Master Chief vs. Crash Bandicoot Master Chief has a gun. Crash has a stupid grin. But Crash Bandicoot has evil Sony minions for backup. They aren't a part of this fight.:smileymad: Evil minions know no rules. In that case, Kefka gets minion back-up, too! I totally take back my minion rule. You would. Oh, real mature. Hey, I'm not the one changing the rules. Son of a submariner. Catchphrase thief. Character assassin. Booger brain. Big meanie. Mayor McCheese.

Kefka vs. Knuckles Kefka is also my pick to win it all. You've gotta love this guy! I hate you. You can't deny the power of a man who curses by saying "son of a submariner!" And YOU can't deny the power of someone who can climb a thousand-foot tall COMPLETELY VERTICAL mountain face with his bare hands. Kefka can MAKE thousand-foot-tall mountains through sheer mental force! Bad ass! Knuckles can climb over them and give Kefka a well-deserved punch to the groin. I'll call it "Cloud icon redux" I don't know for certain, but I think Kefka wears iron underwear. Fine then. Change "crotch" to "face". Kefka can FLY! So can Knuckles! Well... sorta. Gliding is not flying. It's SORTA flying... Like walking is sorta running? Exactly... hey, wait a mintue... Now, I'll do a dance!

Solid Snake vs. Tanner Does Tanner even carry a weapon? No, he drives a goddamned car. It could probably run Snake down. That's what I thought. Then you were correct. Of course I was. Arrogant fool. Bite me. :smileytongue: No. I'm on a low-idiot diet. Your maturity astounds me. Neener neener neener! I am rubber, you are glue! No, you're just stinky dog poo! Oooo! Why are we fighting in this one, again? We agreed on the victor. I dunno. I'm not sure why we're doing any of this. Ego? Yeah, it's got to be ego.

Cloud Strife vs. Duke Nukem Duke Nukem can go to HELL!!! Cloud will split his hollow head like a not-so-hollow melon. Screw you. As Cloud charges up his Omnislash attack in a swirl of fancy lights, Duke will shoot him between the eyes. Kinda like in Indiana Jones. Cloud would block the bullet with his sword. It's a big sword, after all. I think he's compensating for something. He compensates well. Not very. It'll never change the sad, sad truth about his [MESSAGE TERMINATED] At least Tifa can't keep her hands off of him! Tifa is a bimbo. And Duke Nukem gets ALL the ladies. Duke Nukem gets ALL the sexual diseases. No! He hasn't gotten the clap yet! You know that girl he's with tonight?:smileywink: Who, Vicky? :smileymad::smileymad::smileymad::smileymad::smileymad::smileymad::smileymad: I just love Vicky jokes. Don't we all.:smileymad:

Vyse vs. Laharl Who? Beats me. They probably suck. Yeah, probably. Let's throw bricks at them. Cool! I'm in! I'll take whichever has the monocle. Fine. I get the one with the mullet. Are we 100% certain that's not the same guy? I would love to meet that guy. Then hurl bricks at him. Me too. But I'd also like to throw something heavier, like a cinder-block. How about an elephant? I'm not strong enough. We'll need those super-powers first. Yes. Let's get a move-on. The radioactive explosion is scheduled to happen soon. You mean, the one I planted in the hatchery?

Kirby vs. Kain Kirby will eat Kain and absorb his Vampire powers. That, plus his incredible flying powers? No contest. I actually agree with you on this one. Of course. I'm always right. Not always. See your idiotic ramblings about how Kefka could beat Knuckles. We're all entitled to our own opinions. Except you. You're entitled to a mocking. I'd refrain... unless you LIKE to hear the phrase "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? THE POPES OF THE INTERNET?!"... You can never let the past die, can you!?!? Never. What ramblin' evil mushrooms were to Matt, the popes of the internet shall be to you. **BLEEP**. Well, it could be worse. I've done plenty of stupid stuff here. Like post over 10,000 times in less than a year? Touche. With one of those accent marks on that "e". Ooh. The best kind of E. Nobody does e's like the Frenchies. Except maybie the Ruskies. Is there an e in that alphabet?

Squall Leonhart vs. Bomberman Squall's a **BLEEP**. Yes. That dirty bleep. And he can't match up to the legend that is Bomberman. Bomberman freakin' rules. I'd take any one of his games over FF8 any day. I still haven't faced a boss in that game, and I bought it a year and a half ago. The only Square game that I've seen bashed on by Square fanboys. And that's considering the NES trainwreck classic "Mark Twain" was made by Square. Never heard of it. It therefore sucks. It was a horrible (and also a little racist) RPG based on Mark Twain's classic novel, Tom Sawyer. It was called Tom Sawyer, though. I mis-spoke. Never heard of that game, either. It still sucks. Indeed. See? I'm always right. No, that's me. You're just right some of the time. I'm only right when we dissagree. And most of the time when we agree, too. Insolent fool. On the hill.

