Friar's and got really tired. I was so tired I took a nap on the table in the back area. Speaking of tired, I'm a little bit of that right now............

11/30 (3:13 A.M.) - I'm trying to stay up for at least 2 days in a row to compete with my friend, Bridgette. So far so good. I only have about 5 more hours until I have to leave for school.

I went to the dentist's office today. I had to pick up my brand spanking new retainer. I lost it a long time ago and now my dentist says my teeth are moving again. So I have to wear them, only have at night though. They kinda hurt, but that's what's to be expected. Since we're still onthe subject of my teaath, I would just like to make notice that my 6 newly formed wisdom teeth are starting to take shape. It's feels kinda weird having teeth all the way back there. And the best part is I get to have each one of my 6 wisdom teet pulled put. I've already had 4 teeth pulled out to make room for braces, and now I'm gonna have six less? Where do these 10 teeth find room in other people's mouths? I guess I have big assed teeth or something.

b>11/29 (1:31 A.M.) - I've been getting back into "Insane Clown Posse" lately. They seem funnier than before for some reason. But I bet that's just from not listening to them in a while. that's how everything is with me. I'll think something is cool or funny, then I'll get bored of it or find something new, and then later I'll realize how cool that previous thing was! Fickle me.

I really need to stop staying up so late. I was late for school again today. I had overslept.....typical. I was panicking for a way to get around punishment (Saturday!), so I wrote a note saying that my dad accidentally took my cars keys with him to work and forged his signature on it. I've done stuff like this before with permission slips and stuff, but today it just didn't seem right. My Dad AND my mom gave me a wake up call at 7:30 A.M. But despite their plees to get me out o' de bed, I still went right back to sleep. And I woke up at 8:40 A.M. I couldn't really blame anyone but myself. So when I got to school, 7 minutes before the end of 1st period, I threw the note away. I was going to accept the consequences of my own actions. But during Pre-Cal, I started thinking of actually going to another long, painful Saturday. Luckily my good friend, SANDMAN!, offered to call me off (Actually I asked him too...hee heee). His voice is very deep and you would not be able to tell that he AINT no adult over the phone. And he's done this many times before so everything is gravy. What a pal. We were supposed to call today, but I didn't have the phone #. And neither did he. So hopefully we'll be able to do it tomorrow, if I can find that #. But we have to do it!

11/27 (2:45 A.M.) - I've been reading some info on the RM1X Workstation. Looks pretty cool. I think this is going to make it to my Christmas list.

I was supposed to call JackieG today, but my mom forced me to participate in a surprise visit to my grandpa's house, the one recovering from a stroke, but he wasn't even home! I ended up watching the last quarter of the Bear's game with my great-grandma's boyfriend. Don't ask. Please don't ask. And when I tried to call JackieG afterwards, I just kept getting "This-line-is-temporoarily-disconnected" messages. Dang foo!

So I was at Friar's today, like normal, and I saw this GEORGOUS girl up there. I had saw her up there yesterday as well. Her name is Jamy, or Jamian, or something that starts with a "J". It was loud, and I couldn't really hear what she was saying. Anyways, during my time up at Friar's, I had noticed that "Jamy" was always sorta-kinda looking in my direction. Wether I was playing a game, watching somebody else play a game, or just walking around figuring out what I was going to do next, her face was alway pointed in my general direction. Yesterday she was with some guy that works at Footlocker and comes up to Friar's every once in a while. She was hanging out with him mostly, but would still be peeking over at me. When she came up there today, me and her locked eyes and I managed to get out a "h...h...hey". She said "hey" back (remembering me from yesterday), and sat next to me while I played Marvel vs. Capcom 2. She asked me, "Has Derek come up here yet?" Befunkled me responded, "Umm. I'm Derek!" Then she started tolaugh. When the guy she was with yesterday came, I asked, "Is his name Derek too?" She said, "Oh. Ha ha. No it's not". Curiouser. I started walking towards the front of the arcade when I heard, "You're leaving already Derek!?" Sure enough it was her. I responded, "Naw. I'm just looking around for stuff". Curiouser. And later, when I started playing the Grid, she stood besides me to watch me play, without her guyfriend (Sidenote: I had just whooped him in couple of Grid matches severely). Curioser. And when she finally left, she said "Cya later Derek!". I yelled, "Cya later Jamywhatchamafoo" (I didn't say that, but I really wanted too). Hmm. All this from 2 days acquaintanance. Now I know I get paranoid very easily over silly stuff like this, so I won't make any conclusions. But this girl was B-E-A-UTIFUL! Even my 12-year-old Grid affiliate (the fat kid that I had complained about in a previous entry) thought so! (sigh) What could be.....will never be.

