Remake of Trunks/Android/Cell Sagas
By: Psyco Gotenks
It all starts when Gohan senses Frieza's power and Krillin calls.
Krillin: Do you feel that?
Gohan: Yeah. But how? I thought he was dead.
Krillin: I never lost hope.
Gohan: What?
Krillin: The king has returned.
Gohan: The king?
Krillin: Yeah! You know! Elvis!
Gohan: Elvis? No I mean Frieza.
Krillin: That's Frieza?! Damn! I knew it was too good to be true.
Gohan: Let's get to the place where he's going to land.
Meanwhile up in space...
Frieza: Ah! There it is! Planet Earth.
King Cold: What a boring looking planet. (Swirl Swirl)
Frieza: Father! Must you do that now?
King Cold: I'm sorry Frieza. (Swirl Swirl) It's a habit! (Swirl Swirl)
Frieza: Arrgh! Well I wish you would stop!
King Cold: By the way. (Swirl Swirl) Didn't your Saiyan friend tell you that this planet looked like a disco ball? (Swirl Swirl)
Frieza: Well I guess he lied. Why did I listen to him?! SAIYANS ALWAYS LIE!!
Soldier: Lord Frieza! We will be landing shortly!
Frieza: Excellent! (Laughs)
Back on earth the Z warriors wait for Frieza.
Krillin: (Looking at his watch again) Are you guys sure that he's coming? We've been waiting here for a couple of hours already.
Vegeta: Frieza enjoys taking his time. He wants to make a stylish entrance so everyone is surprised and scared. Shit! Why didn't I do that?!
Piccolo:(Appearing out of nowhere)Because you don't know how to!
Gohan: Piccolo! Wow! That was stylish!
Vegeta: Damn you Piccolo!
Piccolo: Look up! Here comes Frieza!
Yamcha: What?! Frieza?! That's it! I'm outta here! I don't want to die again!
Bulma: I hate it when you do that Yamcha! If you don't start acting like a man, I'll...uh...Leave you for Vegeta!
Yamcha and Vegeta: WHAT?!
Gohan: Wow! Bulma and Vegeta? Who'd have thought!
Vegeta: No way!
Piccolo: So I see, Vegeta. I didn't know you were 'that way'
Vegeta: WHAT?! I'LL SHOW YOU!!
Piccolo: Did you all forget about Frieza?
Vegeta: Oh! Right! Let's go!
Frieza and his men leave the ship and Frieza thinks he sees Goku and has a flashback.
Goku: I told you that you could never defeat me and now you have no chance at all. You cut off your lower half so now, you don't even have the balls to challenge me.(flies away)
Frieza: Damn that Saiyan! Just because his muscles are bigger than mine doesn't mean that I'm finished! Yes...fly off little Saiyan, being all shirt-offy and take this!(Frieza fires a blast and Goku finishes him off)
Meanwhile at King Cold's ship...
Soldier: Sire! We haven't found prince Frieza yet. Are you sure he's around here?
King Cold: Of course he'll around here. (Swirl Swirl) He just called me a while ago. (Swirl Swirl)
Soldier: Really?
Then King Cold had a flashback.
Phone: RING! RING!
King Cold: I'll get it. (Swirl Swirl) Hello? (Swirl Swirl)
Frieza: Hey father!
King Cold: Yes Frieza?
Frieza: WAAASSSUP!!
King Cold: WAASSUP!! (Swirl Swirl)
Frieza: WAAAAAASSSUUUUP!!
King Cold: WAAASSSUUP!!(Swirl Swirl)
Frieza: AHHHHHHHH!!
King Cold: AAAAHHHHHHH!! (Swirl Swirl)
Soldier: Are you sure that happened?
King Cold: You ruined my flashback! (Swirl Swirl) NOW YOU DIE!! (Swirl Swirl) (King Cold throws the Soldier out the ship)
Soldier: Sir, we can't seem to find Prince Frieza.(Thump)
King Cold: What was that?(Swirl Swirl)
Soldier: Oh...never mind. That was him...
King Cold: Bring him aboard.(Swirl Swirl)
A while later...
Scientist: As we speak, our scientists are working on Frieza. We can make him stronger, faster, and in everyway more powerful than ever before. I bring to you,(Curtains move) your new ride.
