RP-Ikkou

 

 

The Drama CD

 

 

Script key code:

 

SC = Scene

INT. = Interior

EXT. = Exterior

CENTER NAME IN BOLD = whose speaking

(under name in bold) = action of character

Left hand text aligned = description of scene

Centred text = dialogue

*noises* = sound effects

 

 

Draft 1

 

 

 

SC 1. INT. RESTAURANT / INN –EARLY EVENING.

 

Sanzo Ikkou sitting at a table ready to order a meal or trying to while other booths are occupied by their stalkers.

 

NARRATOR

The Sanzo-ikkou continuing on their journey now find themselves

stalked not only by Ukoku and the Kou-tachi...

 

They now are joined several others from their past villains

and friends of the past who should by their own right be six

feet under, but by some miraculous unknown plot twist have

been revived as if to torment them all the way west…

 

 

*restaurant noises*

 

 

SANZO

(turning the page in the menu)

How the hell did those assholes beat us here?

 

 

GOJYO

They have flying dragons, Illustrious cars,

the gay love bus, and teleportation. We have Hakaryuu.

 

 

HAKARYUU

(growls)

KYUUUU!

 

*Thwack!*

 

 

GOJYO

OW!!! DAMNIT MONK! Only in private okay?

 

 

GOKU

Uuuuuuuhaaaaaaa?!?! Saaaaaaaaaaaanzo?

Since when?

 

 

SANZO

Don’t mock the ride or we’ll get stuck here with those assholes over there.

 

 

HAKKAI

He was teasing Goku… weren’t you Gojyo?

(glare)

 

 

GOJYO

(gulps)

 

 

*noises of the stalkers in the restaurant in idle chatter or weird spasm’s*

 

 

DOUGAN

(spazzing out while stabbing the meat on his plate)

kekekkekkkekekekkekekkekkekekkekekekekekeeee...

KILLKILLHACKHACK

 

 

HAZEL

(waving at Sanzo)

Sanzo-haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!

 

 

SANZO

‘Tch

(sighs)

Why are these assholes still following us?

 

 

HAKKAI

I believe it’s more you than us.

 

 

*protests from another table*

 

 

 

ZAKURO

But I am the almighty Lord Zakuro!!!!!

 

 

WAITRESS

I’m sorry sir that doesn’t mean anything here,

you still have to pay for your meal.

 

 

The door to the restaurant opens and Koumyou enters with Ukoku/Nii.

 

 

HAZEL

Golly they sure did arrive late this time,

Evenin’ Koumyou-san, Ukoku-san.

 

GATO

Hnn

 

 

Ukoku sitting down at a table with Hazel and Gato.

 

 

UKOKU

Evenin’

 

 

KOUMYOU

Kouryuu! Son!

(Koumyou runs up to the table)

Son!

(glomps)

 

 

SANZO

(whines)

Ojou-sama

 

 

A waitress approaches the Sanzo-ikkou with a pad and pen ready.

 

 

WAITRESS

Are you ready to order yet?

 

 

GOJYO

Sure are honey can I get the-

 

 

GOKU

(interrupting)

I want two servings of everything on the menu!

 

 

GOJYO

Oiy monkey no cutting in!

 

 

WAITRESS

(stammers)

E-e-everything?

 

 

HAKKAI

(smiles)

Terribly sorry miss, can you make that three servings just in case,

two handles of your tap beer, one wine and a soda please?

 

 

WAITRESS

Um… and how will you be paying for this?

 

 

HAKKAI

Sanzo can you show her the gold card I do believe she thinks we might dine n dash.

 

 

SANZO

I would if I could! Daaaaaad! Leggo please!

 

 

KOUMYOU

(still glomping the life out of him)

What took you so long to get here? Papa was so worried about you!

 

 

UKOKU

(running up to the table)

That’s it Koumy! Hold him down while I jab him!

 

 

SANZO

Like hell you’re jabbing me! Keep your drugs away from me, you asshole!

 

 

HAKKAI

(to the waitress)

Excuse me for a moment.

(to Koumyou)

While you're there, could you take Sanzo’s card please?

