This is a faithful narrative on how I, Andrew Eugene Wells, introduced one Buffy the vampire slayer
to her current boyfriend. I am so cool.
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*~*~*~*
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I stared in awe. He was magnificent. "You've come to get me?" I said, almost... ALMOST
breathlessly.
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"What's said is said."
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I gaped. It was just like I had imagined it.
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"A human statue then? How fascinating, but you did speak earlier, boy. Speak again."
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Boy? Ok, that was uncool, but hey... "You've... you've come to take me away?"
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"You already asked that. Do let's not be taxing."
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Apparently he didn't know who he was dealing with. Taxing is my middle name. Giles says so all the
time. Well, actually it was Eugene, as I said earlier, but that's beside the point. I had just wished
myself away to the Goblin City, and Buffy was going to kill me.
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I could not help an admiring look before we disappeared. A lot of guys couldn't pull off the full
leather bondage look. This guy could. It went well with his Spawn-alicious black cape and his super
gravity-defying hair that topped off his archy brows and severe eye makeup.
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He was so cool. Even cooler than Spike, but don't tell Spike I said so. It might hurt his delicate
vampire feelings.
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And half an hour later....
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Buffy stopped short as a swirl of wind blew the balcony doors open in her room in the rented house.
She was wearing her playful kittie jammies, she actually calls them that, and had a mouthful of
toothpaste that she was working with her toothbrush. All in all it was no wonder. She was working
her cute thing.
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Her look said there was some mojo afoot and a big freak had appeared. Said freak threw me,
Andrew, at her socked feet. She raised her eyebrows, but obviously could not say much with the
toothpaste in her mouth. She held up her finger in the universal gesture for 'just a second' and went to
the connecting bath. She could be heard spitting and rinsing.
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Buffy returned with a hand towel and wiped her mouth as she walked back in. "What's this? You and
your new boyfriend can't use the door, Andrew?"
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"He's not my boyfriend!" I hissed. Of all the times for her to attempt to be witty-sarcastic! "He's the
King of the Goblins!"
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"Goblin King." The king corrected.
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"He looks more like the King of the Motley Crue."
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He didn't say anything. And there was plenty he could have said... like the incantation to make her a
little slayer goblin. I watched her study him... the way she did with others often. She was sizing him
up.
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"And what? They don't have anything but crotch-hugging lycra where you come from?"
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GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY! "Buffy!"
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"What?"
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"Don't insult him." He's very powerful, couldn't she sense that? Why did she have to bring his crotch
into this?
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"So what's the sitch here? What'd you do, Andrew?"
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Crap.
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"Well, see, it's like this... I wished myself away to the goblins. Which I thought would be cool because
of the other things like fairies and elves and dwarves and stuff, but he doesn't want me anymore."
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Buffy just stared. I couldn't tell if she was pissed off, irritated, or both.
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"And there's this nasty bog that I almost fell in. And the goblins are all weird and stuff, so it wasn't
cool, so I started whining to come back and-"
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"Bloody hell!" The Goblin King interrupted. "I brought him back."
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"Let me get this straight.... you kidnaped Andrew, and now you're bringing him back?"
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"Yes."
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"You got a name, buddy?"
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"Jareth."
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"Well, Jareth, you break it, you bought it. No exchanges, no refunds. Bye, Andrew, have fun living
with the goblins."
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Jareth actually gaped.
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"I'm just kidding. Andrew does have his uses, believe it or not."
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I glared real nastily at her for that.
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She laughed, ignoring me and my pain. "My name's Buffy. I'm a vampire slayer."
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And she held out her hand.
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And Jareth took it in his... and kissed the knuckles on it.
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And the slayer smiled in that way she does.
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After that, the rest as the say, gentle readers, is history.
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One vampire slayer dating one Goblin King.
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All my fault.
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*~*~*
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end ficlet
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