A Midsummer Night’s Dream

Tenchi , the duke of Athens, is planning the festivities for his upcoming wedding with the Amazon, Ryoko. The Ox King demands that his daughter Chi Chi marries Vegeta instead of the man she loves, Goku. If she refuses she will be put to death. Chi Chi and Goku make a plan to leave Athens and get married. They tell the plan to Chi Chi’s friend Bulma who loves Vegeta. To win Vegeta’s favor, Bulma tells him about their plans and, because he loves Chi Chi, he goes after them with Bulma following, whom he hates. Meanwhile in another part of Athens, six Athenians, Heero Yuy, the carpenter, Trowa Barton, the joiner, Duo Maxwell, the weaver, Wu Fei Chang, the bellows-mender, Zechs Marques, the tinker, and Quatra Roboba Winner, the tailor .
Heero: Is everyone here?
Duo: You better call them individually, according to the scrip.
Heero: Here’s the paper with every man’s name that is to play before the Duke and Duchess on their wedding day.
Duo: Alright Heero! Tell us what the play is and who we play as.
Heero: Our play is “The most lamentable comedy and most cruel death of Pyramus and Thisbe.”
Duo: Sounds good. Now tell us who we are.
Heero: Answer when I call you. Duo Maxwell, the weaver.
Duo: Ready! Who do I play?
Heero: You are Pyramus.
Duo: Uh, what is Pyramus? Is he a lover or a tyrant?
Heero: He is a lover who kills himself for love.
Duo: I will be so great that I’ll make people cry.
Heero: Wu Fei Chang, the bellows-mender.
Wu Fei: I’m here Heero.
Heero: You are Thisbe.
Wu Fei: What is Thisbe? Is he a wandering knight?
Heero: She is the lady that Pyramus loves.
Wu Fei: What?! A girl?! No, no, no. You see I have a beard coming...
Heero: So what? Just wear a mask.
Duo: I wanna play Thisbe too! I can do it!
Heero: No! You are Pyramus and Wu Fei, you're Thisbe.
Duo: Oh, all right. Continue.
Heero: Quatra Roboba Winner, the tailor.
Quatra: Right here!
Heero: You are Thisbe’s mother. Zechs Marques, the tinker.
Zechs: Here.
Heero: You are Pyramus’ father. I will be Thisbe’s father and Trowa Barton, the joiner, is the lion.
Trowa: Do you have the lion’s part written. If you do give it to me because I am slow at studying.
Heero: You don’t need to study. It’s just roaring.
Duo: I wanna be the lion too! I will make Duke Tenchi say “Roar again mister lion! Roar again!”
Heero: And you’d scare the ladies and we will be hung!
All: Yeah Duo!
Duo: No I won’t...
Heero: You only play Pyramus and no one but Pyramus. Got it?
Duo: Okay.
Heero: Here are the parts. (Hands out the parts) Meet me in the woods tomorrow night so we can rehearse.
Duo: Alright. See ya! (All exit)

The next night in the woods, the King and Queen of Fairies, Trunks and Washu , were arguing over who gets to keep the Indian boy.
Washu: Are you jealous Trunks?
Trunks; No. But I am your husband.
Washu: And I’m your wife. And you’re going along with Tenchi and Ryoko’s wedding?
Trunks: So what? I like Tenchi.
Washu: Uh-huh...
Trunks: Anyways, I just want the child to be my follower.
Washu: No! His mother died so I’m taking care of him.
Trunks: How long do you plan on staying in this forest?
Washu: Until after Tenchi and Ryoko’s wedding. Shall we go?
Trunks: Give me the boy and I will go with you.
Washu: Not for your kingdom! Let’s go Fairies. (Washu and Fairies exit)
Trunks: (Sounding angry) Ohhhh! That woman! Goten! Come here! I have a job for you.
Goten: Yes?
Trunks: There is a flower far from here. This flower will make any women or man fall in love with the next creature it sees. I showed it to you once. Go get it and bring it to me.
Goten: Okay! Be back in a few! (Goten exits)
Trunks: When I have this flower, I will use it on Washu and when she wakes up, she will fall in love with the next thing she sees. While she’s busy I’ll snatch her Indian child. Who’s that? I better watch.

