AS OF ***10-00-02 (ish)***




added to:
***04-10-03*** - added a new section.... Kara quotes.
***04-09-03*** - 2 to My quotes, Eric quotes
***04-08-03*** - my quotes
***04-04-03*** - my quotes. and wow is this one bad.
***04-03-03*** - Drew Quotes
***04-02-03*** - Other peoples quotes
***04-01-03*** - my quotes
***07-??-03*** - mine
~~~~~Quotes From someone Older And Wiser Than Myself~~~~~


Hope not, lest ye be disappointed

A day without sunlight is like night

If i'm not confused, i'm not paying attention.

Was today really necessary?

Take my advice, I don't use it anyway.

If you think sex is a pain in the ass, you're doing it wrong

Sex is like a bridge game: If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand

I may be fat, but you're ugly - I can lose weight!

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer

Having a Smoking Section in a restaurant is a little like having a peeing section in a pool

God invented women because he wanted a good laugh

Life's a bitch... and mine just had puppies

Gravity doesn't exist... Earth sucks

A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't.

I'm not overweight, I'm undertall

42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot

I dont like to be called a loser! I tried, that makes me a failer!

A flying saucer is what happens when a nudist spills his coffee

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight

If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either.

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick, not wounded, dead.

You know who i hate most... others

Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup.

I have been described as a lighthouse in a bog: Brilliant but useless.

Pi R squared. Nooo! Pie R round, cornbread R square

You can tune a guitar, but can you... tuna fish?!

Life is not a cabaret. It's a fucking circus

~~~~~Me Quotes~~~~~


What's the worlds largest biggest piece of paper airplane (me)

Reese's Pieces; the worlds softest hardshell candy (me)

I'm not fat, I'm just... top heavy (me)

Down Syndrome patients do not live as long as humans (me) (don't get mad it was a mistake!)

My tongue is stuck in my mouth! (me)

It looks like they impaled a hermit (me)

how do you do a bibbleburfy? (me) (bibliography)

[okay, brace yourselves because this might be the stupidest thing to EVER come out of anyone mouth... ive warned you...]
i have a new theory about life... although... it's not really a theory... and it's not about life... it's more of just an idea i had...
[I then proceed to explain how i think escalators could be handicap accessible... finishing my rambling with...]
but i guess those would just be stairs... damnit (me)

Silly bastard, Trix are for kids (me)

I hate small year olds! (me)

William Shakespeare, a well-known play writer, wrote many well known plays, such as Romeo and Juliet and Hamlet. (me)

The things we choose we choose because people touch them lots. (me again)

A half a page typed...! that's like two pages typed (me)

What do you think is the best weight of something, to throw it the farthest... you know, not too heavy but not too short (me)

Skittles don't fill you up, they just tide you over 'till the next one (me)

Clamps... or vices... or whatever you call those things... if you were in Britain you would call them pinchers (me)

do they sell things in canada? (me)

I never thought the day would come when i go through canadian customs with a swod in my hand (me)

I'm in one of those dazed and confused ... days. (Me) i can never take a shit in a deep hole cause freaks will grab my ass! (me)

I wish all windows were doors (me)

why dont clouds pop when you go through them? (me)

I hope we arent far from here (me)

What is voidware... and why is it prohibited?

Dude that plane is flying (me)

Me: When is it your birthday?
Eric: July 21
Me: ...when is that?

Me: last night i was laughing and milkshake came out my nose.... i've never had a solid come out my nose before..
Eric: [sarcastically] yeah, since thats a solid...
Me: Well it is... as far as liquids go

Eric: Pluto, thats the Roman name for Hades...
Me: No, it's not, thats a moon

Eric: I didn't know deer lived in herds.... i thought they traveled in families
Me: Deer don't travel.... they just jump

Eric: ...hear that?
Me: hear what?
Eric: that...
Me: oh that... no

Eric: Chocolate has positive health effects?
Me: ya, it lowers your brud pressure.

charlie: Louisiana should be shot (tosses the louisiana quarter on the table)
miquela: god, this quarter sucks
charlie: all it has is the u.s. and a pelican
miquela: ya, it has something to do with the louisiana purchase
me: (in all seriousness) they bought a pelican?