King Cold: ...You turned him into a car...(Swirl Swirl)
Scientist: Isn't that what you wanted?
King Cold: No you idiot!(Swirl Swirl) I wanted you to make him into an uglier, stupider looking android version of himself!(Swirl Swirl)
Scientist: Why uglier and stupider?
King Cold: I have to be the coolest looking one in the family.(Swirl Swirl)
Scientist: Well...why don't you check it out?
King Cold: (Walks around the car) Not bad...not bad at all.(Swirl Swirl)
Scientist: Feel the seats.
King Cold: Ooh!(Swirl Swirl) Soft!(Swirl Swirl)(Sits on the seats and honks that horn and La Cucaracha plays) My...Fav...(Swirl Swirl)(Drops his swirling cup and it brakes)
Scientist: Uh...Sir. Your cup...
King Cold: Don't worry.(Make swirling motions) I always keep a spare.(Pulls a cup out of nowhere and...Swirl Swirl)
Scientist: You must decide now whether to keep the car or get your son back.
King Cold: Hmmm...Frieza or car...Frieza or car...Frieza or car...I know!(Swirl Swirl) The car!(Swirl Swirl)
Scientist: Sorry, we already changed him back.
Frieza: You wanted me to be a car?! You are such a bad father! Take me to Earth now!
King Cold: Why should I?(Swirl Swirl) I never whine about going places.(Swirl Swirl)
Frieza: You do it all the time! Now take me or I'll destroy your swirling cups!
King Cold: To Earth! Hurry!
Back to reality...
Frieza: Now I shall destroy this planet and watch the Super Saiyan cry!(Laughs) Soldiers! Destroy the Saiyan's friends!
Just as the soldiers are about to leave...Trunks stops them.
Trunks: Ah, so you must be Frieza.
Frieza: Who's that? He's such a hunk!
Trunks: Now you'll die Frieza!
Frieza: So...you come here often?
Trunks: Excuse me?
Frieza: Oh, come on. I know you want me. You want to take me into that time machine of yours and bang me all night long!
Trunks: (Thinking) What's going on? Gohan told me that Frieza was the most evil tyrant that the universe has ever known. And now he wants to make hot love to me?! THIS IS TOO WEIRD!!
Frieza: Are you coming over here or do I have to make the first move?
Trunks: I AM NOT THAT WAY!!
Frieza: Don't lie. You'll appreciate me when I show you some Changeling love. I mean, LOOK AT THAT ASS!
Trunks: I don't have to listen to this. In other dimensions, I'm considered a teen heart throb.(Such as ours)
Frieza: Well, if you won't admit that you want this hot sizzling body, then I guess I have to force you. Foot soldier!
Soldier: Yes sir!
Frieza: Let's see what you got.
Soldier: Well, I really don't want to hurt that pretty face of yours but, I guess I have no choice.
The soldier fires the blast and Trunks deflects it and punches him out. Then he pulls out his sword and slices up Frieza's army.
Trunks: What did you think of that?(Smiles and a light shines off of his teeth and Frieza faints)
Frieza: Why don't you pull out your 'other sword' so I can (explicative) you all night long!
Trunks: (Thinking) Man! No one says that unless they mean it! HE DOES WANT ME!!
Frieza: So what do you say?
Trunks: Nobody likes you Frieza so I'm going to do everyone a favor by killing you!
Frieza: Ooh! Feisty! I love that!
Trunks: Well guess what? I'm canceling your date with Goku.
King Cold: What's a 'Goku'(Swirl Swirl)
Frieza: Father please! I'm trying to score some Saiyan booty!
Trunks: Well you're about to know what it's like to fight a REAL Super Saiyan...and I'm not talking about Goku!
Frieza: Oh puh-lease! Been there done that!
Trunks: (Goes Super Saiyan) Damn! I was supposed to take a couple of minutes to transform. And I had such a great chance to look cool for once...
Frieza: Hey, Super Saiyan. Tell me, is your hair the only part of you that turns gold? (Wink wink)
Trunks: SHUT UP!(Runs up to Frieza and slices him into many pieces and destroys them, then he looks at King Cold)
King Cold: You don't need to kill me.(Swirl Swirl) I'm not as perverted as my son was.(Swirl Swirl) I swear!(Swirl Swirl) I have an idea!(Swirl Swirl) Why don't you join me?(Swirl Swirl) Well?(Swirl Swirl)
Trunks: Man! That swirling is getting on my nerves!