(Vegeta and Bulma enter) Vegeta: Go away! I don’t like you so leave me alone!
Bulma: But Vegeta...
Vegeta: Look. The more you love me, the more I hate you!
Bulma: The more you hate me the more I love you.
Vegeta: The more I see you, the more I want to vomit!
Bulma: But I am sick when I don’t see you.
Vegeta: Why must you pursue me when you know I’ll never love you.
Bulma: To me, you are my whole world. Please, Vegeta.
Vegeta: Fine! I’ll run from you so you won’t find me!
Bulma: I will still follow you and I know that you will change your mind.
Vegeta: Just know that there’s no assurance that I won’t do you harm if you continue. (Vegeta exits)
Bulma: Aw...women weren't meant to chase after men, men should chase after us. But...I won’t give up! (Bulma exits)
Trunks: These Athenians...are such silly creatures. Don’t worry. He will seek your love. (Goten enters) Do you have the flower?
Goten: Here it is. (Gives flower to Trunks)
Trunks: Finally. (Gives a piece to Goten) Listen carefully. An Athenian women is in love with a man in these woods. Use this flower on his eyes so he will fall in love with her.
Goten: Fear not! I’m on my way! (They exit)

In another area of the woods, the Fairy Queen Washu falls asleep. Trunks comes near her and puts some of the nectar of the flower in her eyes.
Trunks: Please wake up when something vile is near.

In another area, Goku and Chi Chi fall asleep and Goten finds them, mistaking them for Vegeta and Bulma.
Goten: Finally! Here you go. (Put the nectar in Goku’s eyes) My job’s done. Now to return to Trunks. (He exits) (Bulma and Vegeta enter)
Bulma: Vegeta!
Vegeta: I told you, Stop following me!
Bulma: Please don’t leave me. (Vegeta exits) Oh...why does Chi Chi have to be so be so beautiful and I be so ugly? Huh? Goku?! Is he...dead? Goku! If you’re alive, please, wake up!
Goku: (Waking up) Oh my! Bulma! You are so beautiful.
Bulma: What?! I thought you loved Chi Chi. She loves you.
Goku: Chi Chi? No, not her. How could I be with her if you exist?
Bulma: Are you making fun of me? I love Vegeta, not you! (she exits)
Goku: Chi Chi justs sleeps there. How could I have loved her? I’ll just leave her here for Vegeta and go after Bulma. (He exits)
Chi Chi: (Waking up) Help me Goku! Huh? It was just a dream. Where’s Goku? I better find him. (She exits)

Meanwhile, near where Washu sleeps, the six Athenians appear to rehearse.
Duo: Everyone here?
Heero: This seems like the perfect place for our rehearsal.
Duo: Heero?
Heero: What now, Duo?
Duo: There are some things in this play that are bad. Such as, Pyramus draws a sword to kill himself, which may frighten the ladies.
Zechs: Oh boy...
Quatra: The killing should be left out, after all.
Duo: No way! Write a prologue telling that we are not dead.
Heero: Okay!
Zechs: What about the lion?
Quatra: Another problem.
Duo: What about another prologue?
Zechs: Then the people will know he’s not a lion.
Duo: And we should say that it’s only Trowa Barton.
Heero: Alright! What about the moonlight?
Zechs: Does the moon shine that night?
Duo: Does anyone have a calendar?
Heero: (Takes out a book) Yes it does.
Duo: Then we’ll use the window to shine the moon in.
Heero: Just in case, someone will represent the moon.
Zechs: What about the wall?
Duo: Someone will be the wall.
Heero: Alright! Let’s start the rehearsal.
Goten: (Passing by) Huh? What are they doing here? I’ll just watch.
Heero: And, start!
Duo: (As Pyramus) Where are you Thisbe? What? I hear a voice. I better leave. (He exits)
Goten: What a weirdo! (He exits)
Wu Fei: Do I have to?
Heero: Yes! And try to imitate a girl’s voice.
Wu Fei: (As Thisbe) Oh Pyramus! You are so handsome! I will meet you at Ninny’s tomb.
Heero: That’s “Ninus’ tomb!” You’re reading ahead!
Wu Fei: Sorry. (Clears throat) (As Thisbe) You are so handsome!