[it went something like this]
Ritchie: should i put the ice in the cooler in the bag or out of it
Spencer: out of it, ice promotes condensation
Me: and a monkey
Spencer: What?
Me: ice promotes a monkey
Spencer: WHAT? no it doesnt
Me: yes it does, how do you think a monkey becomes HEAD monkey?
Ritchie: What are you talking about?
Me: ice promotes a monkey...ok listen, a monkey is swinging around in a tree when it sees a tourist with a cooler... he steals a bag of ice from the cooler and takes it back to the other monkeys... the others think it is a miracle of god, thus promoting him to HEAD monkey
Ritchie: but the monkeys ice would melt on the way back!
Me: thats why they have tails!
Ritchie: what?
Me: to go...
[10 minutes of fight pass, during this time ritchie has gone to get a magazine and come back to...]
Spencer: ICE DOES NOT PROMOTE A MONKEY! DAMNIT, GREG!
Me: YES IT DOES!!!
Spencer: look wouldnt the ice hurt the monkies and scare them cause he is cold. and either way it isnt the ice promoting a monkey. its the other monkeys promoting the monkey.
Me: true... FINE, ice HELPS promotes a monkey. but then, you could say the same about condensation.

[Watching Lord Of The Rings]
Drew: The ring would be a good thing to have if it werent evil, it cant be broken
Me: Ya, your finger could never be split in half longwise...

Me: I like bunnies. I like milk... I like... bunny milk.
Drew: Did you ever see the Simpsons where --
Me: THAT IS SOMETHING GOOD TO SAY! If someone says I like bunnies and then they say I like milk you should say, "Do you like bunny milk?"

spencer: do you like garlic?
miquela: I like garlic
spencer: do you ever just eat it?
Minaka: there is a place in Japan to just go and eat it
lauren: im not picky about my garlic
Me: Vampires are bad...

Drew: You ever notice how milk tastes good after you eat a dairy product?
Me: ...like bread?

Eric: did you know that they didn't want to animate the entire human army in the Lord of the Rings so they just gave them all Artificial intelligence and let them fight and when they started it, all the humans ran away.
Me: Those are some intelligent artificials.

[Eric (playing bass in akward position)]
Eric: It's hard to play the bass like this
Me: ...uhhh
Eric: oh shut up, dont pull that crap, you hear exactly what i said
Me: no i heard you, but while i was thinking of a response i forgot what you said
Eric: I said, it's hard to play the bass like this
Me Oh... ... ... ... ok...

Eric: where do you want to go eat dinner?
Me: Walgreens...

Dude that plane was flying! (me)

peanuts are the most perverted nut (me)

Eric: I got a speeding ticket today...
Me: you got a speeding ticket?!...
Eric: yeah...
Me Why?

What part of "What part of NO dont you understand", dont you understan? (me)

thats like never ending abundancy (me)

...Aboñancy... (me)

I have enouph fat to make a whale-rus jelous (me)

Me: what that big word... starts with a C?...
Passov: Factoring?
Me: yeah, thats the one.

[playing Halo with like 5 or 6 other people in a hotel room after the wrestling state finals]
me: i cant stand it they keep sneaking up on me
whoever said this: what the rockets?
me: no the walls!

[holding a slinky on my head]
hey look im George Jefferson!

Dont get in a fight with Cody, he will win every time. Thats a good thing to remember when you are being shuved fase first into a locker. (me) (and i would very much like to thatnk Cody for not killing me.)

Eric: Anyway so i was walking around in the woods and i had this sword tied on my belt loop so i looked like a mideval...
Me: ...Fag

there isnt enough jello here to feed a mouse... and mice dont eat jello (me)

eric: [turns up music in my car]
Me: [turns down music in my car]
eric: why dont you want to listen to music, do you just like listening to the wind?
Me: i do i just want it in the background
eric: well what do you want in the foreground.
Me: ... ... ... wind.

~~~~~Eric Quotes~~~~~


There are like 4 letters that start with "Q" (Eric)

I dont talk about water... (Eric)

There are no "L's" in "Kellerman" (Eric)

Hey, you have to break a few omelets to make an egg (Eric)

when you mess with me you better be prepared for some low blows... cause i'm blowin' low (Eric)

[writing upside down in my algebra book on the other side of the table]
I will eat your chilBren (Eric)

Thats an uppercase lower "s" (Eric)

[while watching one off the school basketball games]...
Me: Eric look!
[without any hint as to what i was going to say...]
Eric: Ya i know, he has two different shoes on.

(To see the time you sent a message using AIM, just hit F2...)
(me) Ozzman Cometh RR (7:15:26 AM): i have a big everything
(Eric) VampyreNsfrt (7:15:26 AM): you have a big everything

i can show something even cooler to do with a straw (eric)

Firefightermen... (eric)

OK so i was trying to look cool for the mailman... (eric)

Im going to be Mcdonnalds poppin' Mc Rocket (eric)

(looking in the mirror holding a sword)
Eric: Now THATS an anime charecter!
(playing guitar) Me: dude... put your shirt back on.

DUDE MY WEINER IS OUT! (eric)

Eric: here, i want you to break this stick on my back
Me: no... dumbass
Eric: i want you to hit me with this stick as hard as you can
Me: Eric, NO.
Eric: [Hands stick to me] Whats the matter pussy
Me: [Looks up and down the street...] Whatever....
[CRACK]
Eric: UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGH!!!!! FUUUUUCK!!!!!