 

 

Dokugakuji, Yaone and Kougaiji sat in a booth watching the group.

 

 

DOKUGAKUJI

(laughs)

Well, nice to see they’re as active as normal.

 

 

YAONE

At least we caught up to them.

 

 

KOUGAIJI

How can we not? They continue to make shit time.

 

 

Hakkai is handed the gold card by Koumyou.

 

 

KOUMYOU

Here we go, Hakkai.

 

 

SANZO

Let go!

 

 

GOKU

(cries)

BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

(cling)

SAAAAANZOO DON'T LET THEM DO IIIIIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

SANZO

THEN BOTH OF YOU STOP HOLDING ME DOWN!

 

 

HAKKAI

(takes the card)

And can we book a Karaoke booth as well

(places the card on her tray)

and have the food and drink delivered there?

 

 

WAITRESS

Sure thing sir… we have a few spare booths you have the choice of 3, 9, 5 or 8?

 

 

HAKKAI

Well Hakaryuu what booth should we take?

 

 

HAKARYUU

Kyuu Kyuu Kyuuuuuu!

 

 

HAKKAI

(to waitress)

Booth three please.

 

 

Houran stepped up next to Dougan.

 

 

HOURAN

Master… I couldn’t book the inn that you wanted-

 

 

Gun going off inside.

 

 

SANZO

(gunshots)

Take that you assholes!

 

 

KOUMYOU

Kouryuu don’t you love pappa anymore?

(sobs)

 

 

SANZO

Shit dad I told you to let go!

 

 

HAKARYUU

(sighs)

Kyuuuuuu…

 

 

*teleporting sound*

 

Shien teleports in near Dougan.

 

 

SHIEN

I do hope they serve good tea here…

 

 

DOUGAN

jgreulhulihgera?

(hugs plate)

My steak! You can’t eat it!

(face slams in to plate on the food)

 

 

Zenon teleports in with Homura.

 

 

ZENON

I heard they had DDR here. I’ll catch you guys later…

Meeting up with Gojun he owes me a game and a beer.

 

 

HOMURA

Ooooh are they heading in

to the Karoke booth…Konzen….

 

 

Following the Sanzo party

 

 

DOKUGAKUJI

Kou why are you hiding?

 

 

*Kou sitting up in his seat*

 

 

KOUGAIJI

I’m not hiding! Nothing happened!

 

 

YAONE

I’m not sure I want to know…

 

 

DOKUGAKUJI

Look they’re gunna be singing badly…

We might as well join and listen.

 

 

Dougan pushes past racing after Sanzo.

 

 

DOUGAN

Masta Saaaaaaaaaaaanzo! Wait for me

Don’t leave me behind!

 

HOURAN

(bows at them)

I’m terribly sorry for my master’s behaviour.

 

 

Follows Dougan quickly.

 

 

 

SC 2. INT. RESTAURANT / INN. KAROKE BOOTH –EARLY EVENING.

 

Hakkai patting Hakaryuu.

 

 

HAKKAI

Okay it’s safe Hakaryuu you can turn in to

your human form now, it’s just us around.

 

 

HAKARYUU

Kyuuuu Kyuu!

 

 

*transforming jingle noise*

 

 

HAKARYUU

Kyuu… that’s much better

 

 

 

NARRATOR

For those playing at home Hakaryuu was taught to transform

in to a humanoid form by Dougan previously on their journey

 

 

*sounds of karaoke list being looked through*

 

 

GOJYO

Youkai butt sex song!

 

 

SC 3. INT. RESTAURANT / INN. ARCADE SECTION –EARLY EVENING.

 

Gojun stood in front of the DDR machine looking at Zenon both of them looking at the machine.

 

*arcade sounds in the background*

 

 

GOJUN

Are you ready Zenon?

 

 

ZENON

You’re on.

 

 

*DDR music starts up*

 

 

ZENON

You owe me a beer after this

 

 

*playing DDR sounds, jumping around on the machine*

 

 

GOJUN

MAX COMBO!!!!

 

 

SC 4. INT. RESTAURANT / INN. KAROKE BOOTH –EARLY EVENING.

