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School Hard - Spike's Lines

A 1958 Dodge Desoto FireFlite crashes through the 'Welcome to Sunnydale' sign and screeches to a halt. Spike gets out, takes a deep breath and lights a cigarette.
Spike: Home, sweet home.

Vampire#1: Yes. This weekend, the night of St. Vigeous, our power shall be at its peak. When I kill her, it'll be the greatest event since the crucifixion. And I should know. I was there.
Spike:*You* were *there*? Oh, please! If every vampire who said he was at the crucifixion was actually there, it would have been like Woodstock.
Vampire#1: I oughta rip your throat out.
Spike:I was actually at Woodstock. That was a weird gig. I fed off a flowerperson, and I spent the next six hours watchin' my hand move...So. Who do you kill for fun around here?
Collin: Who are you?
Spike: Spike. You're that Anointed guy. I read about you. You've got Slayer problems. That's a bad piece of luck. Do you know what I find works real good with Slayers? Killing them.
Collin: Can you?
Spike:A lot faster than Nancy-boy there. Yeah, I did a couple Slayers in my time. I don't like to brag. Who am I kidding? I *love* to brag! There was this one Slayer during the Boxer Rebellion, and...Drusilla. You shouldn't be walking around. You're weak.
Drusilla: Look at all the people. Are these nice people?
Spike: We're getting along.
Drusilla: This one has power. I could feel it from the outside.
Spike: Yeah. He's the big noise in these parts. Anointed, and all that.
Drusilla: Do you like daisies? Hmm? I plant them, but they always die. Everything I put in the ground withers and dies. Spike? I'm cold.
Spike: I've got you.
Drusilla: I'm a princess.
Spike: That's what you are...Me and Dru, we're movin' in. Now. Any of you want to test who's got the biggest wrinklies 'round here... step on up. I'll do your Slayer for you. But you keep your flunkies from tryin' anything behind my back. Deal?
Drusilla: I can't see her. The Slayer. I can't see. It's dark where she is. Kill her. Kill her, Spike. Kill her for me?
Spike: It's done, baby.
Drusilla: Kill her for princess?
Spike: I'll chop her into messes.
Drusilla: You are my sweet... my little Spike.
Spike:So. How 'bout this Slayer? Is she tough?

Spike: Go get something to eat.... Where's the phone? I need to call the police. There's some big guy out there trying to bite somebody.

Spike: Nice work, love.
Buffy: Who are you?
Spike: You'll find out on Saturday.
Buffy: What happens on Saturday?
Spike: I kill you.

Sheila: Who are you?
Spike: Who do you want me to be?
Sheila: Did you see...
Spike: ...those two losers who thought they were good enough for you?
Sheila: What happened to 'em?
Spike: They got sleepy.
Sheila: Huh?
Spike: And you got something a whole lot better.
Sheila: Hey, wait up! What's your name?

Drusilla: Miss Edith speaks out of turn. She's a bad example, and will have no cakes today. Shhhh.
Spike: Darling, are you going to eat something?
Drusilla: I'm not hungry. I miss Prague.
Spike: You nearly died in Prague. Idiot mob. This is the place for us. The Hellmouth will restore you, put colour in your cheeks, metaphorically speaking, and in a few week's time...
Drusilla: The stars will align, and smile down on us.
Spike: And then, God, this town will burn.
Drusilla: A pretty fire!...They're preparing.
Spike: St. Vigeous is coming up. Should be a party.
Drusilla: You should go up with them and cleanse.
Spike: Dru...
Drusilla: The boy doesn't trust you. They follow him. I think sometimes that all my hair will fall out and I'll be bald.
Spike: Never happen. Alright. I'll go up and get chanty with the fellas, but *you* got to do me one favor. Eat something.

Vampire#2: We cut the power. Nobody got out.
Spike: And the Slayer?
Vampire#2: She either went that way... or that way. I saw two others.
Spike: You don't know?! I'm a veal kind of guy. You're too old to eat. But not to kill. I feel better.

Spike: Slaaayer! Here, kitty, kittyyy. I find one of your friends first, I'm gonna suck 'em dry. And use their bones to bash your head in.
Vampire#2: Spike! Listen...
Spike: (sing-song) Someone's in the ceeeeeiling!

Spike: Angelus!
Angel: Spike!
Spike: I'll be damned!
Angel: I taught you to always guard your perimeter. Tsk, tsk, tsk. You should have someone out there.
Spike: I did. I'm surrounded by idiots. What's new with you?
Angel: Everything.
Spike: Yeah. Come up against this Slayer yet?
Angel: She's cute. Not too bright, though. Gave the puppy dog 'I'm all tortured' act. Keeps her off my back when I feed!
Spike: People still fall for that Anne Rice routine. What a world!I haven't seen you in the killing fields for an age.
Angel: I'm not much for company.
Spike: No, you never were. So, why're you so scared of this Slayer?
Angel: Scared?
Spike: Yeah. Time was you would've taken her out in a heartbeat. Now look at you. I bet this, uh, tortured thing is an act, right? You're not... housebroken?
Angel: I saw her kill the Master. Hey, you think you can take her alone? Be my guest. I'll just feed and run.
Spike: Don't be silly! We're all friends. We'll do it together. Let's drink to it... You think you can fool me?! You were my sire, man! You were my... Yoda!
Angel: Things change.
Spike: Not us! Not demons! Man, I can't believe this. You Uncle Tom! Come on, people! This isn't a spectator sport!... Fe, fi, fo fum. I smell the blood of a nice ripe - girl.
Buffy: Do we really need weapons for this?
Spike: I just like them. They make me feel all manly...The last Slayer I killed... she begged for her life. ...You don't strike me as the begging kind.
Buffy: You shouldn'ta come here.
Spike: No. I've messed up your doilies and stuff. But I just got so bored. I'll tell you what. As a personal favor from me to you I'll make it quick. It won't hurt a bit.
Buffy: No, Spike. It's gonna hurt a lot.
Spike: Now, that hurt!...But not as much as this will.
Joyce: You get the hell away from my daughter!
Spike: Women!

Drusilla: Spike, did she hurt you?
Spike: It was close, baby, but...
Drusilla: Oh, come here.
Spike: A Slayer with family and friends. That sure as hell wasn't in the brochure.
Drusilla: You'll kill her, and then we'll have a nice celebration.
Spike: Yeah, a party.
Drusilla: Yeah. With streamers... and songs.
Spike: How's the annoying one?
Drusilla: He doesn't wanna play.
Spike: Figures. Well, suppose I better go make nice.
Collin: You failed.
Spike: I, uh... I offer penance.
Vampire#2: Penance?! You should lay down your life! Our numbers are depleted, the feast of St. Vigeous has been *ruined* by your impatience!
Spike: I was rash, and if I had to do it all over again...Who am I kidding? I would do it exactly the same, only I'd do this...
Collin: No!
Spike: ...first!...From now on, we're gonna have a little less ritual...and a little more fun around here... Let's see what's on TV.