It's become more and more clear than I pretty much haven't been pissed off at all since I left college for winter break. I guess me not being pissed is a result of me being home, nowhere near college, working out again, and not working too much.
Alas, all good things must come to an end.
I saw a good amount of really fucking gay commercials the other day, and all of them really pissed me off... I suppose it's just a temporary pissyness, as opposed to a more permanent pissyness that college brings me... Bear with me, I'll try to describe the commercials the best I can.
The first commercial was for Levitra. Levitra is a substitute for Viagra, aka, if you can't use your dick, you have another option. The commercial starts with some gray-haired but young looking guy trying to throw a football through a tire, but missing.
Before I continue, the fundamental flaws in this commercial are already expressed in the first 2 or 3 seconds. First off, average old guys don't look that good or young. Stop making America think that they're the people they see on TV. Second, throwing a football through a tire is probably the most obvious sexual reference I've ever seen unless they come out and say "USE LEVITRA IF YOUR COCK DOESN'T WORK". It's not that it's bad imagery, it's just stupid and it pisses me off. OK, continuing...
After a few tries, the guy looks distressed, then the commentator says "but now there's a solution" or some gay shit. Then the guy looks confident and all of a sudden can throw the ball through the hole like a CHAMP. Then, his wife comes over to him looking very happy, and totally throws off his game. She then whispers something to him as they are in the throws of passionate frolicking, and they proceed to go inside. But wait, the guy has to put away the ball, and he throws it in the shed and it lands conveniently enough inside it's box.
There are more flaws that exist in this commercial that bugged me. One of them is, it bugs me how all these medicines or creams that have something to do with your genitalia NEVER EVER mention the penis or vagina. They always either give vague references, or make the commercial about being independent or some stupid ass shit. Like herpes medicine commercials... you always see some woman doing something that makes her independent, like rock climbing or white-water rafting. Yeah, you had your days of independence in college, and now you have herpes. Good move, bitch. This Levitra commercial is a violator, but they make some strong imagery to make sure you know it's medicine for your dick. Second, you don't act all depressed because you can't sink a ball in a tire one minute and then be all confident and nail it the next. These things take time. YOUR DICK DOESN'T WORK. Fixing it is not a finger-snap away. Third, if I had erectile disfunction and some woman came over to me while I was trying to throw a football, I would probably push her to the ground and get her pants dirty. It's bad enough my dick doesn't work, but now you come out and bug me about it? Screw you! Forth, the woman is with a guy with a non-working dick.
I really hate this commercial.
Another one that bugged me is one I saw while I was on the treadmills at the gym. I was watching 3 TVs... One of them was playing the show "Painfully Unfunny Sitcom", the one next to it was playing "One-Note Bullshit", and the other one was "Golf...yes, Golf". So my options were pretty bleak. During a commercial break, I saw a commercial to something I stock at work, Noriche Yogurt, which is basically drinkable yogurt from Yoplait. I didn't catch the whole thing, but one thing I did catch totally set off my bullshit detector. This bitch was drinking Noriche on a plane, and she was too busy drinking it to get off the plane, so the person next to her walked pretty much on top of her to get out of the seat, and she dropped all of her papers on her. The woman didn't look pissed at all.
Flaw number one - Drinking yogurt won't make you happy. Flaw 2 - If some bitch cuts in front of you, you tell her to wait her turn. Flaw 3 - If said bitch drops all her papers on you, you would be super-pissed. I think the main reason this commercial flops is because of the over-abundance of women. Most are too stupid to get carried away with emotions like anger, because they are too busy drinking fucking yogurt. Since commercials try to conform you to be like the person you see on TV, it helps in making all women stupid, because they go out and buy drinkable yogurt, and then cheat on their boyfriends and not realize what they've done, because they're too busy drinking yogurt and getting void of emotions. Girls suck.
I think everyone agrees with me that the new McDonalds ad campaign is probably the worst idea ever. Instead of showing rich, beautiful, and mostly white people, which is what most people aspire to be, they show poor, ugly, and mostly minorities - the bottom of the fucking barrel. That's not meant to be racist AT ALL, but what the fuck are they thinking? They're showing these kids in ghettos getting jiggy with McDonalds. NO GHETTO KID EATS MCDONALDS BECAUSE THEY'RE USUALLY TOO POOR TO AFFORD IT.
Another ad campaign that is further turning America into urban ghetto trash is the Xbox "It's good to play together" ad campaign. The first one I saw is for a game called Grabbed by the Ghoulies. This game is aimed at kids mostly, but they have a tough-sounding ghetto black kid commentating the commercial. What? Then they end it with him saying "It's good to play together" in the toughest voice yet. Congratulations, another misconstrued stereotype has been force fed to the world. Like McDonalds, GHETTO KIDS DON'T OWN XBOX'S BECAUSE THEY'RE TOO FUCKING POOR!!!!
Why do people strive to be "ghetto" anyway? It's probably the worst fad this side of metrosexuality. "Hey, I'm a suburban white kid, yet I strive to be the poor black kid who lives in the projects, who barely scrapes by on the welfare his mom gets in the mail because she's too busy smoking crack and having kids to get off her fat ass and get a job." Great goals, dipshit. Go jump off a bridge and die.