Part One

I was sitting on the toilet, where I do the majority of my thinking by the way and I noticed something very strange. My dick was cold. Now being a red-blooded guy, if my dick is cold, I can't do shit, literally. So I stand up, (lovely little picture don't you think) and reach down to see why my dicks so cold. Its all wet and I know I haven't been getting laid for a few days, so there's no reason I can see that it be wet. I wipe myself off with some treebark. (Hey! You all now what cheap tiolet paper is like!) Sit back down on the tiolet and then it hits me. Just for the fact of being redundant, LITERALLY. My dick flops INTO the damn tiolet bowl, I mean RIGHT IN the god damn water. SPLASH! My ass and balls are all wet now and I haven't even had the chance to flush the tiolet and clear the shit! Gotta hop into the shower!

So now I flush the tiolet and get the water ready for my shower. I hop in, nice and warm. Give my self a good scrubbing and a quick few jerks for good measure and suddenly the bloody water turns ice cold. Now instead of just my dick freezing cold, my balls have shivelled so far up I don't need to have anything for dinner! I jump out of the shower and wrap myself in 3 different towels. Two just for my lower extremities. I walk into my room, get out my clothes, change and get my trench coat out. I'm on my way out the door and feel the weirdest feeling I have ever had, my dick has some how managed to get out one leg of my boxers and tuck itself back in on the other side! Bloody hell!

I'm walking down the hallway to the elevator and this nice looking freak comes out from one of the other units. Great timing! I've got one hand down my pants tring to tug myself out and tuck it back the way its supposed to be. Swear to God if she doesn't look at my crotch, then my face, then back to my crotch and lick her lips. Hell, I'm looking good, smelling good, lets go fuck babe! Of course being the great gentlemen that I am I just finish tucking myself back together and hold the elevator door for her. The whole time her face is a beet red, and she keeps looking at my crotch. Which by now has risen to take notice of her attention. I strike up a conversation, maybe not the best opening line but hell if it didn't work! I look at her and go, "Guess we'll both be going down eh?"

SNAP! I find myself in bed with this freaky gal. She's bringing out whips and chains and I'm just trying to get out of my boxers, which are so tight by this time I can actually hear the thread holding them starting ripping. So we're doing the deed and all the time she keeps whipping me in the back. I'm in heaven and by the look on her face I know she is too.

Moral of the story - I'm hung like a horse.