At first it was color; of the blue-gray. Then it was the blue, then the gray.
I learned, recognized, and distinguished. I learned to learn. That was the hardest and the
most joyful. It was beautiful to see the blue and the gray as separate, not as one.
I felt the separate was the most ideal.
Then, I learned to create. Not from nothing, but from what I had; the blue and the gray.
After I had separated them, I realized how each worked. There was more to the blue
and gray then just the blue and gray. I could take the blue or the gray and create new colors,
new joys. I figured out how to darken and lighten the colors. I learned to move the range
from black to white, dark blue to light blue. Ah, what a joy with new discoveries.
Then I remembered. Wow! I had never thought that I could actually remember.
It just happened. It was beautiful. I was just there, playing with my blues and grays,
and thought about bringing two colors together. In my vision I saw a plane blue-gray and felt
as though I had been here before. I could not believe it. I visualized
this place I had been before, aside from the vision I had at the present. I realized that I was
remembering. I had past and present. I had time. I stopped playing with my colors
and started to remember everything I had done from the time blue-gray, through seperation
and up to remembrance. I kept repeating the game over and over and over. It was facinating.
Then, after a while, I noticed that the remembrance always stopped at the same point.
It was a circle---no, a spiral, for I could remember from the time of the blue-gray to the time of
remembrance, and I could remember remembering the different times. Yet I could not remember
anything after remembering. So, I labeled each of the times I could remember. There was the time
of the blue-gray, that I could remember. the time of seperation, I to did remember. I could also
remember the time of creation. That was the best time in my time of remembering. And of course
there was the time of remembrance, but that was all I remember. There was nothing else.
Nothing after that, other than the remembering of remembering (but that goes with remembering).
I stared to wonder why if I could remember remembering, I could only remember up to
the time of rememberance.?
I started to feel the same as I did at the beginning. That feeling that I had been here before.
Why couldn't I remember being here before? I remembered the time of blue-gray and then the
time of rememberance. I realized that they. Both times I was not moving, times in which
I was only living in the moment and not creating as I was in the other times. I had come
full swing in this silly cycle again, though this time, I had the concept of creation. So, I labeled
it the era of beginning, and if I wanted to remember anything else, I would create the memories.
So, I labeled the new era: The Era of Creation. I was happy with everything I discovered.
I went straight back to my blues and grays, and began to play again. It was fun at first, as I would
play I would remember a shade of blue or a shade of gray and tried to create it again. It was
exhilarating, playing in the present and remembering the past. Though after some time, it became
boring. I was becoming aware that I was not creating anything new. I realized that I was only
Mimicking the past. I was not going anywhere.
I had no future. I knew not what to do.
I played with the colors more feverishly. I would run them quickly through my vision.
Light blue to dark blue, white to black, switching the intensities and the tones.
I kept going and going. I felt depressed. Was there nothing else? Had I come
to an end? I remembered the beginning, and now I had come to an end.
There was not a spiral, only a circle.
I stopped playing with my colors. I wanted to break free, free of the cycle,
but to where?
At times, as I sat in the blue-gray haze, I would remember. Remembering often, and then
less and less each time. I slowly faded away into my bluish-gray sky. It came to a point
where I remembered no more, so I just sat softly in the blue and in the gray.