Ness vs. Jak Especially if he gets help from that red ground squirrel, Daxter. Matt, I think it's time we team up against him. I get Mitch on my side! No fair. She has mod powers. Eeeeeexactly.:smileywink: Fine then. I call Chilly. No fair! That's two guys! Fine. Then I'll just get Paul. Damnit! I was going to claim Paul! OK, I get Reiner. Reiner may write for the mag, but if it weren't for my man the circulation manager, you wouldn't be reading it! Reiner is still superior in hand-to-hand combat! There's only one way to settle this. PAUL! REINER! COME OVER HERE FOR A SEC! Oh God... What? Afraid Reiner will lose? Afraid this beautiful thread will be locked and deleted, actually.

Auron vs. Scorpion Auron will show up drunk. Then Scorpio will stab him with his spear. Then Auron will take a final swig, and die. Can't argue with logic. Or alcohol. Arguing with alcohol would be a little futile. And also, insane. Kind of like arguing over video game deathmatches. Well... erm... :smileysad:Burn for me! Hey, if it's a burn for me, it's a burn for you too! Let's not forget who occupies the other side of this argument. ....Shaddup! Yeah, that's it! Shaddup! Ooh, snap! I'm pissed... :smileymad: I'm pleased. Pleased as punch? No, pleased as piss. I'm pleased as punch that Vicky's home.

Vivi vs. Donkey Kong Can you say, flaming monkeys? Yes, I know gorillas are apes, but "flaming monkeys" sounds funnier. Off topic, but true story. The last time I called a Gorilla a monkey, Mitch nearly beat me to death. CYBER-beat me to death, that is. She's dangerous sometimes. The wounds on the outside may have healed, but the scars on this inside will be with me FOREVER. :smileysad: No. That's why I stay on her good side. A lesson learned the hard way. This is why I don't feel threatened by echidnas. That will be your downfall. I haven't forgotten the Echidna Hatchery incident. I almost did. Then you reminded me of it. Then I smiled, and giggled a little. DOOM. UNTO. THEE. 4-year-old intelligence indicates you should increase security at the hatchery in the next few weeks... It's already been secured. If you wanna plant more nukes, be prepared to face some antimatter weapons-fire. You can't scare me with your technology! I have trilobite magic! Antimatter destroys all matter, even magical matter. That has never been experimentally proven.

Sephiroth vs. Sly Cooper Sorry, Sly...I like you, I really do. But Family Affair sucks. A man with oedipal issues versus a kleptomaniac. Greatest. Battle. Ever. Throw in a court jester, and we're in business. The sheer level of awsomeness would kill us. At least we'd be paralyzed from the neck down. We could join the Christopher Reeve club! [/tasteless joke] First, we need super powers. Here, let's get caught in a radioactive explosion. That'll surely give us superpowers! Or kill us. Either way, we're screwed. But at least there's a small chance of getting superpowers. And it's a chance we're stupid enough to take. Yay for idiocy! Let's celebrate over a couple of cold ones! Okay! I've had a couple in the fridge getting cold. *pulls beers out of furnace* Well, these are better than the one that guy peed in...

Sonic the Hedgehog vs. Terry Bogard I'm going with Sonic, because I actually know who he is. Terry Bogard is from the King of Fighters and Final Fight series. Sonic could kick his ass. I'll take your word for it. You'd better... Or what? Knuckles the Echidna will come and climb a thousand-foot-wall at me? I hate you so very, very much. If you could see me, I'd be shooting eye-daggers at you. I love you too. Awww. GI is such a friendly place. We're a great big family... We've got all my brothers, sisters, and me! Now, let's all watch Sesame Street. No way. That Elmo is a dirty communist. He's a pinko. Just like the color of your text. Cheap shot. I payed for every last bit of it, thank you very much!

KOS-MOS vs. Ryu Ryu? Street Fighter Ryu? C'mon! This match isn't fair! KOS-MOS is a one-android murdering machine with machine guns stuck in every hiding space. Ryu knows karate. And energy blasts. Still not good enough. How about his neat little headband? ...maybe. How 'bout if I throw in a kickin' pair of fingerless gloves to seal the deal? ...No. Because KOS-MOS has a much better ass. Ryu would be distracted by her ass. Ryu is a hyper-trained ninja dude. He would never be tempted by Earthly desires. Have you seen KOS-MOS' ass? Yes. And, not being a hyper-trained ninja dude, I feel it is my right, nay, my DUTY to gawk. I don't care if you're a hyper-trained ninja dude or not. You're gonna gawk at that thing, and so is Ryu. Yeah, I guess so. I know so. Then I guess you've convinced me of your cause. Cherish the moment; it happens very rarely. Nothing brings us together like the ass of a fictional female android.

