Herr Commish: Vell, JR? Did you do vhat I asked?
JR: Yeah…I sure hope I get reimbursed for that though…
Herr Commish: Don’t vorry, it is for a good cause…Und it looks good on your chances to move up in the GTW…
JR: You really think so?
Herr Commish: Zis night, is going to be a great night for us JR…I can feel it…
*** We cut now to another backstage area, where backstage reporter Nicky Nitro is with Dr. Satanico… ***
Nicky: Doctor, it’s good to see you back here in the GTW…but why in the heck are you helping Blacklight and Hazavu win the no.1 spot in the tag team race?
Satanico: First of all, I wasn’t helping them…I was teaching Will Lavin a lesson. For too long, he has had a grudge against the women in this fed…and he has made the ULTIMATE mistake in touching Shadow. Shadow is under MY protection…and any harm that comes to her will be answered by me!
Nicky: OK…so maybe you can tell us, why has Shadow returned to the GTW?
Satanico: Well, that is really quite simple, you see…UFFF!!!
*** Satanico falls forward, victim of a double axe handle to the back from Lavin…the two start brawling all over the backdrop that serves as the interview area for Icestorm, breaking the set into a many pieces with their wild brawl… ***
*** All of a sudden we cut again, this time to a car rental terminal inside a airport, where Eric Bialas is mumbling to himself… ***
Bialas: That was the crappiest flight I’ve ever been on…god, I hope we can get a decent rental car…
Attendant: How can I help you?
Bialas: Yeah, I need a rental car, preferably something that can get us from here to Boston real quick...
Attendant: Let me see...Hmm...well sir...uh...I don't think we have what you are looking for.
Bialas: Huh? Do you have a rental car or not?
Attendant: Uh...well, yes...
Bialas: OK, I'll take it! I don't care what it is!!!
Attendant: Are you SURE about that? It's a...Ford Pinto.
Bialas: A FORD PINTO!!!!
*** Loud audible laugh is heard from the arena ***
Bialas: You don't hav ANYTHING else???
Attendant: No...all of our other vechiles were rented by a James Robert.
DAMN!!! Well...(turns to camera guy) Pay the lady...we're driving to
Crocker: HA!!! A FORD PINTO!!! HA!!!
Papa: This is no laughing matter Crock...Bialas is being SCREWED by Herr Commish!
Crocker: Oh c’mon...this is hilarious and you know it!!!
Papa: Well, it is kinda funny...but still...
DING DING DING!!!
Ben Richmond: The next match is schedualed for one fall, and is a Three Way Dance for the GTW HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP!!! Introducing first, the challengers!!! First, from Miami, Florida, coming to the ring with Catzy...He is Blazae!!!!
*** The Fans are mixed on how to react to the superstar, but pop for Catzy, making her way to the ring, despite being attacked earlier... ***
Richmond: And his opponent, from Tampa, Florida, WARLORD!!!!
*** The big man makes his way to the ring...but before he even gets there, he has dropped his tag strap and begins brawling with Blazae on the outside!!! ***
Papa: Looks like this one is starting early...both Blazae and Warlord having some issues with one another...
DING DING DING!!!
Papa: And this one is underway as both men slide into the ring...but...where is Mad Dog???
Crocker: Eh...who cares???
Papa: Well, kinda hard to have a hardcore match without the title holder!!!
Crocker: Eh...we’ll manage...
Papa: OK...Blazae unloading now on Warlord...BAM BAM BAM!!!! Three big right hands to the face of his tag team partner...and now, Blazae sends him for a ride...Goes for the dropkick...NO!! Blazae hits the mat hard as Warlord puts on the breaks!!! Warlord now going out of the ring...and getting some goodies from underneath!!!
Crocker: You know, I still have no idea why we hide all this stuff under the ring for the wrestlers to beat the crap out of each other with...
Papa: One of the unexplained mysteries of the wrestling world, I guess...as Warlord tosses in a Trash can, some lids, a stop sign, and a baking sheet...
Crocker: DAMN!!!! I must of misssed the cookie bake off again!!!
Papa: That joke is as old as you are Crock...And much like your mother, everyone has done it.
Papa: Warlord now getting back into the ring...and BAM!!! Blazae back to his feet, nails Warlord in the head with a Garbage can lid!!! Warlord now stumbling...and BAM!!! Now he’s down!!! Cover!!!
Papa: Close!!! Warlord gets the shoulder up and Blazae goes for the trash can...looks like he plans to use that on Warlord...OH!!! Blazae turns around...Only to get that can CRUSHED into his chest by the big boot of Warlord!!! Warlord now...lifts up Blazae...OH!!! HUGE SUPLEX ONTO THE REMAINS OF THE TRASH CAN!!!