~~~~~Anna Quotes~~~~~


Bunnies dont have milk (Anna)

Eric: I'm not watching any movies with Keanu Reeves in it!
Jenn: (joking)...It's not Keanu Reeves... it's his...cousin.
Eric and Jenn: har har har!
Anna: No, he's in it.

Me: Talking to you is like talking to a brick wall
Anna: Why?
Me: I don't know... because you remind me of a brick wall...?

AnnaBanana1574: nvm
Ozzman Cometh RR: ...no....
Ozzman Cometh RR: tell me.
AnnaBanana1574: tell you waht
Ozzman Cometh RR: nvm
~~~~~Kara Quotes~~~~~


Ozzman Cometh RR: i was going... but i hate the world, so now i wont
SweetKaramel619: why the world..why not jsut eric
Ozzman Cometh RR: because the world is more dramatic.... and i do
SweetKaramel619: whatever suits you
Ozzman Cometh RR: it sucks. well more like i hate people
Ozzman Cometh RR: in general they are all bad
Ozzman Cometh RR: but whatever, thatis a stupid way to think about things
SweetKaramel619: im a bad person?
Ozzman Cometh RR: I LOVE MY CAT!!!!
SweetKaramel619: ouch. greg. ouch
SweetKaramel619: cats are devil spawn
Ozzman Cometh RR: i said in general... as to sagve my ass when put in this position
Ozzman Cometh RR: NOOOO! NOT MY MINION!
SweetKaramel619: better be in general
Ozzman Cometh RR: Minion is the best cat ever.
SweetKaramel619: minions a little person..but they dont count anyways either
Ozzman Cometh RR: minion is a cat...
Ozzman Cometh RR: and i ruv him dearly
SweetKaramel619: sure greg.....call him a cat
Ozzman Cometh RR: well that is better than the alternative.... sometimes to freak people out i pet my hand and say "thats a good minion"
Ozzman Cometh RR: so you choose. is minion a cat or my hand
SweetKaramel619: either way youd be admitted.
Ozzman Cometh RR: MINION is soooooooooooooooooooo much cooler than anyone ever could be
Ozzman Cometh RR: things that cant talk kick ass
SweetKaramel619: like walls?
Ozzman Cometh RR: no.... like cats....
Ozzman Cometh RR: talking to walls is no fun
SweetKaramel619: to you it may not be
Ozzman Cometh RR: talking to a cat is so much more satisfying
SweetKaramel619: you dont talk dirty to your cat do you? please say you dont
Ozzman Cometh RR: when i havent brushed my teeth
Ozzman Cometh RR: i made a funny
SweetKaramel619: ..............go brush your teeth.
Ozzman Cometh RR: now? im not ready to go to bed yet
Ozzman Cometh RR: i cant
SweetKaramel619: yea i know, just dont talk dirty to your cat till im done talking with you
Ozzman Cometh RR: it will throw off my syste,
SweetKaramel619: o god no we cant let that happen
Ozzman Cometh RR: well if we are looking at it like that my at isnt the only one im talking dirty too
Ozzman Cometh RR: so we better drop this game
SweetKaramel619: right now
Ozzman Cometh RR: but my cat is cooler than any person
Ozzman Cometh RR: im convinced
Ozzman Cometh RR: i mean he just sits there.... how cool is that
SweetKaramel619: as cool as the wall not moving
Ozzman Cometh RR: BUT ITS A CAT NOT MOVING
SweetKaramel619: i can do that
Ozzman Cometh RR: thats cool
Ozzman Cometh RR: wow. i think i have to put this convo on my profiel.. its pretty weird
SweetKaramel619: thats what i told my therapist....he didnt agree
Ozzman Cometh RR: heh
SweetKaramel619: god i rule
Ozzman Cometh RR: should i put the entire convo on there i just little snibbits
SweetKaramel619: THE WHOLE THING
SweetKaramel619: dedicate it to the wall and that cat
Ozzman Cometh RR: i dont dedicate crap. i just put it one.... and thats that.
SweetKaramel619: damn...
Ozzman Cometh RR: but i will do this
Ozzman Cometh RR: i will leave this as part of the convo
SweetKaramel619: ill have to tell my wall
Ozzman Cometh RR: so you dedicated it
SweetKaramel619: awsome

SweetKaramel619: thats so jbberish to me....it looks like GREG: i have to bla bla bla bla bla de da la

SweetKaramel619: no
SweetKaramel619: ok*
~~~~~Drew Quotes~~~~~