King Cold: What swirling?(Swirl Swirl)
Trunks: STOP IT!(Begins firing in random directions until King Cold is no more) Whew! I'm glad that's over!(Spots the other Z Warriors) Hey! I'm going to see Goku! You guys wanna come?
Z Warriors: What?!
Gohan: How does he know where my dad is?
Yamcha: Maybe he's a stalker!
Vegeta: Or maybe he's just smart. I have to know who he is and how he looks so good. Oh yeah!
The Z Warriors follow Trunks and wait for Goku.
Vegeta: What are you staring at?!
Trunks: Well I...uh...like your shirt.
Vegeta: Of course you would! You can have it if you want!
Trunks: No thanks.
Vegeta: (Takes off the shirt and throws it at Trunks) No! I insist! I'd rather not wear a shirt anyways.
Yamcha: (Noticing Bulma staring at Vegeta) Damn! With his shirt off, Vegeta is irresistible to Bulma! If he plays like that then so will I!(Rips off his pants and everyone stares at him)
Krillin: Man! Yamcha! You could've at least put on some underwear today!(Everyone laughs at Yamcha)
Yamcha: Hey! Stop it! You're frightening 'The little desert bandit'
Vegeta: I see why you call it 'little'(Laughs)
Gohan: Piccolo?
Piccolo: Yeah?
Gohan: I was wondering, why didn't you go with the Nameks to their new planet. They are your people. Did you think it would be better to stay here?
Piccolo: Hell no! Did you think I would want to stay here and listen to a whiney bitch like you? C'mon! You should know me better than that!
Gohan: Oh...then why did you stay here?
Piccolo: I would've gone but that kid Dende just creeps me out.(Shivers violently) His eyes...are like a doll's eyes. Now do you understand? AHH! You have doll's eyes too!
Everyone turns towards Trunks because his watch begins to beep.
Trunks: Alright!
Gohan: Is my dad here yet?
Trunks: No.(Tosses out a microwave capsule) My burrito is done!(Everyone falls down)
Yamcha: Why is Bulma acting all weird around Vegeta all of a sudden? What does he got that I don't have?!
Krillin: A pair of pants and, hope to god, some boxers.
Yamcha: You're just jealous!
Krillin: Of what?
Yamcha: I have hair and you don't!
Krillin: You do know that I shave my hair right?
Yamcha: Yeah right! Baldy!
Krillin: And I'm taking this from a guy who's not wearing pants...
Trunks: Hey! Goku should arrive any second now!
Gohan: Alright! I can see his ship!
Everyone begins to cheer and suddenly stop when they look at the ship again.
Gohan: Uh...Mister. Are you sure that this isn't the EXACT location where he's going to land?
Trunks: Don't worry! He should pass over us any minute now....SHIT! RUN!!
Everyone begins to run except Chiaotzu.
Chiaotzu: Huh? Run from what?
Chiaotzu turns around just as Goku's pod crashes into him. Goku opens the hatch.
Goku: Hey! How's you guys know I was coming?
Tien: Never mind that! Get your pod off of Chiaotzu!
Goku: Huh?(Spots Chiaotzu's head stuck under the pod) Oh, he'll be just fine.
A couple seconds later, Chiaotzu's body stops moving and everyone gets the pod off.
Goku: So, how's you guys know that I was coming?
Piccolo: This guy told us.
Yamcha: Watch out Goku! He's a stalker!
Goku: ...May I ask why Yamcha is not wearing any pants?
Trunks: It's a long story. Can you and me talk in private?
Goku: I guess.
Goku and Trunks fly off.
Goku: So you beat Frieza all by yourself huh? Did he hit on you?
Trunks: Yeah, but now he won't ever do it again.
Goku: That's good. Frieza hitting on me was the cause of me going Super Saiyan.
Trunks: I thought it was because Krillin got killed.
Goku: That was half the reason. After Krillin exploded, Frieza started making kissey faces at me. That really got me going.
Trunks: Wow! I should have known.
Goku: I could have been here within a couple of seconds if I wanted to.
Trunks: Are you serous?!
Goku: It's a new technique I learned. I call it 'The Super Fast Flying Butt Attack' Cool huh?