11/26 (1:44 A.M.) - Man. I slept ALL DAY yesterday! I went to bed at 3:20 A. M. and I didn't get out of bed untill 5:20 P.M. My dog was right next to me in bed the whole day too. I love my dog. No matter how much I ignore her when she wants to walk, or leave her at home when she could be coming with me or something like that, she's always extremely happy to see me when I get home. Dogs get a bad rep

So I went to Friar's today, but I got up there really late so all the regulars were gone. Including this one girl that I have known for a while, but only got really acquainted with yesterday. Amy....Um.. so anyways, there was this little kid up there who was only like 5, 6 years old and he kept played "The Grid" against me. Over and over and over again. And I kept winning and winning. I must've racked over $100,000 just playing against him. He was moaning and crying everytime I would kill him. "Wait! I don't have a weapon! I can't see you! Waaaaah!". I tried to explain to him what to do and I even let him get a couple of free kills. But he just wouldn't listen. During the last couple of rounds, he really started to cry and could barely pay attention to the game. But I just kept on killing and killing, watching him struggle wipe his face. It was kinda funny. I told him to play another game, but he kept a'comin. "I want you to play with me." Aww. That filled my heart. But I still kept whoopin him. More fiercly than I was before he poured his heart out to me. Damned kids. Don't they ever learn?

11/24 (2:04 A.M.) - Thanksgiving. 4 syllable compound word. And everybody has the day off. How fun. I went to my Aunt's. It was o.k. fun. Everybody likes Mario Party. Nobody likes Smash Brothers. Not alot o' fun. Mario Party leaves way too many factors to chance. Not skill. Why can't they see that!? The fools. Who are all these people? They must be from the "man's" side. They kinda look familiar. Cept Sabrina. Man she has changed, but not really. I think I saw grandma coughing up some blood. Very un-fun.

My heart is aching right now and I'm not exactly sure why? I've been watching this "Undressed" marathon. These teens are some horny bizzatches. But it seems like they whore themselves. That's just sad to me. Iunno. Life can't be like this! This is worse than violent T.V.

11/23 (12:25 A.M.) - Just came back from Friar's. I was kinda bored up there today. Maybe it's just not having the same effect as it used to.

I got some new glasses today. But I'm gonna stick with my old ones for a little bit longer. The new pair makes everything look all wall-eyedish, like when you look through the peep whole of a door. I almost stumbled into busy traffic because of this. So I'll practice wearing them later.

Oh yeah. Today is Thanksgiving. Lot's of food for all. I'm going to my aunt Suzie's house for the magnificent feast. My sister is in Detroit with my mom so she won't be able to attend. Boo hoo. Me and my cousins are planning to have an all out battle royale on the 64. Nintendo that is. Then Friday I have to work in the morning. Then I get Saturday and Sunday off! Woo! But I wonder why I'm not scheduled for those days. I don't remember requesting those days off. Guess I'm just a lucky stiff. stiffff.

11/21 (10:01 P.M.) – Now I know I haven’t been updating a lot lately, and it’s not because I’ve been busy or haven’t felt like it. Far from it! The only reason you have not been informed of my daily adventures is because Angelfire has trouble logging me on late at night for some reason. So now I have to write my stuff and then log in and paste it. Usually I just write it into the web shell, but that seems nearly impossible now. I’ll be lucky if can log in at all until tomorrow. Speaking of tomorrow, it is an early dismissal and then Thanksgivin’ vacationinin’! Woopie doos!

