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INSULTS FOR MEANIES
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INSULTS FOR MEANIES


1. IF YOU KICKED HIM IN HIS HEART, YOU’D BREAK YOUR TOE.

2. HE’LL CRY OVER YOUR WOUNDS SO HE CAN GET SALT IN THEM.

3. HE’D STEAL A DEAD FLY FROM A BLIND SPIDER.

4. HE HEATS THE KNIVES SO HIS FAMILY WON’T USE TOO MUCH BUTTER.

5. HE GOT HIS PARENTS A FIFTY-PIECE DINNER SET FOR THEIR GOLDEN
ANNIVERSARY A BOX OF TOOTHPICKS.

6. HE TOLD HIS CHILDREN SANTA CLAUSE IS TOO OLD TO GET AROUND ANY MORE.

7. HE TAKES SPARROWS, DIPS THEM IN PEROXIDE, AND SELLS THEM AS CANARIES.

8. HE’LL THROW A DROWNING MAN BOTH ENDS OF A ROPE.

9. THE LAST PLACE HE LIVED IN, HE CAMPAIGNED FOR DRY LAW
GOT IT PASSED AND THEN MOVED AWAY.

10. HE IS VERY SYMPATHETIC, HE BURIES HIS HEAD IN HIS HANDS IN THE SUBWAY.
HE CAN’T SEE AN OLD WOMAN STANDING.

11. HE HAS LOTS OF FORTITUDE - HE’LL STAND FOR NEARLY ANYTHING
BUT A WOMAN ON A TRAIN.

12. HE’D MAKE DICE OUT OF HIS MOTHERS KNUCKLE BONES.

13. THE ONLY WAY HE CAN HEAR ANY GOOD ABOUT HIMSELF
IS TO TALK TO HIMSELF.

14. EVERY TIME A SCARING CIGARETTE REPORT COMES OUT,
HE GOES AROUND BLOWING SMOKE IN PEOPLE’S FACES.

15. HE’S SUFFERING FROM HARDENING OF THE HEARTERIES.

16. HIS MOTTO IS ‘A TOOTH FOR A TOOTH', BUT EXPECTS YOURS TO HAVE GOLD IN IT.

17. HE FOLDS HIS NEWSPAPER SO THE GUY NEXT TO HIM
IN THE BUS CAN ONLY READ HALF THE NEWS PAPER

18. YOU COULD NOT WARM UP TO HIM IF YOU WERE CREMATED TOGETHER.

19. LOTS OF PEOPLE WOULD LOVE WORKING FOR HIM - IF THEY WERE GRAVE DIGGERS.

20. THE NEXT TIME YOU’LL MEET ANYONE LIKE HIM,
IT WILL HAVE TO BE IN A NIGHTMARE.

By Louis Safian


This 'tongue in cheek' reference is guaranteed to put the right retort, in the right head, at the right time. And is going to be a 15 part series, from BLONDES to SNOBS. So dont forget to join the mailing list for MORE.

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