Duo and Goten enter.
Duo: (with a head of a donkey) (As Pyramus) I am only yours. Heero: AHHHHHHH! We better get out of here! (Heero, Wu Fei, Zechs, Trowa, and Quatra exit)
Goten: (Laughing) (Exits)
Duo: ...Why did they run? Are they trying to scare me?
Zechs: Duo! Am I seeing what I think I see?
Duo: What do you see? (Zechs exits)
Heero: I feel sorry for you! You are cursed! (He exits)
Duo: Now I see. They are jealous of my good looks and are trying to trick me and scare me. I will sing and they will know that I’m not afraid. (Starts singing in his terrible singing voice)
Washu: (Waking up) What angel wakes me? (Looks down at Duo) Oh mortal. Please sing again. You have a beautiful voice and, I must say, that I love you.
Duo: I think you must have a little reason for that.
Washu: You are as wise as you are beautiful.
Duo: Oh boy... um, I’d best be leaving now!
Washu: I love you and you are not leaving! My Fairies will attend you and do as you say.
Fairies: Hail the mortal!
Duo: Wow... This is different. I guess I’ll go along. (They exit)

In another area of the woods, Trunks wonders.
Trunks: I wonder if Washu has awaked. And what she will wake up to. (Goten enters) Ah! There you are. You seem to be in a good mood. Tell me, what did you do?
Goten: I changed an Athenian’s head into a donkey’s and right now, Washu woke up and saw him.
Trunks: (Laughing) That is good. Did you do the job I told you to do?
Goten: Of course!
Trunks: Ah! Here comes that man!
Goten: Here’s the women. But I don’t remember seeing this guy.

They see Vegeta and Chi Chi arguing until Chi Chi leaves and Vegeta falls asleep.
Trunks: (Looking at Goten) You idiot! You used the nectar on the wrong man’s eyes!
Goten: I’m sorry!
Trunks: Find Bulma of Athens and bring her here.
Goten: Right! (He exits)

Trunks applies the nectar on Vegeta’s eyes.
Goten: Bulma is coming! And so is the other guy!
Trunks: Stand aside. They will wake Vegeta up.
Goten: This should be good.

Goku and Bulma enter.
Goku: Bulma! Come back!
Bulma: Stop it! You’re annoying me!
Goku: Just know that Vegeta will never love you.
Vegeta: (Waking up) Oh my! Such a beauty wakes me.
Bulma: Oh no! Is everyone making fun of me?!
Goku: Vegeta! What are you doing? Bulma is my girl now.
Bulma: STOP IT!!
Vegeta: You can keep Chi Chi. I just want to be with Bulma.
Goku: No, you don’t.
Vegeta: Are you calling me a liar? Here comes your love. (Chi Chi enters)
Chi Chi: There you are. Why did you leave me?
Goku: Why should I stay if I don’t love you?
Chi Chi: What?
Goku: I do not love you. I love Bulma now.
Chi Chi: This can’t be true!
Bulma: Chi Chi. Please tell me. Is this a joke being played on me?
Chi Chi: I have no idea.
Bulma: How do I know that you aren’t part of this joke?
Chi Chi: Me?! How dare you accuse me!
Goku: Don’t yell at her!
Vegeta: Yeah!
Bulma: I told you to KNOCK IT OFF ALREADY!!
Chi Chi: Why have you become so rude Goku? And to your love too.
Goku: My love? I hate you. You are like poison to me.
Chi Chi: (To Bulma) Are you trying to turn them against me?!
Bulma: Now you accuse me?!
Goku: Vegeta. Let’s settle this. We will fight for Bulma.
Vegeta: Right. (Both exit)
Bulma: No! I can’t allow it! (She exits)
Chi Chi: Neither can I! (She exits)
Trunks: This is all your fault you know.
Goten: You have only your self to blame.
Trunks: WHAT?!
Goten: You just told me that he was an Athenian with a women.
Trunks: ....Fine. Then I shall fix this. I’ll create a fog so that they will all be lost. You put each with their women and use this flower in Goku’s eyes. Got it?
Goten: Don’t worry. I’m on my way.