Trunks: Don't you mean 'Instant Transmission' or 'Instantaneous Movement'
Goku: If that's what you want to call it. I like my name better.
Trunks: Whatever...Anyways, can you turn Super Saiyan at will?
Goku: Sure!(Goes Super Saiyan) Now what?
Trunks: Now we both be Super Saiyans.(Goes Super Saiyan)
Krillin: Wow! Look at that! They're both Super Saiyans! Hey Vegeta! I think they're making fun of you. No, look, they're both pointing this way and laughing!
Trunks: Let's see you dodge this!(Trunks swings his sword and stops before hitting Goku) Why didn't you try to dodge it?
Goku: Huh? What? Were you doing something?
Trunks: ...I'm going to swing my sword and I'm not going to stop, ok?
Goku: Ok.(Blocks Trunks' sword with his finger while brake dancing)
Gohan: Wow! Dad's stylish!
Vegeta: Damn that Kakarot!
Trunks: Wow you great! I guess I can tell you my secret.
Goku: Oh...wow...I'm sorry but I'm already married.
Trunks: What? Oh! No, no, no! My name is Trunks and I'm Vegeta's future son.
Goku: Really? Vegeta?
Trunks: Yup.
Goku: Wow...Who's have thought...
Trunks: I didn't come to tell you that. 3 years form now, 2 androids created by Dr. Gero are going to kill everyone.
Goku: What about me?
Trunks: You will die very soon.
Goku: What?! I knew I couldn't trust you!
Trunks: By a heart-virus!
Goku: Never mind...
Trunks: Take this when you feel sick.
Goku: Ok. By the way, who's your mother?
Trunks: ...Bulma...
Goku: (Laughing) Bulma?!
Trunks: Yeah...well don't tell them, ok?
Goku: Don't worry.
Trunks: It's like to chat a while longer but...(Looks behind Goku) I have to go now.(Runs away)
Goku: What's up with him?
Just as Goku said that, a bunch of women run by chasing after Trunks. Then the Z warriors catch up.
Gohan: What did he say?
Goku: I really can't say...nothing important.
Piccolo: Oh yeah? It sounded important to me!
Goku: You heard?
Piccolo: My pointy green ears do more than poke peoples eyes out ya know.
Goku: They do?!
Piccolo: Get a life Goku. Here's the important stuff...
Yamcha: Whoa! No way!
Piccolo: I haven't said anything yet!
Yamcha: Oops! Sorry! Continue...
So Piccolo tells the story...
Piccolo: ...And the other guy says," No, but you can stop standing on my feet now!" (Starts laughing like crazy)
Goku: ...I don't get it.
Piccolo: The guy was standing on his feet THE WHOLE TIME!(Starts laughing again)
Bulma: That's what that guy told Goku? What a lame joke!
Goku: That's not what Tru- I mean he said. He just said that in three years we've all going to be killed by androids. No big deal.
Bulma: WHAT DO YOU MEAN NOT A BIG DEAL?!
Goku: I'm supposed to die by a virus, it doesn't concern me.
Piccolo: But he gave you an antidote.
Goku: (Holds up the bottle) Oh, so he did...HOLY SHIT!! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!(Runs around in circles) WHY?! WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN TO ME?!
Piccolo: If we train we can beat them. Goku's Super Fast Flying Butt Attack should come in handy as well.
Everyone: His super what?!
Goku: I guess I should show it off.(Teleports away and back)
Krillin: That wasn't a butt attack...
Goku: Check it out!
Bulma: So what's the big deal? It's just one of Roshi's porno mags.(Smacks Yamcha) Stop staring!!
Goku: So I guess we'll all see each other in three years. And Bulma,...Ah! Screw it! I hope Vegeta gives you some nice monkey love!(Flies off)
Bulma: What was that supposed to mean?!
Yamcha: Well...maybe...heh heh...he's suggesting some sort of kooky 3-some!(Laughing pervertedly)
Bulma: With 2 guys?
Yamcha: Huh? What are you talking about?
Bulma: Just get your pants on!
Vegeta: (Takes off his pants) Here! Just take these!(Flies off)
Bulma: Whoa! What a man!
Yamcha: Damn him!
Vegeta: (Thinking) I still got it!
Moving on...
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