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This is just for you
Friday, 18 February 2005
Hey! I wanted to make this for you, as if I dont type/talk enough...But, I wanted you to have a place to come to whenever you feel like you are having a relapse!

YOU HAVE TO trust me and know that things are gonna get SO MUCH BETTER! When you are on the road, and all you have is "this old job," try to notice the beautiful and interesting things and people around you- Every day find something around you that makes you really happy or that you have never seen before. You dont have to, but a little hand size notebook might really help with this, and every day you can write those things down so by the time you get back you can remember how much beauty there is around you- you might be missing out on the little things, and signs that are pointing you somewhere!

EVERYTIME you think about Andrea, just make a HUGE smile---and say something that you think sounds really stupid like "hot coconut" I know it sounds retarded but it REALLY helps...You feel all cheesy and stupid for smiling and saying something so dumb outloud and then you actually have to laugh at it...pretty soon it will become a habit- BUT it will ONLY work if you put the effort into it.

REMEMBER that the more you think about the good 'ol times, the more you are blinded by the facts, the stress you have gone through and will CONTINUE to go through if you head on the same path, with the same blurry vision of perfection that doesn't exist.
You have SO so so so much good ahead of you, and it gets better not worse!!! You will heal and those things that you think are killing you, will actually turn out to be stepping stones to get you to where you want to be- in your future relationships, and in life.

Now to explain the songs (yay!)

1) "Magic",- Ben Folds This song represents the beauty in transition and letting go of the things that hurt you and becoming free from people who make you feel weak.

2) "Standard Lines" by Dashboard Confessionals
This is for being strong while saying the "lines" to each other (you and her) unnaturally because you have gotten to the point where there is nothing left to say. Yeah you better fuckin believe you will miss her, but as soon as you accept that it's ok to be sad about it, you will be making the first step to healing. Its like AA, you have an addiction, you have recognized it, and now you have to accept the way things are, and make the first move on changing. You dont want to be in this state forever, so you have to put in the effort if you want to get anywhere.

3) "Carryin your love with me" -George Strait
You are about to leave, and you will have a lot of baggage to carry, but just think about taking the people who care about you with you wherever you go. She loves you and cares about you, and will for a long time. Don’t think about this in a sad way, think of it as positive thing for you both. I am sendin my love with you too, and I will miss you!

4) "Last Dance with Marry Jane" -Tom Petty
So, um, yeah this song is actually about weed, but its great and it can go into the leaving your addictions and tired bad feelings behind you

5) “Now its On” -Grandaddy
This one makes weird noises in the beginning… Its about stepping outside of your box, and not regretting things that you’ve done, but growing from all the shit that’s happened to you, and getting out into the world that is waitin for you!! (I am seriously the biggest dork ever)

6) “This time is the last time” -Mae
The words for this are perfect- and pretty clear, but along the same lines of not settling for something less than you deserve. Make it the last time you give in and make yourself feel weak.

7) “Look what you’ve done” -Jet
THIS should be renamed as Roya’s theme song- I totally fucked some things up that I had no business in, and now I feel like I lost you, and your trust, and hurt people and put you both into a deeper mess….I hope you will see why I cared so much one day though, and I will say sorry for the last time.

8) “We do what we can” -Sheryl Crow
I love this song, thought you might like it, maybe not…it’s a good blue’s story about how sometimes you lose the person who is your biggest love and inspiration- and you have to do whatever you can to survive afer it.

9) “A Poem for Byzantium” -Delerium
This girl has the most beautiful voice ever! This one is really really about getting away from who you love by being far away, but not forgetting. And being alone is “okay” This is a good one to read the words with the song, it is seriously perfect….

10) “Somersault” Zero 7 and
11) More than words
This is how I feel about you. You have something inside of you, that is so wonderful, and I KNOW your potential for love is so huge --that I can’t let go of you…so I am sorry if you think I am wrong about that, but I will tell you that without shame at this point. I would prove it to you instead of telling you --if you gave me the chance, One day, maybe, we'll see....

12) “Bless the Broken Road” -Rascal Flats
You already know why I love this song, and you know why its on here Unanswered prayers wouldn’t download, so I couldn’t get that on here for you, but its along the same lines…

13) “No woman No cry” Bob Marley
Self explanatory or what??

14) “I Know” Fiona Apple
This is about me too, I am your “crowbar” until you are ready for me, at least, as a friend…Please listen to the words because it is too perfect of a song to not see exactly what she is singin.

15) “Whiskey Lullaby” Brad Paisley & Alison Kraus
This is what happens to people who are weak, you are NOT weak, don’t listen literally to music like this, because it is NOT how it really happens. This is about what happens when you use alcohol to cover your feelings instead of being strong and taking the pain for a while… It is a beautiful song, and its important for you to not compare your pain to this sort of attitude. Its ok and you can use me, that’s what I am here for

16) “You’ve got a Way” -Shania Twain
This song is just how I great I think you are, and for thanking you for showing me that I can love someone who loves me back- even if its not you. I really never thought I would ever love anyone who treated me like you did, and now I know that that is exactly what I want and will wait for. I wont settle for anything less than that (minus all the bad stuff heh)

17) “Flake” Jack Johnson”
OUR first song ever!

I love the way you are, and I really do think that you are flawless
Love Roya

Posted by dc2/destinationbeautiful at 7:12 AM PST
Updated: Monday, 21 February 2005 6:54 PM PST
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