And Since I’ve been gone so long, I have a little treat for you guys. Well, some of you may not consider it a treat, but I showed it to some people in my 7th hour class and they said, “Man dude! You should write about you’re day more often so we have something to read in this class!” Yeah. So if ya haven’t guessed it yet, the treat is nothing but a full description on what I’m doing and thinking from class to class. This happened some time last week. I forget which day. I think it ends in a “y”. So for all of you that care (you know who you is), enjoy.

(12:47 A.M) – I know it’s the 22 but I haven’t fallen asleep yet so it doesn’t count. Today after school was a speech meet where speech clubs from every school within city limits come to our school to compete. There were A LOT of people there. You’d think school was in session or something. There were a lot of people giving me dirty looks and a lot of people giving me “What-the-hell-are-you-supposed-to-be!?” looks. I was just trying to be friendly. There were a whole bunch of nice-looking girls there as well. None to give me the time of day though (not that I need it with my built in natural clock), but nice looking never the less. During dinner, somebody almost choked to death on some food. I don’t know the details, but it sounded pretty serious. That cafeteria smelled like an armpit from hell! I probably would’ve choked down there too.

This isn’t a bad way to update I guess. Easier to spelchek.

11/13 (10:45 P.M.) - What the heck is going on!? Is today an off-day for everyone or something? None of my favorite sites have updated, I haven't heard any responses from the numerous e-mails I've sent, none of my regular friends are online, and I can't tune my damn guitar right! Ack.

So I went to Disney Quest on Saturday. It was fun of course. They didn't have "The Grid", but I managed without it. The Disney Quest in Florida has some subtile differences between the one in Chicago. In Chicago they use cards while in Florida, all you have to do is press a button. No big deal exept that it's hard to get you're card out when you're in a rush to continue. They also didn't have a bar that served spaghetti. I was forced to order a Chicken Poonani Sandwich. It had some kinda slimy organism on it that almost made me throw up over the ledge and onto the 5 floors of family fun. We played all these virtual reality games and stuff. Lot's o' fun. Too bad I was the only high-calibur gameplayer there (maybe with the exception of my cousin Kasey, not Chris). The competion was no fun at all. Whatever man. Afterwards we went to my cousin's dorm and I dropped his black guitar. It was funny. Well, to me at least.

When I got home, I quickly hurried to the Drama cast party, er what was left of it. Almost everyone had left when I got there at 11:20 P.M. I ate some corn flakes. That was the highlight of the party for me. Well, that and dropping all of my Friar Tuck's tokens in the front lawn after jumping over a bush to eccentuate my entrance to the Parte'. Best party ever!

They finally scheduled me to work on a Monday. I've been working just weekends until today. Practically nobody was up there and I watched Cartoon Network all night. It was just me, my 2 managers, and another person in the kitchen. I now have 18:58 hours clocked in. Hoora!

I don't know what happened, but it seems October has disappeared! From my archives that is. Aw well. It might have been too disturbing for most viewers anyway.

11/8 (12:52 A.M.) - A damnit! Angelfire wouldn't let me login earlier and now I forgot what I had to say. All I remember is having a conversation with my friend, Sandman, about counfusing relationships with women. A subject me and him know all too well. We're totally alike in that we put a high price on our hearts and won't just go out with anyone. Unlike our friend, J.R., who's had like 11 girlfriends, including my sister (ewwwy), and is just a Junior. I'm sure now a days that ain't alot, but it is to me.

11/5 (3:07 A.M.) - Wow. I was in such a rush I almost forgot to update. My dad got the DSL connection up and a running! Bout' damned time!.

So I went to the see "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream coat" today at school and it was actually pretty good! I now know what the plot is. Lot's of singing, lot's of dancing, lot's of fun! But on the way home, Fatty, Kyle, this other kid and I were driving the other guy home and Matt decided to moon this green car next to us. So the green car in turn demands us to pull over. Who am I to disagree? So we pull over and this guy gets up in Matt's face and starts yelling at him and asks if he wants to fight and stuff. Fatty was scared straight. Straight out of moonville and into very-tight-beltville. I didn't get a good look at the guy, but Matt said he used to play quads for band, but got expelled. So I think I know who he's talking about. Well anyways, a big ol' fashion brawl would have ensued if Matt hadn't groveled for forgiveness. The guy just stomped away angrily. He almost got a hit off Matt through my window, but Matt's reflexes were in true form in that moment. I was pretty solemn through the whole ordeal. I didn’t really have anything to worry about since I didn't do anything. But there was this Chinese kid in the car that looked like he could deal some serious damage. So I was a little worried about that. But the only thing that got me mad was when they cut me off and forced me to pull over. Ah well. Lesson learned.