Crocker: How the hell did Warlord have the prescene of mind to find the garbage can after he crushed Blazae’s ribs with it?
Papa: No idea...OH!!! Cover!!!
Papa: How did Blazae kick out of that??? I wonder...
Crocker: Yeah, me too...
Papa: Warlord getting up Blazae again...looks like he going to go for a powerbomb....OH!!! BAM!!!! Blazae takes a powerbomb right onto the Stop Sign!!!
Crocker: Stop the violence!!! Stop it!!!!
Papa: That was just bad Crock...Warlord signalling that it might be time for his finisher...he’s picking up Blazae...NO!!! Blazae grabbed the Cookie sheet...and BAM!!!! Pasted it across the head of Warlord!!!
Crocker: You know, I always wondered how we could afford so many of those...
Papa: Well, it’s sure not in any shape to be used for cooking again...As now, it appears that Blazae is going up top...OH!!!! He comes off with the Frog Splash!!! Warlord and Blazae are both down now...and wait...What’s that music???
*** Hot by KRS 1 One plays...softly, but getting louder... ***
Crocker: Sounds like it’s coming closer...but how is that possible???
Papa: I don’t...OH MY GOD!!!!
*** A Huge Monster Truck drives into the arena and right up to the Ringside area...and it is the source of the music...as the door opens up, and out walks MAD DOG!!! Mad Dog holds up his Staple Glock high and walks out onto the hood of the truck...the back is just loaded with tables, chairs, staples, and weapons of all sorts... ***
Papa: OH MY GOD!!!! Mad Dog is in the house!!!!
Crocker: Yes, and it looks like he finally found a truck big enough for all that crap he was buying earlier in the week!!!!
Papa: Both Warlord and Blazae getting back to their feet...and OH MY!!!! Mad Dog flying off the hood of the Monster Truck...and both men go down with a HUGE Flying Clothesline!!! And now...OH NO...He’s showing off the Staple Glock...and BAM!!! OH!!! Shot for Blazae!!! BAM!!! Shot for Warlord!!! Both men down and Bleeding!!! and the fans are loving it!!!
Crocker: I can’t believe he brought a Monster Truck to the ring...
Papa: Me either...Mad Dog now...throwing Blazae from the ring...and he’s going out after him!!! And OH!!! Into the crowd he goes!!! Mad Dog chasing after Blazae in the crowd...BAM!!! Right from Mad Dog! BAM!!! Left!!! And Blazae is just reeling through the crowd area!!! BAM!!!! And now...he’s got a beer!!!
Crocker: Why do people give him beer? Don’t they realize he’s got to drive that Monster Truck out of here after the match???
Papa: I don’t think they care...and I don’t think Mad Dog does either!!!! He takes a big Gulp...and BAM!!! Beer Cup to the head of Blazae!!!! But Wait!!!! BAM!!!! Mad Dog FLATTENED by a HUGE Chairshot by Warlord!!!
Crocker: Good!!! That’s what we like to see!!!
Papa: Warlord picking up Blazae...and OH! Whips him into the guardrail!!! And now, picking up the remains of Mad Dog...whipping that into Blazae...and Both men go over the rail into the walkway to the ring!!!!
Crocker: Warlord’s Size advantage really making a difference here...and I am suprised that Mad Dog ignored him to go after Blazae!!!
Papa: Hmm, true enough...as Now Mad Dog is paying for his mistake...OH!!! As Warlord drops him throat first across the guard rail!!!
Crocker: Hmm... that hurt.
Papa: Yes it sure did!!!! Warlord now going over to Blazae...Catzy, wisely has stayed out of this match, looking on...AND OH!!!! Blazae goes low on Warlord!!! Warlord bent over...and Blazae clearing the cobwebs...grabs Warlord’s head and...BAM!!!! Bangs it off the side of the Monster Truck!!!
Crocker: Well, that’s something you don’t see everyday...
Papa: I would say not...As Warlord is picked up and slammed by Blazae...he open up the back of the truck...and OH MY GOD!!!! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT????
Crocker: I don’t know...but if I had to guess, I’d say that was a combination of both Thumbtacks and Staples that just spilt out all over Warlord...
Papa: MY GOD!!!! Warlord covered in that mess...Blazae backing up...INTO A REVERSE FACEBUSTER!!!! Mad Dog just grabbed the head of Blazae and fell backwards...slamming Blazae’s head into the floor!!!
Crocker: Yeah, and that’s concrete over there...
Papa: Blazae looks to be out of the one folks...Mad Dog grabs the lifeless Blazae and sets him up on the back off the truck...and OH MY GOD...WHAT IS HE...
