1.Weigh yourself with clothes on, after dinner... as well as in the morning,
without clothes, before breakfast, because it's nice to see how much
weight you've lost overnight.
2.Never weigh yourself with wet hair.
When weighing, remove everything, including glasses. In this case, blurred
vision is an asset. Don't forget the earrings, these things can weigh at
least a pound.
3.Use cheap scales only, never the medical kind, because they are always five
pounds off...to your advantage.
4.Always use the toilet first.
5.Stand with arms raised, making pressure on the scale lighter.
6.Don't eat or drink in the morning until AFTER you've weighed in, completely
naked, of course.
7.Weigh yourself after a haircut, this is good for at least half a pound of
8.Exhale with all your might BEFORE stepping onto the scale (air has to weigh
9.Start out with just one foot on the scale, then holding onto the towel rack
in front of you, slowly edge your other foot on and slowly let off of the
rack. Admittedly, this takes time, but it's worth it. You will weigh at
least two pounds less than if you'd stepped on normally.
And now for something 'REALLY SERIOUS'
I don't like the idea that people can call you in your car. I think
there's news you shouldn't get at sixty miles per hour. "Pregnant?
Whooah!" But if we're gonna have car phones I think we should have car
answering machines. "Tom's at home right now. But as soon as he goes
out, he'll get back to you."