11/4 (4:54 P.M.) - Well I tried to install the new DSL modem my dad got, but I got confused. There are 2 sets of directions that are totally different from each other! One involves installing some new hardware and one involves criss-crossing some phone wires. After some criss-crossing some wires I soon realized which directions where for the DSL line. The one I wasn't doing. But I did manage to get the dial-up modem to start. Unfortunately I have to sign up for some stupid AOL free membership crap to actually go online and do stuff so all I could do was get the computer registered. I guess it could've been worse.

I talked to Jacqui today. From about midnight to just a couple minutes ago. We just went on and on about basically nothing. But it was fun. It's always fun.

I missed the play. But only cause the tech sponsor didn't want me showing up if I didn't have any specific position assigned. But then I heard from my friend, Big Mike, that he got in for free. So I don't know what's up anymore. Maybe I can "sneak" in tomorrow night or something.

And one more thing. This little, fat kid was beating me repeatedly in "The Grid" today. I got very frustrated and my game got sloppy. Damn fat kid! Once again my token supply has been shortened prematurely do to bad stress handling techniques.

11/3 (4:40 P.M.) - I have 6 (count 'em 6!) wisdom teeth coming in. And the nice dentist man says they all have to be pulled out. I've already have had 4 teeth pulled out, and it's not a very pleasant experience. Lot's of blood and light-headedness. Luckily my nice dentist man is recommending another dentist that can put me to sleep during the whole ordeal. I just hope I don't wake up in the middle of it screaming like a baby.

Drama is certainly different this year. Lot's of yelling, lot's of crying (everythang's gonna be alright!), lot's of bad attitudes, and lot's of new techies! Too many new techies. I won't be able to see the play for free this year! Usually I would be working a position or something, but I have work on some of the night shows so I can't be assigned permanently to something. And there are too many techies to just let in for free, so the only way I'm getting in is through the front door. That sucks. I'm gonna miss JackieG and Ebony and all the new freshman guys and gals that I've become acquainted with. Ugh.

10/31 (1:14 P.M.) - Damn! I totally forgot today was Halloween! I didn't do anything special for school! I was gonna have this big, black diagonal cross on my face too! Ah well I'll save it for tomorrow.

Well my parent's discovered my horrible grades. They had a talk with me (like they always do) and tried to explain the importance of school and how they were frustrated cause I won't do school work. All the same stuff. But I really need to start doing school work. For college or whatever. Really!

10/30 (3:09 A.M.) -

I think I might not be around for a while. Once my dad finds out that I'm failing 3 classes, I'm probably going to be secluded to the nether regions of my basement for the rest of my life. Ah well. But I want to do better in school, but school sucks so much! It makes it hard to do good in it. And then he's going to yell at me and punish me or whatever. Then I'm going to get more depresses and my grades are going to get even lower. It's not fair I tell ya! Well...actually I guess it is fair. Well, it's not fair that it's fair. Things better get better. I can't take anymore pressure captain!

10/27 (11:45 P.M.) - I have a whole bunch of songs to learn for Jazz band, which is cool! I had jazz practice yesterday. I was all prepared to jam and stuff, but, unfortunately, I was the only one. But we'll get better. My instructor really appreciated my hard work and congratulated me. If only all my classes involved music...

Hmmm... What else? Umm...I went to Friar's again. Really fun. I think I'm getting worse or something cause my token reservoir doesn't take as long to empty as it used too. Maybe I stay up there longer or something.