*** WHY????? ***
*** CAUSE IT’S DRY!!!! ***
Papa: Mad Dog hoisting up Blazae...He’s going to DRY WELL HIM ONTO THE MESS OF TACKS AND STAPLES COVERING WARLORD!!!! NO!!! Blazae slides free...BAM!!! Kick to the gut of Mad Dog...Blazae picking up a chair sitting there in the bed of the truck...Swings...Misses....AND BAM!!!! OH MY GOD!!!! Mad Dog dropkicks the chair into the face of Blazae...and HE LANDS ON THE TUMBTACK/STAPLE/WARLORD MESS!!!!
Crocker: Dude, that’s just gross.
Papa: Mad Dog surveying the carnage...as Blazae rolls off of that pile...he’s writhing in pain...
Crocker: WELL...Look at his back for crying out loud!!! He’s got Staples and tacks hanging out of it!!! Jesus!!!
Papa: This is not for the kiddies, I can tell you that much folks!!! Put them youngsters to bed!!! Mad Dog now...where is he going??? He’s got a table he’s setting up in the ring...but what is he putting there next to it???
Crocker: Is that...yes it is...a flask and a zippo.
Papa: A FLASK AND A ZIPPO????
Papa: OH MY GOD!!! MAD DOG IS GONNA PUT SOMEONE THROUGH A FLAMING TABLE!!!! Mad Dog makes his way back to the mess on the floor...but BAM!!! Warlord has shaken free from the mess of Staples and Tacks...and now...OH MY GOD!!! He just got Press slammed onto the bed of the truck!!! Warlord climbs in the bed as well...and He’s got him up again!!!! Warlord walking over...OH MY GOD!!!! WARLORD PRESS SLAMS MAD DOG OVER THE CAB ONTO THE HOOD OF THE MONSTER TRUCK!!!!
Crocker: What power!!!!
Papa: Mad Dog must be out of it folks...but that took a lot out of Warlord...who’s face is a crimson mask from that staple gun shot...and OH!!! Blazae has climbed into the bed of the truck!!!
Crocker: His back is all cut to shreds!!!
Papa: Yes it is...landing on that Tack/Staple mess has torn it to pieces!!! He is bleeding rather bad...but he’s still taking the fight to his partner!!! BAM! BAM! BAM!!! Blazae Rocking the world of Warlord...but wait!! Mad Dog now on the top of the cab...and BAM!!! He just put both boots into Blazae’s back!!! Blazae goes down...and now...Mad Dog is hauling Warlord up on the top of the cab...and Over onto the hood!!! Mad Dog picking up Warlord...and...JESUS CHRIST!!!! HE JUST PILEDRIVED HIM ON THE HOOD!!!!
Papa: OUCH???? OUCH IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT!!!! Warlord maybe dead!!! And now Mad Dog getting Warlord up again...and HOLY SH*T!!!! HE JUST THROUGH HIM THROUGH THE FRONT WINDSHIELD!!!!
Papa: Blazae has somehow gotten onto the top of the cab...JUMPS DOWN...NO!!!! Mad Dog catches him...ROCK BOTTOM!!!! And now...where is Mad Dog going???
Crocker: Back into the ring...he’s got that flask...uh-oh...
Papa: He’s pouring the contents on the table...and DOWN HIS OWN GULLET!!!! And now...THAT TABLE IS A BLAZE!!!!
Crocker: Not a Blazae, right.
Papa: Ha ha...Mad Dog climbs on the hood of the monster Truck...and OH JESUS...HE’S GOING TO DRY WELL HIM THROUGH THE FLAMING TABLE!!!!
Crocker: Yup...that he is...
Mad Dog: WHY????
Crowd: CAUSE IT’S DRY!!!!
*** CRACK!!!! ***
Papa: GOOD LORD!!!! BLAZAE AND MAD DOG JUST WENT THROUGH THE FLAMING TABLE!!!! AND SOMEHOW, MAD DOG GOES FOR A COVER!!!!
DING DING DING!!!!
Richmond: Your winner of the match, and still hardcore champion, Mad Dog!!!!!
Papa: That’s the most amazing thing I have ever seen!!! Mad Dog is getting up...he wants a microphone!!!!
Mad Dog: Hey...(holding up Hardcore title) You want this??? You can have it!!!!
*** Mad Dog sets down the hardcore title across the limp body of Blazae and then throws down the microphone and leaves... ***
Papa: What??? What is he doing????
Crocker: I guess he’s fed up with that hardcore crap...I guess he wants something new!
Papa: Folks...the surprises just haven’t stopped...what is next???