Shattered Hearts
2nd March 2002
Hot water streams down over my body and mist fogs the mirror. A thousand silent tears roll down my face. Hidden from the world my tears can't be seen amongst the water and my sobs can't be heard above the noise of the shower. However there is no hiding the pain in my eyes. Nobody to share it with. Two years of my life, two years of other people's lives. Do I regret it? No. I don't know what emotion to feel first. I feel numb pain in my heart, my head doesn't know what it feels. I don't know how to deal with this right now. Saying goodbye has never been part of my vocabulary. How do you stop loving? I don't think its possibly and why should it be? Love is a good thing, it hurts sometimes but it is something to hold onto. To know that someone loves you in this world is enough to light your way. I guess nobody can see inside your head, so your thoughts are forever safe. You can love whoever you want in your head and there's nobody to tell you you are silly or wrong to. So I think I will keep love in my mind.
3rd March 2002
I know what he means now. In the early morning hours while it's still and quiet and you have been lying awake for hours thinking you can have moments of pure clarity and brilliant ideas, but it is also when the demons come. And mine reared their ugly head last night, images that made my heart feel physical pain, images so clear you start to think they are real. Even the thought of certain things right now brings tears to my eyes. I wonder if I will be able to handle it when those images become real.