You have the batwheels hotmobile car?? (Drew)

I just thought that... well actually I didn't think it just... I didn't think it as in opinion I thought it like an idea as in it came to me ... poop rhymes with soup (Drew)

Eric: If you were on a bus full of gay men would you get off?
Me: I would get off... the bus...
Drew: The correct answer is no.. you wouldn't get off... and... well... it depends on what kind of bus it is.

Me: ill see you one the dark side of the moon
Drew you better bring a flashlight

(me) Ozzman Cometh RR: Have you seen the ring?
(Drew) Dreeeeeeeeew: where's that confounded ring

~~~~~Augie Quotes~~~~~


Hey i try, but at least i don't try (Augie)

Eric: Hey, is it possible for it to snow on the equator?
Augie: Yes... wait... north or south?

Mrs. Pahde: Augie...?
Augie: [Waking up] Huh...?
Mrs. Pahde: Were you sleeping?
Augie: No... i was just, sleeping.

~~~~~Adam P. Quotes~~~~~


[this is the most random and pointless thing i have ever heard someone say without trying to be a moron!]...[ordering food at a mexican restraunt...]
can i have a tacos de cameron... and some mushrooms, oh wait i dont want mushrooms, i dont even like mushrooms, well i do but..... can i have a rootbeer instead? (adam p.)

[holding a blue towel...]
who's purple blanket is this? (adam p.)

Spencer: you have carpet everywhere in your house
Adam P: ya except in the basement where i have a centimeter thick layer of carpet

[talking in his sleep]
Polga tell Carlos to leave me alone (adam p.)

~~~~~Adam K. Quotes~~~~~


Meester i want you to know that if it wasn't for a series of coincidences in the space-time continuum, you could be my father! (adam k.)

when i was a kid my favorite super hero was the dow scrubbing bubbles! (adam K.)

The closest thing i've ever had to a girlfriend is my nintendo (adam k.)

~~~~~Billy N. Quotes~~~~~


What denomination are you, Christian, Catholic...? (billy Noojin, the dumbest person alive)

does a condom go over your balls? (Billy Noojin)

The Torah and the bible are the same thing (Billy Noojin)

~~~~~Andrew F. Quotes~~~~~


Andrew F: I went pond diving
Andrew B: Diving for what?
Andrew F: Water...

Eric: I think i'm gonna blow up the world....
Andrew: Please don't... I live there....

~~~~~Joe Quotes~~~~~


[Performing shakespeare's "hath not a jew eyes" speech in front of the class (take one)]
Joe:... fed with the same food, healed with the same weapons...

[Performing shakespeare's "hath not a jew eyes" speech in front of the class (take two)]
Joe: if it will feed nothi... to bait fish with... Damnit

~~~~~Chris Quotes~~~~~


I wish I had a hot twin sister (Chris)

Me: what is this bowling ball made of?
Chris: bowling ball... ... ...

Me: You can't touch expandability...
Chris: You can put it in your mouth...

for my 16th birthday i got silly puddy, a pie, and a parachute toy (chris)

So what. So what. I fucked a goat. Oh yeah... (Chris)

i want to be the guy who composes the music for the space elevator (chris)

does schnucks have porn? (Chris)

~~~~~Frank Quotes~~~~~


I'm going to bed early, because the longer i am dreaming, the betterchance i have of getting laid in my dream (frank)

if u eat soap u don't have to clean your ass, that turns into the shit's job (Frank)

