Dueling Danzigs: The Theory of Two Danzigs

Now, there have been many speculations about the possible greatness of there being two Danzigs. To the average person this may seem like a fantastic thing, however two Danzigs truly spell disaster. The thought of there being two Danzigs is actually a very preposterous thing to the people who know how great Danzig is and what he is capable of.

At first one would think that having two Danzigs would be beautiful beyond belief, those who think this cannot understand how wrong they actually are. You would think that two Danzigs would mean more girls could become women quicker, wrong, wrong, and wrong! Two Danzigs mean that there would be two buff guys always fighting over who get to make what girl a woman, hence perpetual battles that would never be settled.

You see, Danzig cannot be hurt by anyone, not even himself. If Danzig fought himself the world would crumble from the excess of buffness. If there were two Danzigs flexing at one time, crystals would shatter, diamonds would revert back to coal, chickens would devolve into eggs...then where would we be?

Who would make girls women? Danzig or Danzig? There has to be a buffest person in order to keep the strength of his biceps adequate, if Danzig wasn’t making every girl a woman then he would unable to keep his chest so bulky. There would always be another Danzig sleeping with half the world’s mothers, and what about the sisters? All the sisters in the world need to be made women by a single Danzig, not several, otherwise she is merely a slut not a woman.

There can be only one, one Danzig, two biceps, one buff chest, and one Danzig voice for all the women to succumb to. I can’t stress enough how important it is to understand that there should never be more than one Danzig, it would be the end of us all. There would have to be billions upon billions of ordinary strength and buffness of men to equal one chest thrust of Danzig.

The theory of two Danzigs is a great fantasy but who wants to live in a fairy tale when we can experience a perfect world right here and now with one Danzig? Rejoice in the fact that Danzig will continue to make this worlds women fall to their knees for his great forearms.

--Dynomite

The possibility of two Danzigs is often regarded to as a misconception of the buffness belonging to not two, but only one Danzig. Sure, Double Buffness seems fun and eye-punching good but i fear that with double the buffness comes double the pain...

You see, if two Danzigs were indeed walking the earth, all other men would be left obsolete. What could you do with regular guys when you have Double Danzig? Girls would turn into women two-fold! That means more teenage pregnancies and even more abortions. If that wasn't enough, all of our cars would be benchpressed twice and deemed worthless. Buildings and mountains would collapse under the stomp of not two, but four Danzig boots. As Dynomite said, Danzig cannot hurt Danzig, and that would lead to Non-Stop battles resulting in the deaths of everyone and everything.

I say we accept the fact that there is only ONE Danzig, nothing more--nothing less. Danzig is Buff!

--Hunter

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