Viewtiful Joe vs. Miles "Tails" Prower Henshin a-go-go! Notice I didn't add "baby" to that. That's because Tails is the real baby here. Tails is a stalker. So that's why I'm finding footprints on my window sill... That's what I call karma. I don't know what you mean...<< >> << Suuuuure you don't... Too late. I'm buying a shot gun and staying at my window all night now. Better get it soon. Don't tell anyone I told you, but Tails gets a little violent when you don't pay attention to him... ::: Shudder::: Imagine what Tails could do with his Cat O' Nine Tails. Especially since two of the nine are his own. Stop it. I'm going to have nightmares now. Me too, Dav. Me too. Let's huddle together for security. But we're totally not homosexual. That didn't stop those guys in Without a Paddle.

Dante vs. Ratchet Isn't he Satan's cousin thrice removed? He's a shoe-in against Mr. Fuzzywrench. Mr. Fuzzywrench is now my favoritest insulting nickname in the whole wide world. I demand royalties! NEVER! PUBLIC DOMAIN, I SAY! PUBLIC DOMAAAAAAAAIN! I will not lose another catchphrase! PUBLIC DOMAIN'D! D'OH! I love doing this to you. (For those keeping score, that's the second Simpsons reference so far. It's 1-1.) NUTS! Mmmm...donuts... Excellent. **BLEEP**! uhhh...ahhh...FLAMING MOE! Looks like I win. Thank you, come again. DAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! Yes! YESSS! I hate you... EAT MY SHORTS!!!

Sora vs. HK-47 Not quite sure who that second one is. I'll go with my man, Sora. ...Man? OK. Pre-man. More of a man than that robot will ever be. Well, unless you count that robot from Bicentenial Man. But that movie sucked anyway. And Sora doesn't have to face Robin Williams, does he?:smileywink: True. I just felt like mentioning Bicentenial Man. Maybe you like it more than you care to admit. :smileywink: Nuh-uh! *watches Bicentenial Man on VHS for the 200th time* Sniff... that ending is so sad... I wouldn't know. I've never seen it. You should... um... not. See it. Nope. I'll leave you to your robot drama. Robot drama. The best film subgenre ever. Well, that is, besides zombie movies. Necrophile. Eww. Hey, you're the one who watches that stuff.

Ryu Hayabusa vs. Jill Valentine Ninjas kick ass. 'Nuff said. Jill kicks zombie ass. 'Nuff said. I think you just want to root for the hot one. No, I just like people that do battle witht he zombie horde. They rule. Besides, who says Ryu isn't hot? He's total hunk-itude. This coming from a man with purple text, I'm speechless. What are you insinuating, hmm? Mmmmmmmyes, I think you know what I'm insinuating! Mmmmmmmyes? Methinks you may be hiding a little something, too. You've got nothing on me! I haven't typed in a **BLEEP**-pride color yet! That shade of green is a little fruity if you ask me... It's olive green, in honor of the Olympics' being in Athens. Yeah, sure. You just keep telling yourself that. Well, excuse me for my Olympic Spirit! No, I'll mock you for it. I figured as much.

Sam Fisher vs. Gordon Freeman I need to play more games...I don't know who the second one is... HE'S FROM HALF-LIFE. PLAY SOME FREAKING GAMES ONCE IN A WHILE. :smileymad: Sorry! I don't play online games! Don't kill me! It has online play, but it's not ONLY online. Seriously. Play some games once in a while. Waaaaah... I don't play many computer games at all. Just my GCN and my PS2...:smileysad: In the immortal words of Nelson Muntz: HA HA. I will go cry now. And I will hurl balled-up pieces of paper at you now. You sure know how to make a guy feel special. It's what I do. You should charge people for it. I already do. That'll be fifty bucks. Can't touch me. I'm broadcasting out of Mexico. **BLEEP** it. **BLEEP** it to hell. Don't call this place Hell. The locals are offended by that.

Samus Aran vs. Lara Croft This match-up genuinely offends me. Me too, Dav. Me too. We ought to sign a petition of protest. Nah. Let's just sit back and enjoy seeing Samus kick Lara's ass. That sounds fun. Maybe Samus will display Lara's guns as a warning to others. Like Bush did with Saddam? Ugh. I should be slapped with comparing Samus to Bush. Yes, you should. ::: SLAP!::: I deserved that. Yes. Yes you did. You also deserve this one. ::: SLAP!::: Okay, I'm not so sure about that one. I am. Oh, fiddle sticks.:smileysad: And one more, because I feel like it. ::: SLAP!::: My cheek is starting to sting. Have an icy-hot patch.