I made greg wash his hands before he played with my slinky (chris)

~~~~~People Who Don’t Have Enough Quotes Yet… … … … Qoutes…


batman is a realistic superhero (Barford)

i dont say anything stupid unless i'm by myself (kyle)

[building the 12 foot tower for the spring play]
Me: That thing will have to hold more than just my weight...
Matt: You're right there's is going to be more than two people up there.

in japanese an E looks like this ( .., ) [Minaka just wrote both of our names on our arms]
Me: what does your E look like, two periods and a comma?
Alex: No, mine is to dots and a comma.

[after being taken into customs under a "random" search gone wrong and read his rights...]
Dude, canadian rights are weird! (charlie)

Gaba:[listening to music]
Me: you cant hear a word im saying can you
Gaba: yes...
Ritchie: gaba sucks cock
Gaba: I dont fuck my dog BITCH!

be back at 50 after. (Passov) (math teacher)

Doug: what does a six sided figure look like (that is one in and of itself but it gets better)
Passov: a stop sign...

I once fell down the stairs of the Sara Hightower Library because I was chasing a rock (Liz)

i have to go my penis shrunk. (Corey)

These Are REAL Answers From Family Feud

Name something a blind person might use - A sword
Name a song with moon in the title - Blue suede moon
Name a bird with a long neck - Naomi Campbell
Name an occupation where you need a torch - A burglar
Name a famous brother & sister - Bonnie & Clyde
Name a dangerous race - The Arabs
Name an item of clothing worn by the 3 musketeers - A horse
Name something that floats in the bath - Water
Name something you wear on the beach - A deckchair
Name something Red - My cardigan
Name a famous cowboy - Buck Rogers
Name a famous royal - Mail
A number you have to memorize - 7
Something you do before going to bed - Sleep
Something you put on walls - Roofs
Something in the garden that's green - Shed
Something that flies that doesn't have an engine - A bicycle with wings
Something you might be allergic to - Skiing
Name a famous bridge - The bridge over troubled waters
Something a cat does - Goes to the toilet
Something you do in the bathroom - Decorate
Name an animal you might see at the zoo - A dog
Something associated with the police - Pigs
A sign of the zodiac - April
Something slippery - A conman
A kind of ache - Filet 'O' Fish
A food that can be brown or white - Potato
A jacket potato topping - Jam
A famous Scotsman - Jock
Another famous Scotsman - Vinnie Jones
Something with a hole in it - Window
A non living object with legs - Plant
A domestic animal - Leopard
A part of the body beginning with 'N' - Knee
A way of cooking fish - Cod
Something you open other than a door - Your Bowels
Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press no one will answer.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.

If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.


If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day 365 days a year, why are there locks on the door?

Why are people who "need no introduction" always introduced?

If you had 20 odds and ends on a table and all but one fell off, what's left, an odd or an end?

What is the speed of dark?

If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?

If a turtle loses his shell, is it naked or homeless?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Should vegetarians eat animal crackers? Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

Why do "tug" boats push their barges?

Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?

Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?

Why is it call "after dark" when it really is "after light"?

Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?

Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?

If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?

Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?

These are ACTUAL announcements from ACTUAL church bulletins
1 - Don't let worry kill you - let the church help.
2 - Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
3 - Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
4 - For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
5 - The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
6 - This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
7 - Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
8 - Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put me in my little bed" accompanied by the pastor.
9 - Thursday at 5:00 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the Pastor in his study.
10 - This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
11 - The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.
12 - Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so.
13 - The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.
14 - A bean supper well be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
15 - At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
16 - The Reverend Merriweather spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.
17 - The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7:00 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
18 - During the absence of our pastor we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Scubbs supplied our pulpit.
19 - With a smile on his face, the pastor listened as the church choir sang the traditional hymn, "How Great Thou Art", as the rather large casket of the over 500 pound parishioner was wheeled out of the church. (submitted by Michael J. Lee, Website, Email)
20 - Following this morning's message will be a pubic profession of faith. (submitted by Rick Moore, Website, Email)
21 - The Senior Choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
22 - Weight Watchers will meet at 7:00 pm at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.
23 - The Associate minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday - "I upped my pledge - up yours!"
24 - A song listed in the Church Bulletin at the Nazarene Church in Little Rock, Arkansas; in connection with a sermon on God's mantle..."Let's God Mangle Fall on Me." (submitted by Luella Long)
25 - Next Sunday, Mrs. Vinson will be the soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."
26 - The choir will meet at the Larsen home for fun and sinning.
27 - A song fest was hell at the Methodist Church Wednesday.
28 - The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."
29 - Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on Oct. 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in school days.
30 - Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say, "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
31 - Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.
32 - The concert held in the Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell on her.
33 - Today, Christian Youth Fellowship House Sexuality Course, 1pm-8pm. Please park in the rear parking lot for this activity.
34 - Offertory: "Jesus Paid It All"
35 - The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. Green who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.
36 - Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
37 - The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
38 - Evening massage -- 6 p.m.
39 - The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
40 - The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.
41 - Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 p.m. Please use the back door.
42 - Ushers will eat latecomers.
43 - The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.
44 - Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? with hymns from a full choir.
45 - 22 members were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, 'The Lord Knows Why.'
46 - The 1997 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.
47 - Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to Church secretary.
48 - 8 new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some of the older ones.
49 - Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child.
50 - Removed by request.