 

Gojyo with the microphone in hand.

 

GOJYO

(singing)

There once were two youkai. Named Gojyo and Hakkai...

Then they discovered they they could have sex with another guy!

They were having buttsex! Youkai buttsex!

 

 

SANZO

(groans)

I don’t wanna hear this

 

 

Nii/Ukoku pulling out a large syringe

 

 

UKOKU

Then let me take the pain away.

 

 

SANZO

Get that the hell away from me!!

 

 

Gojyo clears his throat.

 

 

GOJYO

I’m singing here!

Ukoku hurry up and stick it in him!

 

 

Ukoku jabs Sanzo with the needle.

 

 

SANZO

GGGKKKHHHH!

OW OIY YOU ASSHOLE!

What the hell is in that crap?

 

 

UKOKU

(grins)

You’ll see… it’ll help you relax.

 

 

DOUGAN

MASTA SANZO!!! NUUUUUU!

 

 

GOJYO

(chuckles)

This is gunna be goooooood.

 

 

SANZO

That fucking hurt!

 

 

Ukoku twiddling fingers in Mr. Burns motion.

 

 

UKOKU

Eeeeeexcellent

 

 

GOJYO

How long does it take to work?

 

 

GOKU

SANZO!!! SANZO WHAT DID YOU DO TO SANZO????

 

 

Homura walking in to the room.

 

 

HOMURA

Konzen?

 

 

SANZO

(giggling)

HIII HOMO!!!

 

 

Homura sighs.

 

 

HOMURA

This is not the Konzen I remember…

Who did this to him…

and how much for those drugs?

 

 

SANZO

(child like cuteness, glomps Goku)

Waaaaai, Goku and I used to sleep together allll the tiiiiiiime!!

 

 

GOKU

(blush)

S-S-Sanzo…

 

 

UKOKU

(tosses Key to Sanzo)

There. Now, time to unlock Goku

 

 

*chewing on key noises*

 

 

HAKKAI

(chuckles)

Oh my… um I don’t think he’s suppose to eat it is he?

 

 

SANZO

(spits out the key)

I want something yummy!

(clings to Goku)

 

 

GOKU

Uuuuuaaaaaaahhhh… Sanzo

(whines)

 

 

UKOKU

I have cookies!

 

 

DOUGAN

(spazzing)

Kjghakgjhakdjgh!

 

 

UKOKU

Do you want to do some karaoke?

 

 

SANZO

(squeezing Goku harder)

COOKIES AND KARAOKE!?!?! WAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIII

 

 

SC 5. INT. RESTAURANT / INN –EARLY EVENING.

 

Koumyou standing outside the Karaoke booth looking at the little demon children.

 

 

KOUMYOU

Oh are all these children yours?

 

 

YAKUMO

Meet my youkai orphaned army of chibiness

GO MY MINIONS GO!

 

*children noises*

 

 

KOUMYOU

(glomped by children)

Oooff surrounded by cuteness!

 

 

DOKU

Um… hey kiddo

 

 

YAONE

Oh aren’t they cute?!

 

 

KOUGAIJI

Why is it attached to my leg?

 

 

*door opens*

 

 

HAKARYUU

Ummm Koumy… you should come in here and see th-

 

 

*children race past*

 

 

HAKARYUU

(cont’d)

This…

uh ooops heads up!

 

 

DOUGAN

(spazzing)

aklhaklhakjhk wwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!!!

 

 

 

 

SC 6. INT. RESTAURANT / INN. KAROKE BOOTH –EARLY EVENING.

 

 

Ukoku throwing cookies at Sanzo

 

 

UKOKU

Cookies and karaoke for all!

 

 

Lirin popping up.

 

 

LIRIN

You suuure do love Goku, don't 'cha Saaaaaanzo?

 

 

SANZO

(snuggling Goku)

YUP!

 

 

GOJYO

Hey there what took you so long?

 

 

LIRIN

I’ve been here all along… Watching…

 

 

KOUGAIJI

(from outside the door)

LIRIN THERE YOU ARE!!!!

 

 

LIRIN

Erk!

