My fellow jerk-offs. My legion of twisted, demented freaks. I the SiC-MF'N-Jerk is back after a long long trip outside your vision. I've been reflecting on somethings and came to the relization...you all still need me. And if you don't need me ya need a bullet in your head. No seriously, shoot yourself! The ultimate fuck you! WHEE!
So, what can the sleep depraved mind think of to tell you all? Recently I had the best party of my fucking life. Some of you might even have been there, not sure alot of people there that I didn't know. There was lots of booze, lots of dope and alot of fucking acid. Six days it went on for. I've never puked that much in my life, never ate that much puke either! WHOA HE ATE PUKE! Yes, I ate puke and it tasted good. Might do it again soon! So What I'm saying is alot of nasty shit went on, so I thought I share it with you all again. Seeing as how you all love it. I SAID YOU ALL LOVE IT!
First things first, we got a guy who parties with us who runs trucks up and down the borders, booze and cigs mostly. A few illegal things but I'm not sure what so I'm no good to cops who read this. COPS HAVE THE BEST SHIT ANYWAY! SO, he happened to "lose" at least 20 kegs of beer. Prolly will lose his job for it too, ah well it was worth it! SO the beer lasted maybe a day. He called some of his biker friends and we all went out to bumfuck nowhere. We talknig 30 plus bikers, 30 plus cars and vans loaded and set up a HUGE fucking bonfire. PArtying, drinking, lots of fucking too. Joints are going around and me being the greatest entertainer in the fucking world decided to play fire god. I start fucking around with the skids we're using pulling them out of the fire and tossing them around. Its a dirt lot so I'm no putting anyone in TOO much danger. I get about 3 of them out before I relize I've lit one of the tents on fire! Soem chicks start running around screaming, I yell at my one trucker buddy to zip his dick back up, its scaring the girls and then whip mine out and start pissing on the fire. I swear to god my piss made it worse! There was a piont where I thought the fire was going UP my stream of piss so I do what any guy would do I turn another direction! BAM! One of the chicks that was screaming gets hit RIGHT in the face with it. She freaks out even more wiping at her face with her hands. She going nuts, and the grea tthing about it she just standing there while I'm still pissing in her facE! All the bikers are howling and slapping me on the back, I just keep going! The bitch is just wiping and wiping it, really getting it all over herself even more. I swear I'm trying to stop but it just won't and I can't help laughing my ass off while I do it. Its fucking hoots man!
SO I do finally stop pissing and things are startting to get alittle quieter, mostly because everyone starting to really veg out, and some are just kinda dancing around the fire. A big fucking tribal council you know? I go sit with my buds, do a few hits and I'm completly gone now. I remember racing around thinking there's big fucking purple spiders coming at me. Soem guy stops me to smoke a joint with me but I can't figure who he's doing it with the fucking bowling ball in his nose. The joint turns into a fucking snake and I freak tossing it at him, lands right in his crotch. He jumps up and I freak even more cuz his jumping and screaming. So I start running I'm crashing into people slamming into the tents and knocking them inside themselves. I run into this one group, real fucking weirdos right. I mean, punk weirdo's. And there going at it! Theres arms and legs flailing around and moans and groans, I get pulled in it. My pants are un zipped and this little blonde bombshell is going down on me better then a fucking hoover. I'm enjoying myself and then I fart! SHIT! The blonde girl looks up mortified and turns and passes out. I mean I KNOCKED HER OUT WITH MY ASS GAS! DUDE! I jump over and continue on with things with someone else.
Well, that winds down after a day or so. LOTs of acid, lots of fucking. A great 1960's flashback! Its the morning, I'm stumbling around being up for about 40 plus hours now. Lots of bodies around, people sleeping on cardboard and in the vans and shit. Theres still a bunch of people drinking around in some lawnchairs. We shoot the shit, peopel start asking me to do a coupel tricks, like I'm the fucking trick pony or something. I might be hung like one, but it ain't for free! I do my trick after some begging and another hit of a pure sunshine. A take one of the many beers around and snort abit up my nose, then holding my nose closed and pulling down the skin around my eye and blow a long stream out, it must have gone a good 6 feet. Lands on soemone crashing on the ground no reaction. So being me I have to push ti alittle more. I grab the next closest thing to me with liquid in it. Turns out I grabbed a can with a bunch of cigs floating iin water. But i dumped it on the guy anyway! His face is just covered in ashes and butts. A few butts hanging form his lips and in his eyes. Couple trucks pull up and a bunch more people pile up. I greet them the usual way, taken a gulp of rye and blowing it in their direction. Bunch of wrestling marks, so we start drinking and soemone gets the bright idea to wrestle. Now, no matter what state I'm in, I'm always ready to do a few moves and take a few moves. Theres like 15 guys and a few girls and we all starting knocking each toher around. One guy grabs me from behind and picks me staight up onto his shoulder and flips me onto the truck. I dent the fuck out of the hood and split open the back off my head. NO problem! I roll off and tackle the guy. I got him double arm wringer and I'm just elbowing him in the head. I split open the top of his eye, along the brow right. Now he's bleeding. I let him up and the others that we're around and fucking cheering us on. Me and the guy go at it again, each trying to grab the other in a headlock. He manages to get me after a few tries, but he doesn't hold me for long, I pick him up dead weight and slam him right onto his back and neck. The guys go nuts! I grab a beer and open it hand it to him and the grab one for myself. We all shoot the shit for awhile and drop another few hits.
Sometimes that night I found myself with whole rolls of toilet paaper. Of course the fires going again and since I'm not "allowed" to go near it again I start light the rolls on fire and tossing them around. Soon theres a game of flaming rolls catch going on. One guy gets hit and his leg goes up. Not for very long but long enough to be concerned about trhe guy. No worries he goes and pours a beer on it! ALCOHOL ABUSE! So prett ymuch this continues on for the next few days. Someone ended up bringing a portable shitter and we trashed that. Even tipped it over with someone in it, man the guy stunk!
Moral of the story: Drink up and enjoy life bitches!