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The most important decision in my life

Author: Spookster.

Disclaimer: everybody knows it so I am not going to waste any space with it.

Summary: He had to leave but now he is planning to go back. Will his family be ready?

Feedback: Yes please. Whatever you have to tell, do it.

Dedication: I want to dedicate this to the GDT (Guinness Drinking Team) the best Non Irish (but nearly) Guinness Drinkers of the world. Come on people, Saint Patrick's days is in 41 days. I also want to dedicate this to ARGOS and BROSNAN, my dogs.

Very special thanks to Cathey Chapman who beta read this story and its second part. Thank you very much Cathey, I really appreciate your help. I hope to read your fanfic soon.

Now with the story:


By Spookster (

I remember some good things from my childhood. Before Sam was taken away, we had a great time in the Vineyard. We could play with our friends in the streets, even at night without worrying about passing cars, burglars or street gangs. We could leave our bikes in the garden and find them there at the following day. These were happy days indeed.

And now, here I am, a 45 year old man sitting in my car looking at a group of boys playing basketball. I cannot see any difference between them, and me and my old friends. All dressed with big T-shirt from some movie or rock band, cut-off sweatpants and more or less expensive sneakers. We all share the same youthful energy and abandon.

I can see one kid who stands out in the group. He is slightly taller than his friends with all his reddish-brown hair messed up from playing. He moves extremely quickly and his big blue eyes never leave the ball. As the game progressed, I can see how this young boy looks at his opponent, observes the way the other controls the ball and rapidly attacks him, catching the ball and scoring. He is by anyway modest, every time he gets a point, begins a silly dance nobody but he seems to understand.

I know I must leave before some neighbor calls the security ward of the area but I can't take my eyes off the play. I have spent many evenings watching this group play or simply sit on the ground. Sometimes I wonder if this smart kid knows about the big sacrifices that his family has made for him. This boy, who is now discussing with his friends, was not supposed to be born. This boy, who doesn't know me, made me make the most important decision of my life, because there is nothing I wouldn't do for my son.

When Dana and I came back from the Arctic, the X-Files were reopened but assigned to other agents, while we were sent to the Violent Crimes Section. People did not welcome us being there so we had problems from the very beginning. We were excellent profilers and the solving rate went up but also made our partners jealous.

The tension became so unbearable that both of us tried to quit. Skinner called us as soon as he got informed. We abandoned Violent Crimes but not the FBI. Scully went back to Quantico as head of the Forensic Department and I entered in the Behavioral Science Department.

We both felt broke up and always looked for comfort in each other. We had worked together for six years but we didn't really know each other, so much of our spare time was spent at my apartment or hers. We just watched a video and did some talk over a good dinner. Those moments with her prevented me from falling down. Iíd loved her for years and she felt the same for me but not until our defenses were down were we able to show our feelings.

Once we did that, everything felt perfect. I remember that time with Dana as one of the happiest of my life. All the tension built up during 6 years came up to the surface and it was wonderful. We didn't hide our feelings, though we marked a line between our professional and personal life. All people knew about us, but since our work in the X-files had ended, nobody cared.

I moved to Scully's apartment and even though we were not married we lived, as a married couple for all that mattered. Dana's mother was plethoric with our relationship, and I was "adopted" by Scully's family. Of course, Bill Jr. didn't like the idea of meeting me at every family reunion but his mother and baby sister calmed him down. We couldn't have the X-files but we got a family and a future to enjoy.

Then the unexpected occurred. Dana discovered she was pregnant. We had been living together for two years and, during that time, we had talked about getting married and even adopting a child or two. We never expected that. Dana went under a great number of tests that confirmed that baby was perfectly normal, healthy and that it was a boy.

As unprepared for this as we were, I must admit, we did a good job. Maggie produced Dana's old crib from somewhere, and Tara sent Matthew's baby clothes. Soon the apartment was so crowded with baby stuff that we looked for a bigger place for our growing family.

The pregnancy developed without any problem, and on September 12th,our son made his entrance to the world. He was a healthy baby boy, with big blue eyes and brown reddish hair who made both his parents, the happiest people of the world. We had discussed the name thing since we knew it was a boy. I didn't want to pass the curse of my name to him but Dana loved it. Finally our son was named Willem Renard Mulder, which happens to be my two names in French.

I must say, I was totally scared about being a father, mostly because my own dad was not a model to follow, but Dana helped me a lot with this. On his first months Dana let me be in contact with the baby every time, mostly during diapers changing. I loved feeding him and cuddling him to sleep. I discovered I could be a good father for Willem. We really enjoyed his babyhood and joined our son in every little discovery he made. Our son was very easy going and enjoyed being with people, playing with little children his age or just lying between his mother and me in bed.

When Willem was two, his mother and I got married. It was a small ceremony in Maggie's backyard with not many guests, as our friends group was very reduced. Skinner was my best man together with Willem who insisted on staying the whole ceremony in my arms. The Lone Gunmen were also there and I could swear I saw tears in Frohike's eyes when the priest got to the "You may kiss the bride" line.