Scool is getting worse and worse everyday. All this backed up homework is really nailing my grades. Homework is so frigin useless. You learn nothing from it and the only reason you do it is to get it out of the way, not to learn anything. American's focus too much on homework. Other contries do not give nearly as much homework and their grade averages are higher than ours. Of course I could be totally off my rocker and I could be making all this stuff up, but I hate hate hate hate hate hate homework, so there.

And "big props" to whoever put that gif of kermit and the doll in the Giestbook. It made my day. keep up the "good" work.

10/26 (12:03 P.M.) - It's already the 26th. Halloween isn't too far off. But it gets lamer every year. Everyday is Halloween to me.

I talked to Jacqui last night. She actually called me!! How crazy is that? I haven't talked to her in like 2 and a half weeks, so it was nice to hear her voice again.

I need to do something

So today was Sweeties Day. A holiday I had never heard of until today. I have never seen more interracial groups at work (or anywhere for the matter) in my life. As the the son of an interracial couple, that's means alot, I guess. Sweeties are the best. I can see why Hallmark would dedicate a day to them, aside from the massive profit they recieve from cards and gifts. So who is my sweetie? I'm not sure.

(5:50 A.M.)- Damn. I've been on for a long time! But I'm getting all these cool MP3's! Who needs Cd's? I met this girl on Nabster. She is lives in Australia and likes digital hardcore like me. We were talking about bands and if we heard this or if that song is cool and stuff. She has to study for a plantology test (or something) or she's gonna fail life (or somethin). We ended up talking about bullshtick. Just blerps of words and stuff. Pretty fun. I guess she can be my sweetie.

(6:03 P.M.) - What a horrible day. I got bitten by one of those orange ladybug looking beetles that have been spreading around the neighborhood. It left a big nasty bump, but its better now. How could such a small creature criple me!?

Best Buy doesn't sell audio cassettes anymore. Everything is CD's,CD's, CD's! Now I can't make tapes for my car. And I just made a new CD with the original blip and blip Mario theme on it. Just imagine that song blasting through my speakers at a busy intersection or something. Hellya!

I wanna call Jacqui, but I don't want to be held up again waiting for her to call me back or something. I always feel like an idiot when I call her cause she's either not home, or she's doing something, or I get her mom and she's talking to someone on the phone, or i get her stepdad that hates me cause my voice is horrible and my enounciation isn't all inspiring. And if by soem twist of fate I do get to talk to her, something is always going on and she is constantly telling me to hold on for a second, or someone else is trying to call her and I end up calling back later, or we get the chance to talk and I can't think of anything to talk about, or some shit like that! Being on-line is just fine.

10/16 (11:47 A.M.) - Got even more stuff to talk about, and less time to talk about it. I'll get forget a big chink of it before I get a chance to write about it all.

10/13 (12:19 P.M.) - Right now I am looking for the lyrics's for the song "Hunter" by Bjork. It's such a cool song, but I can't understand a damn thing she's saying!

(12:31 P.M.) -

Hunter

Ooooohhh... Ooooohhh... Ooooohhh... Ooooohhh...

If travel is searching
And home has been found 

I'm not stopping

I'm going hunting 
I'm the hunter 
I'll bring back the goods
But I don't know when

I thought I could organize freedom 
How Scandinavian of me
~en-cha-le-li~ 
~en-cha-le~ 
You sussed it out, didn't you ?
yeah! 

You could smell it
So you left me on my own
To complete the mission
Now I'm leaving it all behind

I'm Going hunting
I'm the hunter, I'm the hunter
I'm going hunting
I'm the hunter Ooooohhh... I'm the hunter 
I'm the hunter Ooooohhh... I'm the hunter
I'm ... the ... hunter...
Ooooohhh... Ooooohhh... Ooooohhh... Ooooohhh...

10/12 (12:19 P.M.) - I hate school so much. Words cannot describe the depths of hatred I have towards school. I got another frikin' saturday detention for not showing up for a morning detention at 8:00 2 times. I forgot about it on the first day, and my dad didn't give me my wake up call from work on the second day. So that makes 4 Saturday detentions for the first 6 weeks of school. And it's funny. My freshman and sophmore year, did not get one Saturday. Then I got one my junior year. And now I have four Saturday detentions on my record. More than half of my Saturdays have had to be spent in school for the past month and a half. And three of those saturdays were issued by the same bastard teacher. Ugh.