 

 

Koumyou walks in children attached to him.

 

 

KOUMYOU

Look at what I found! Aren’t they cute?

 

 

GOJYO

This is cuter look at Sanzo and Goku.

 

 

GOKU

Waaaaaai Saaaaanzo

(blushing)

What did you say Sanzo??? You love...me?????

 

 

DOUGAN

(sobs)

Master Sanzo what about meeeeee?!

 

 

UKOKU

C’mon Lirin say it with me FRENCH FRENCH FRENCH!

 

 

KOUMYOU

Awwwww!

 

 

LIRIN

(chanting)

French French French!

 

 

GOJYO

French Already

 

 

KOUGAIJI

NOOO! Where did I go wrong?!

 

 

YAONE

Maybe you should stop spending time with Homura in

the closet maybe she would have been brought up better.

 

 

KOUGAIJI

NOTHING HAPPENED I TELL YOU!

 

 

DOKU

(sounding unimpressed)

What happened now?

 

 

SANZO

Naaaa, French what's that?

 

 

GOJYO

I mean, do what I did to you at my birthday party, only with feeling this time. Got it?

 

 

HAKKAI

Gojyo you did what to Sanzo?

 

 

GOJYO

Eh-hehe… Uhhhh…. Nothing…?

 

 

HAKKAI

Now why don’t I believe you?

 

 

Koumyou takes the microphone.

 

 

KOUMYOU

Now now lets just have fun shall we. I’ve got the perfect song!

 

 

*music of B-52’s starts playing*

 

 

KOUMYOU

(sings)

I'll give you fish,
I'll give you candy,
I'll give you everything I have in my hand.

Give me, give back my man.
Give me, give back my man.

 

 

SC 7. INT. RESTAURANT / INN –EARLY EVENING.

 

*sound of sparklers or fireworks*

 

 

ENSUI

Whose infernal children are these?!

Get them away from my fireworks this minute!

 

 

YAKIMO

They’re mine do you have a problem with them?

 

 

ENUSI

These are not toys!

 

 

*loud arguing children noises*

 

 

SHIEN

URASAI!!!!

 

 

*silence*

 

 

YAKIMO

No need to yell…

 

 

SHIEN

Infernal children, interrupting me while I’m drinking my tea.

 

 

YAKIMO

I know where we’re not wanted c’mon kids…

(extreme gay voice)

LETS GOOOOOO!

 

 

ENSUI

Ugh…

 

 

Zenon and Gojun walking up to Ensui watching the children run past.

 

 

GOJUN

Ugh kids…

 

 

ENSUI

Good riddance.

 

 

YAKIMO

I heard that… GO MY MINI ARMY SMIT THEE!!!!

 

 

ENSUI

Oh crap.

 

 

*children giggles as they glomp on to Ensui*

 

 

ZENON

The place has been hooked up with my latest camera surveillance

I plan to make a good buck off the yaoi fanservice of the Sanzo party.

 

 

GOJUN

Ooooh Sanzo X Hazel yes please.

 

 

ZENON

What?

(shuddering noises)

 

 

HAZEL

(popping up)

Golly Mr God you approve of Sanzo-han and myself.

(flustered)

I’m flattered

 

 

ZENON

(more shuddering noises)

Mental images make it stop!

 

 

SHIEN

Oooh Zenon care for some Tea?

 

 

ZENON

Like hell who knows what you laced in it this time.

 

 

HOMURA

Now come now… no need to argue, lets join Konzen’s group in the

Karaoke booth… all of us… I’m sure it will put a smile on your faces.

 

 

ZENON

If not it’s worth a good laugh

 

 

SHIEN

The effects of the morphine should be kicking in soon.

 

 

ZENON

Just don’t go eating Dougan’s damn chocolate again.

 

 

SHIEN

I did no such thing.

 

 

HOMURA

Of course not Shien I did not see you on Zenon’s surveillance

flopping round on the ground going “I’m a fish”

 

 

SHIEN

It never happened. You can’t prove anything.

 

ZENON

(waving a dvd round)

Of course not and this blackmail I won’t have you doing

my laundry for a month if you don’t want it up on Youtube.

