Relationships:

Listen I'm a guy. I get scared of committing to one person. I'm not someone you want to get close to. Sure i might start out being "nice" and "sweet". But you wanna know something? I'm scared of women.

Yes, I am scared of women. Well not physical scared of women. But emotionally. I've never gotton over a girl from long ago. Maybe i should think rationally. I mean no one finds their soulmate in Grade 7. Well, I think i did. We had know each other since grade 4. We hung with the same people. We went to the same school. Then in grade 7 me and her took another step and become bf/gf. Now i know...middle school/junior high relationships ain't supposed to last forever. And that at this age we don't understand "love". Well I believe we both found love for the first time. I honestly loved her. And i still do. When we broke up It was devastating, and i never really got over it.

But since then we've been seeing each toher off and on. The flame is still there and we both know if we ever got alone things would happen.

Over the past summer (2001) I dared to fall in love again. With a girl I thought loved me. And i "became" a man one night. YOu know what i mean? Anyways durting this relationship with this girl I found out she was seeing two other guys at the same time. So basically she wanted me just for sex. Now I know some guys out there are like..nice going man...go Jeffery go Jeffery. But i wasn't looking for just a sexual relationship. I was looking for love. But i did not find it.

In the last month i was dating this girl. No one liked her really. Alot of people said she was too fat and too ugly. But i went with her. And i did alot of stuff i should not have done. I hurt this girl. Not the physical way. The emotional way. I told her i couldn't see her anymore cuz i didn't want to hurt her in the end. Because I've been hurt and i know if I stay with her That I will end up hurting her. This in turn hurt her. She told me she was falling ni love with me..thats why i ad to leave her. I can't handle a relationship like that. Not yet. Not ever.

Maybe I am being a dickhead..but at least i'm not gonna end up hurt again. I'm sorry if i hurt her. But its just better this way.