So me and Jacqui never did go out. She was supposed to call me after she ate and showered, but she never did. I called her the next morning, but her mom said she was asleep. Ah well. Would of been nice to see her again. But nothing in my life seems to be going "well" right now so....whatever man.

My cousins wedding is coming up this weekend. I'm supposed to pick up my suit from the mall today. And tomorrow I'm supposed to drive to the church for wedding rehersal. And we all know how good with directions I am.

I went to Friar's yesterday and I was kicking ass! I found out how to play on the Grid level in "The Grid", '930', and I was doing really well on "Marvel vs. Capcom 2". There were 2 guys up there that were really good and beat me most most of the time on other occasions, but yesterday I was on fire! I should move to Friar's and live in teh splender that is Friar Tuck's arcade. When I'm feeling blue, that's the place to go. That's why I'm up there all the damn time.

10/11 (1:10 A.M.) - Hey yall. Gots lots of stuff to talk about, but unfortunately I am stricken for time at the moment. I hope I remember most of it when I get a chance to chill.

10/8 (4:04 A.M.) - I have been outside in the cold cold environment at night for the past two days. Friday, I had to be in the band for a stupid football game that we lost. Saturday, boss asked me to work overtime on the Go-kart track. Got 11 hours straight of hardcore speed racing. Splendid.

Supposed to go over Jacqui's house today, but I dunno. We never seem to get our plans to "hang" with each other off the ground. We talk about it and set aside days for it, but we never get around to doing it. Some kinda curse or something

If ya like RPG's go ta Role Player's Realm. I just found out that a good friend of mine is the moderator of that club. Spread the love.

10/4 (12:25 P.M.) - Here's a picture of me with a cool design I drew on my face with a permanent marker.

10/2 (3:02 A.M.) - Just got back from Illiana park (not Friar's). I had a jam session with me and my acoustic on a big empty field. What fun it is.

So anyways, I went to my school's homecoming dance on Saturday. I was an hour and a half late cause I went to Friar's with four tokens and stayed up there for about 2 hours (I wish every visit was like that). Most of my friends where there. I got to dance with JackieG and this other girl named Dale AT THE SAME DAMN TIME!! Oh yeah. Pimp daddy in the facility. I didn't get to dance with my good friend, Charity, though cause those two girls ram-sacked me before I could get the chance to make my move, and she had to leave early. Damndity. Afterwards, Colt, JAckieG, Ebony, Ryan head (some guy), Josh Shean (old buddy in my CAD class), Melissa (some gal), this other guy that sits next to me in Physics, and I went out to eat. First we went to Chili's, but it was too full. I was joking around with this girl sitting on a bench. Her boyfriend was right there and somehow the topic of having hot naked sex in my convertible popped up and he gave me a very dirty look. After that whole ordeal, we left Chili's and went to Applebee's. It wasn't as crowded so we got two tables. Colt and I had a booth to ourselves. I felt sorta left out, but not really. Colt said our that waitress "wants me" because she was joking around with me and she sat down and talked to me for a bit. I told Colt, "You think every frikin' girl that gives me the time of day "wants me" and you're never right! Besides, It's her job to be superfriendly. And she looks kinda old for me anyways." Then Colt said, "You mean more "experienced" than you." I laughed. I also ordered a Philly Beef sandwich with just beef and bread with a side of frenchified fries. I was kinda bored cause I don't really like eating out and I dodn't really have anybody to talk to besides Colt, but he was starved for affection from the other table so I couldn't really have a decent conversation with him. So I snuck into the bar and sat at a table. But I was kicked out before I could do anything more meschevious. We all left around 12:15 P.M. I dropped Colt off at his house and headed to my own home. My dad growled at me for not checking in. That's teenagers these days for ya. No respect.

(3:48 A.M.) - Today was my first day of Arcade attending. It's not as stressful as I thought it would be. But It wasn't really busy , so I can't complain. And I think I look better in a dimly lit environment than outside with all those lights. That's just my opinion though. Maybe I look a phantom or something in the dark.