Trunks creates a fog and Goten make Goku and Vegeta lost until they fall asleep. Then he applies the nectar to Goku’s eyes and put the lovers together. Meanwhile Trunks goes to where Duo and Washu are and watches until they fall asleep. Goten enters.
Trunks: Just in time. I’m going to cure her. Just watch. (Applies the nectar to Washu’s eyes) Now wake, my sweet Queen.
Washu: (Waking up) Trunks! Oh! What happened? I feel like I fell in love with an ass.
Trunks: Well there there he is.
Washu: AHHHHHHH! I was in love with that?!
Trunks: Seems so. Goten remove that head.
Goten: (Removes the donkey head)
Washu: Now, let us dance. (Washu and Trunks dance)

Morning comes and Tenchi, Ryoko, and the Ox King ride around.
Tenchi: (Spotting the four lovers) Who are these people?
Ox King: It’s my daughter and Goku and Vegeta and Bulma.
Tenchi: What are they doing here?
Ox King: I dunno.
Tenchi: Let’s wake them up. (Sounds the horn and they all wake up) Good morning. What are you all doing here? Please stand up. (All stand up) I know you two are rivals. But... I don’t get it. How did you end up here sleeping next to each other?
Goku: I have no idea. But we got to these woods when Chi Chi and I had a plan to leave Athens to avoid the Athenian law-
Ox King: That’s enough out of you. You know that Vegeta is to marry Chi Chi. Tell him Vegeta.
Vegeta: I did come here to win back Chi Chi but, I have no idea why but, now I only love Bulma.
Tenchi: All I have to say is that you can marry whom ever you want and you are welcome to get married today with Ryoko and I. Now let’s go back to Athens. (They exit)
Duo: (Waking up) Oh! My head... huh? Where am I? Heero! Wu Fei! Zechs! Quatra! Oh boy, I lost them. I sure had a weird dream. I thought I was a donkey then some weird, crazy woman with long, red hair wouldn’t let me leave. Then some Fairies treated me like a god. Then some weird looking kid took off my donkey kid. And then the Elf King started dancing on my head. Now I am here. I will get Heero to write a ballad of this dream and it will be called “Duo’s Dream” because it’s my dream. Better get going back to town. (He exits)

Back in Athens, the other guys wonder where Duo is.
Heero: Did you check at Duo’s house yet? Is he home yet?
Quatra: I already checked. He’s not there.
Wu Fei: If he doesn’t come, the play won’t go on will it?
Heero: No it won’t. He’s the only man in Athens who can play as Pyramus.
Wu Fei: This is a big problem. (Trowa enters)
Trowa: Duke Tenchi has been married and two other men have been as well.
Heero: If we don’t find him soon the play will be ruined. (Duo enters)
Duo: Hey! Am I late?
Heero: There you are! Finally! Where were you?
Duo: Sorry. I can’t say. Let’s go get ready. (They exit)

Meanwhile Duke Tenchi, Duchess Ryoko, and their butler Frieza talk. Ryoko: Those four really had a strange night.
Tenchi: I’m sure that they are so in love that they were just seeing things.
Ryoko: Yeah. Just a dream. (Goku, Chi Chi, Vegeta, and Bulma enter)
Tenchi: Here you all are. How are you?
Goku: We are just fine.
Tenchi: That’s good to hear. Bedtime is in three hours so how bout we see a play? Oh Frieza!
Frieza: (Stepping forward) Here I am Lord Tenchi.
Tenchi: Do you have the paper?
Frieza: Right here. (Hands the paper to Tenchi.
Tenchi: Let’s see... “The battle with the Centaurs, to be sung by an Athenian eunuch to the harp.” Nah! “The riot of the tipsy Bacchanals, tearing the Thracian singer in their rage.” No thanks. “The thrice three Muses mourning for the death of learning, late deceased in beggary.” O....K... “A tedious brief scene of young Pyramus and his love Thisbe, very tragical mirth.” “Merry” and “tragical”? “Tedious” and “brief”? This is strange! It may be interesting.
Frieza: You don’t want to see this. It’s embarrassing! The people who saw it themselves couldn’t stop laughing.
Tenchi: What are the people who do it?
Frieza: Just some workers.
Tenchi: Then we will see it.
Frieza: No Lord Tenchi. It’s nothing. Really.
Tenchi: We will see it anyways. (Frieza exits)

