"My husband is now an owl, Master Chalk. I'd say it's an improvement." -Gertrude (Titus Groan)
"Angel Investigations, uh, we hope you're helpless- I mean-" -Doyle (Angel)
"Numfar! Do the Dance of Joy!" -The Host's Mom (Angel)
"It's not easy having a good time. Even smiling makes my face ache." -Frank (The Rocky Horror Picture Show)
"Let me introduce Mr. Honeychurch, a neighbor."...
Mr. Honeychurch: "How d'ye do? Come and have a bathe."
George: "Oh, all right." (A Room With a View)
Jhonen Vasquez
"Ooooh. Oh my God, its.....GOD!!" -Johnny
"They laugh at me when they read my stories, even though some of them can't even read." -Squee
"Mock me?! You fried cyclops!!" -Happy Noodle Boy
"That's all you'll ever be! A toaster!!" -Happy Noodle Boy
"These hands! I can't get them off my wrists!!" -Happy Noodle Boy
"How I envy those blessed with a stunning ignorance of the truth. Oh... To be truly happy. To be an imbecile." -Wobbly-Headed Bob
"Please admit that you are grossly deluded imbeciles. Only then can I help you." -Wobbly-Headed Bob
"I have seen the light. And it is me." -Wobbly-Headed Bob
"It's painful to think of how ignorant you must be. -Wobbly-Headed Bob
Do not look upon me with resentment. I'm just trying to make you less stupid. -Wobbly-Headed Bob
"Yumm! A cherry ice-sucky would be perfect right now. Though a poor substitute for human blood." -Jhonen
"Stand back mortal! I come in peace! Approach me, however, and I will destroy all that is good in your life! I desire ice sucky!!!" -Jhonen
"Heyyyy... Wait a minute. You're the devil, aren't you?"
"Nooo. I'm not the devil. Go away."
"Ohhh, come on. You're the devil."
"Glaargh! Blooogh! Yess! I am the devil! Damn you and your mighty word-probe!" -Jhonen and a sales clerk (A.K.A. Satan)
"Nothing stops me. Nothing rules me!! I am boss! I am..." *ring* "Hello? Oh, hi, Dan...Umm... The book'll be done soon! Two more days, I swear!! No, really." -Jhonen
Oscar Wilde
"Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much."
"A pessimist is one who, when he has a choice of two evils, chooses both."
"Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for the people."
"I sometimes think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability."
"Man is least himself when he talks in his own person.
Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth."
"Fashion is a form of ugliness so unbearable that we are compelled to alter it every six months."
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go."
"America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between."
"I live in terror of not being misunderstood."
"People who count their chickens before they are hatched act very wisely, because chickens run about so absurdly that it is impossible to count them accurately." (Letter from Paris, dated May 1900)
"I have nothing to declare except my genius." (At New York Customs)
"Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught." -Intentions
"Please do not shoot the pianist. He is doing his best." -Impressions of America
" 'I knew I should create a sensation,' gasped the rocket, and he went out." -The Remarkable Rocket
"I always pass on good advice. It is the only thing to do with it. It is never of any use to oneself" -An Ideal Husband
"Other people are quite dreadful. The only possible society is oneself." -An Ideal Husband
"Ah! Don't say you agree with me. When people agree with me I always feel that I must be wrong." -The Critic as Artist
"There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are well written, or badly written. That is all." -The Portrait of Dorian Grey
"The basis of optimism is sheer terror." -The Portrait of Dorian Grey
"When I was young I used to think that money was the most important thing in life. Now that I am old, I know it is." -The Portrait of Dorian Grey
"There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about." -The Portrait of Dorian Grey
"I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train." -The Importance of Being Earnest
"To lose one parent, Mr. Worthing, may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness." -The Importance of Being Earnest
"I'm glad to hear you smoke. A man should always have an occupation of some kind. There are far too many idle men in London as it is." -The Importance of Being Earnest
"London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years." -The Importance of Being Earnest
"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." -Lady Windermere's Fan
"I am the only person in the world I should like to know thoroughly." -Lady Windermere's Fan
"I can resist everything except temptation." -Lady Windermere's Fan
"The English country gentleman galloping after a fox - the unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable." -A Woman of No Importance
Bits of Conversation
"Stand aside, worthy adversary."
"It's just a scratch"
"But your arm's off!"
"No, it isn't!"
"Look!"
*looks* "I've done worse."
"You liar!!" -Monty Python and the Holy Grail
"After the death of her father-"
"He's not dead yet."
"Well, after the near-fatal wounding of her father-"
"He's getting better!"
*looks at knight and nods to father*
*bonk!*
"Now..." -Monty Python and the Holy Grail
"Don't try to bend the spoon; that is impossible. Instead, only try to realize the truth."
"What truth?"
"There is no spoon." -The Matrix
"Vampires don't come back from the dead."
"I did, and I saw her. I'm not crazy."
"Where?"
"Right between the clowns and the big talkin' hot dog." -Angel
Angel: "Hi."
Demon: "Hi. - You know you're not supposed to be here, right?"
Angel: "Yeah. What about him?"
*Angel looks over to the guy inside the burning cage.*
Demon: "Oh, him? Oh, he's supposed to be here. Do you have any idea how monstrous a guy has to be before he gets sent to us? We're a very high-end institution."
Angel: "And it's your job to keep him here."
Demon: "Yeah. (Offers his hand) I'm Skip."
*Angel takes the offered hand and they shake.*
Angel: "Angel. - So, ah, you live in here, Skip?"
Skip: "No. I commute. It's not too bad - about twenty minutes."
Angel: "Uh, what keeps him in the fire?"
Skip: "My will."
Angel: "How come he's not screaming in pain?"
Skip: "Oh, he is. My will prevents him from being heard. I mean there is only so many 'oh my god! The pain! Please make it stop!' that you can listen to before it starts to bug the crap out of you."
Angel: "I see your point."
Skip sniffs: "You're a vampire, right? (Angel nods) How come it smells like you work for the Powers That Be?"
Angel: "Cause I do."
Skip: "And you're here to try to - rescue this guy? (Angel nods) But we're on the same side. Shouldn't you be helping to keep him in here?"
Angel: "I know. I know. Long story. Involves a girl. I don't like it any better than you do."
Skip: "So I really can't talk you out of this."
Angel: "Sorry. I wish you could. I guess we just have to agree to..."
*Angel staggers back as Skip hits him full in the face.*