 

 

*Homura laughs*

 

 

HAZEL

Well golly I don’t imagine it’d get any hits because Sanzo-han and myself aren’t in it

 

 

SC 8. EXT. RESTAURANT – EARLY EVENING.

 

The sound of footsteps outside coming up to the restaurant.

 

 

BANRI

So this is where they are… Are you sure?

 

 

HUANG

Do you see any other gay love buses here.

If they’re not here then they were or will be.

 

 

BANRI

So I get paid from your boss lady for this surveillance right?

 

 

HUANG

Yes and all we have to do is compromise Zenon’s security.

 

 

BANRI

So she can watch from the comfort of the castle without leaving,

The ultimate form of laziness if you ask me.

 

 

HUANG

I’d prefer if you didn’t talk about my lady in such a fashion.

 

 

BANRI

Yeah yeah do I get an advance on this?

 

 

HUANG

And risk you running off no, that’s why we brought company.

 

 

BANRI

Just goes to show anyone can be bought these days.

 

 

SHUEI

Hey no one’s buy’s Shuei! I just fell asleep and got left behind.

 

 

NATAKU

I just want to play with Hakaryuu again!

 

 

A female voice clears from behind them.

 

 

BANRI

Hmmm? And who are you?

 

 

KANAN

I’m Kanan I was just wondering if you were some of the Sanzo-ikkou’s stalkers.

 

 

HUANG

Most definitely not! I do not stalk!

 

 

BANRI

That depends on your definition of stalk. I don’t

leer outside your shower if that’s what you mean.

 

 

KANAN

I was just asking me and this young man here, were looking to catch up with them.

 

 

YO

I’m Yo Master Sanzo passed through my temple where I was staying a year

ago and I was sent this way on a mission I just thought I’d like to say hello.

 

 

BANRI

(drawls)

How cute


SHUEI

We’ll lets go look inside them shall we!

 

 

BANRI

(getting pushed out of the way)

Hey watch it!

 

SC 9. INT. RESTAURANT / INN. KARAOKE BOOTH –EARLY EVENING.

 

*cliché Karaoke music playing*

 

 

ZAKURO

WHOSE ARE THESE INFERNAL CHILDREN

GET THEM OFF MY PERSON THIS MOMENT!!!

 

 

DOUGAN

You know that makes you sound like a pedo bear

 

 

*children laughter*

 

 

KINKAKU

I’m Kinkaku

 

 

ZAKURO

I don’t suppose they gave you the nick name Kinky then?

 

 

HAKKAI

That is a very Pedo bear comment

 

 

ZAKURO

I’m not a Pedo bear!

 

 

DOUGAN

Says you.

 

 

GINKAKU

I’m Ginkaku! We’re brothers Mr. Yakamo took us in when we were revived

 

 

GOJYO

Ooooooiy… Shhhhh Sanzo’s about to French Goku

 

 

LIRIN

THIRTY-NINE

 

 

KOUGAIJI

I much rather the sixty-nine

 

 

HOMURA

Now now Kougaiji… no sharing our closet actions.

 

 

DOKUGAKUJI

What happened now?

 

 

KOUGAIJI

NOTHING HAPPENED!!

 

 

GOKU

(whines)

Saaaanzooooo… this is embarrassing…

 

 

LIRIN

French French French!

 

 

DOUGAN

NO! NO FRENCHING!

 

 

SANZO

Waaaaai like this?!

 

*smoochy noises*

 

 

*several moments of stunned silence*

 

*cricket chirps*

 

 

HAKKAI

Very Good Sanzo

 

 

KOUMYOU

Oh my…

 

 

HAKARYUU

Oh… kyuuuu…

 

 

DOUGAN

DON’T LOOOOOOOOK!

 

 

HAKARYUU

Dou-chan I can’t see!!

 

 

*camera snaps*

 

 

ZENON

For extortion of the yaoi fangurls !!!!

 

 

LIRIN

I want a hundred copies!!!

 

 

SHIEN

Seriously Kougaiji what are you teaching that child?

 

 

GOJYO

That butt sex is good