Theoretically, marriage sounds like an ideal
situation. Its roots are embedded into the norms of society and history, dating
back to thousands of years ago.
Most of us do eventually get married, and for
those of us who don't, we are looked upon skeptically to say the least.
I have been married twice, my first marriage
lasted 24 years, and I can honestly say, I was dissatisfied for most of that
period. But I stayed.
Although I learned and experienced a lot of
things that most people normally would not even dream of, I traveled the world;
I lived in many countries. Learned to speak many languages, but deep within me
I was totally dissatisfied with my partner in every conceivable way.
I am not an insatiable person, but he never satisfied any of my needs,
and expected me to be the perfect wife. He was kind and bitter simultaneously,
very judgmental, and my day depended on the kind of mood he was in. One could
hardly call that an ideal or admirable situation to be in. I had to put up with
it, or shut up. Leaving was not an option for me, because then he would
transform into the perfect person, and truly make me believe that I was just
imagining and magnifying my dissatisfaction. He would pick me up and praise me
to the sky and tease and tickle me till I fell to the floor giggling,
reciprocating his amorous gestures, suddenly believing that I just might be
imagining the whole situation.
The brainwashing was being artfully administered, the mystification, I
was enduring was
totally weighing me down. I started to feel guilty, and felt like a
confused person. I knew I was unhappy and dissatisfied, but I did not know why
I changed my mind every time he told me to?
It took years to realize that the first step to understand what was
going on was to be honest with myself. At the time I did not know what being
honest with one’s self meant. I thought it was just a figure of speech. I later
found out that it’s the most important built
in protection mechanism we have.
It is a skill we must all strive to perfect. The end result is the firewall,
which keeps out all the junk messages we are fed, all the fake promises.
The mesmerisms, which makes us undermine our self worth and question
our sanity.
It restores our self worth, and deletes all kinds of brain washing
techniques used on us as life goes on. You realize that if you are feeling
cheated or hurt, it’s because you have been cheated and hurt and that you are
not hallucinating, like some giddy jack ass,
and if you are feeling tired of your boring situation, chances most
probably are that you are bored with your situation.
Be honest with yourself, trust yourself and don’t let anyone tell you how you really are feeling