Soon the play started.
Prologue: We are not here to offend you. (Prologue exits)
Tenchi: I don’t see the point of that being said.
Zechs: (As wall) I am a wall. (Puts his thumb and index finger together) This is the hole that Pyramus and Thisbe talked through.
Tenchi: Here comes Pyramus.
Duo: (As Pyramus) It is so dark out. I will check if Thisbe is through this hole. Nope. She is not. I hate you wall for not having Thisbe behind you! (Hits the wall)
Zechs: Hey! Knock it off!
Duo: Sorry.
Tenchi: I think the wall should hit him back.
Duo: No he shouldn’t. Thisbe is supposed to deceive me. She supposed to come out next.
Heero: Oh no! He didn’t just say that did he?
Wu Fei: (As Thisbe) Oh Pyramus! (Everyone laughs at how funny Wu Fei looks) (Clears throat) Oh Pyramus! Where are you?
Duo: (As Pyramus) Is that Thisbe’s voice?
Wu Fei: (As Thisbe) Is that you Pyramus?
Duo: (As Pyramus) Of course!
Wu Fei: (As Thisbe) Kiss me through the hole in the wall.
Duo: Not in your life.
Heero: DUO!!
Duo: (As Pyramus) Uh, oh look! The hole is too small! (Zechs widens the hole) ....You're enjoying this aren’t you? Uh, how about we meet at Ninny’s tomb instead.
Wu Fei: (As Thisbe) Okay! (Duo and Wu Fei exit)
Zechs: I don’t have a purpose any more so away I go. (He exits)
Ryoko: This is one of the silliest things I have ever seen!
Tenchi: That goes double for me. Here comes a man and a lion.
Trowa: (As lion) Just to let you all know I am not a lion. Okay?
Quatra: (As moon) This lantern is the moon. I am the man in the moon!
Tenchi: Now another weirdo comes out.
Vegeta: What silly people!
Wu Fei: (As Thisbe) Here’s the tomb, where’s my love?
Trowa:

Roar.

Heero: LOUDER!!
Trowa:

ROAR!!

Wu Fei: AHHHHHHHH! (Runs away dropping the mantle)
Heero: Wow. That was good.
Vegeta: Good lion!
Tenchi: Run Thisbe! Run! (Lion worries the mantle)
Goku: Here comes Pyramus.
Duo: Where is Thisbe? What?! Oh no! This mantle is stained with blood! Thisbe is dead! (Pyramus stabs himself) Now I die. (Falls down)
Tenchi: Well I guess Pyramus is now...
Duo: (As Pyramus) Now I’m a spirit in the sky! And I’m still dead!
Heero: Just fall down Duo! (Duo falls down)
Wu Fei: (As Thisbe) Asleep my love? Why are you asleep? You must be stupid. Why is this sword sticking three feet out of your back? You’re dead! So sad. I better kill myself too. (Thisbe stabs herself) Now I am dead. (Falls down)
Tenchi: What a nice play.
Duo: (Standing up) Would you like to see the Epilogue Lord Tenchi?
Tenchi: No thanks. You are all honorably discharged so just leave. (The guys leave) Well it’s time to go to sleep. Have a good night. (They exit)

Trunks, Goten, and Fairies enter.
Trunks: Now fairies. Just wander around until day. (All but Goten exit)
Goten: To the audience. Just think of this odd parody of the play “A Midsummer Night’s Dream” as if it were a dream. All these visions actually happened (I think) and now this story ends.

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