There were mornings when I woke up to find Dana talking sweetly to our son and thought how I had come to be so happy. Sometimes at night when it was raining outside and the thunder woke our baby boy, I took him with me and put him between his mother and me. At those times, when I held my wife and son comfortably and securely sleeping in my arms, I felt the like most fortunate man in the world.

There are people who are afraid of being happy because they know it will have to end at some time. Well, that was what occurred to me. I was not ready for what happened in Willem's monthly revision with his pediatrician. He was a healthy boy but he had his father's tendency of falling down and had his little body covered with bruises. That time, he had fallen down the stairs and broken his left arm in the process. So we went to the hospital when that black lunged son of bitch also known as CSM came our way. I took Willem in my arms but he wanted to go to the park out in front of the hospital. So as I watched my son playing in the sandbox, I received the worst message possible, there was no option; I had to join the Consortium if I wanted Willem to have a normal life with Dana. If not, we would never see him alive again.

I felt like a hundred knives pierced my heart at that moment. I couldn't let them take my boy away from his mother, from the safety Dana could give him. So I did the only thing possible: I made a deal with the CSM. We would fake my death and I would work for the Consortium as long as Dana and Willem's safety was preserved. I remember living my last days with them with a great intensity and I still have every moment recorded in my mind.

The plan was meticulously set. I would suffer a terrible accident while going to work in my car. The vehicle would crash with a truck and they would explode as a result of the collision. My body would suffer from such heat that nobody could make identification or an autopsy. That is what exactly happened.

I attended my own funeral and if not physically, I can tell my heart and soul died the moment I saw Dana and Willem standing in front of the coffin. Friends surrounded them. Dana was holding our son in her arms as Skinner and Maggie stood silently on her side. My wife was not crying and her face remained expressionless as she tried to calm Willem who cried silently. I guess she knew so much happiness wouldn't last long, but as I did, she prayed for a little more time.

I began working with the Consortium and surprisingly found that they trusted me enough to give me some power from the very beginning. I wish I had known half of the things I know now about our "dear" government when working with the X-files. Dana would be speechless if she knew how this organization works. Now, 5 years have passed since my "death" and me joining this group from hell. Most of the members have retired or passed away being old as they were. The CSM died one year ago, his death due to a lung cancer that made him fade away in less than 5 months. I know it is strange me saying this, but I will miss him. He taught me a lot of things and even though he put my life in danger many times, he also saved it more times that I can count. He told me about my father and the things both of them did working for the government. I saw Samantha again, the real Samantha. She is living in California with her husband and kids. We have seen each other a couple of times, talked about the old times in the Vineyard and I even showed her photographs of her nephew and sister in law.

During all this time, I have kept tabs on Dana and Willem. Dana went back to Quantico for a while but then she quit. I guess she grew tired of Bureau policy and it left her little time for her to be with Willem. Now she is the head of the Pediatrics Department in George Washington Hospital. She did a great change: from dead bodies of unknown nature to little children. I have always known she would end up working as a doctor. She really cares for her patients and has a good time helping them.

Willem is now 8 years old and he is a perfect mixture of his parents. He has very big blue eyes and short brown reddish hair that is always uncombed, much to his mother's despair, I guess. He is taller for a boy his age and enjoys playing soccer and basketball but much to my despair this time, he is grown to be a Bullís fan. He is a very good student and moreover he is taking fiddle and karate classes. He must be tiring his mother out.

Both have moved to a two-story house in one of the safest neighborhoods in town. I have taken care of their income so they don't have to worry about it. My income was very good, due to my father's inheritance, but let's say that being in the position I am money is nothing to worry about. Maggie has left their old house and has moved in with them. She surely is a great help both with the house duties and with the earthquake my son has turned into. Sometimes I wonder if he still remembers me. Dana would probably talk to him about me and he can see the photographs Dana has but he was merely a baby last time I saw him. If there is one thing I regret about all this is missing my only son's childhood.

I look at the group again and they are now lying on the ground. I can hear them singing some rock song but by the sounds of it, they don't know the lyrics so they are trying to make them up. I see Willem looking at a car which is now parking. The car stopped and his mother appears wearing her usual navy suit. Willem runs towards her and climbs into her waiting arms. They approach the group and Dana talks with the boys while Willem gathers his things into his gym bag. Dana has changed a bit since the last time; her little body is thinner but not because of lack of food but for increasing visits to the gym. Her hair is shorter and a darker shade of red but all this makes her seem younger.

When Willem is ready, the two of them leave the group and walk to the car. Willem puts his arm around his mother's waist and she passes hers around his shoulder. Here goes my family. They deserve all the happiness they can face after all they have suffered and I'm going to make that happen. As I see the car go away, I mentally kiss my wife and son goodbye. "You'll be fine and safe." I promise, "I'm planing my way back to you and it will be soon." With that I abandon the place, my promise still hanging in my mind and the idea of making it true, more possible each day.



Finished on February 6th.