Akio's Paradise

(A Parody of "Gangasta's Paradise" by Coolio)

By: The Incestuous One

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Thought you might want something to use to update your web site with. I wrote this as a mix of song parody and play. Enjoy!

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<The entire cast is gathered on a stage, wearing their usual outfits. A Shadow Girl is on the wall of the orchestral pit, with wig and baton. Also on the wall is an entire Shadow Band to go with her. Chu-chu is seated in the front row, munching on some gum he found stuck to a chair.>

Chu-chu: Chu... chu...

<The entrance opens, and three people enter. One in a straight jacket, another carrying a mallet, and a third with waist long purple hair. The third person guides the other two to seats in the middle.>

Straight jacket girl: Why are we here?

Mallet girl: ::hits straight jacket girl:: Because we're messed up individuals, and we've been manipulated by this fellow over here.

Purple hair guy: Hai hai. Plus, I'm the writer, so I can make you do anything I want.

Mallet girl: That's what I mean, we've been manipulated.

Purple hair guy: ::leans in close to Mallet girl:: I can manipulate you in other ways, you know...

Mallet girl: EEP! ::hits Purple Hair guy with mallet, then calms down and prepares to enjoy the show::

<The Shadow Girl lifts her baton, and on cue, the band begins to play.>

Utena:
As I walk through Ohtori
Where I have many duels,
I think of my Prince
And realize he's very cruel.

<Akio's manipulative smile grows wider.>

Utena:
And that's just dandy
With a duelist like me,
You know I like Himemia Anthy
And the ice is free.

<Anthy lifts a bowl of shaved ice over her head.>

Miki: My shining thing!
Everyone else: SSSSHHHH!

Utena:
At 4:30 in the evening
I'm fighting duels,
Juri, Miki, Saionji, Touga, and Nanami.

<Each duelist bows as their name is mentioned.>

Wakaba: Fool!

Utena:
And I've been fighting
These jerks for so long, that,
Even Dios thinks that my mind is gone.

<Dios nods his head solemnly.>

Utena:
I'm a girl who gets glomped,
Thanks in part to Wakaba.

<At the cue, Wakaba clings to Utena, almost toppling the pink haired girl.>

Utena: Ack!
With a weapon in my hand
And a rose on my chest.

And when I win the Rose Bride,
I won't be too rude;
I won't walk in on those two
When they're in the nude.

<Anthy and Akio gives each other that "special look.">

Everyone sans Akio:
We've been spending most our lives,
Living in Akio's Paradise.
He manipulates us right,
So we do whatever he wishes.

We all fight, we don't play nice,
Except when we're eating shaved ice.

<Nanami makes a face.>

Some of us are insane,
But then can you really blame us?

Utena:
Akio once tried to touch my butt last week,
I just smiled at him,
And I slapped him on the cheek.

<Akio brushes his face in a manipulative way.>

Utena:
I really don't care,
In fact I wish him well.
Cause I'll be laughing my head off
When he's burning in Hell.

But I ain't never punched his lights out
Even if he deserved it.
Akio and his car,
I know that I want them.

<Akio's car makes it debut, driving onto the stage with a life of its own. Everyone piles in, with Utena finding a way to keep on top of everyone.>

Utena:
I never wear girl's clothes,
But I've got some cool shorts.
And Anthy agrees
I really look good in black.

Anthy: Fool!

Utena:
If come to see us
You'll be bored to tears,
Anthy hasn't stopped serving shaved ice
For three hundred years!

Anthy keeps some strange pets,
But please don't point and stare.
Chu-chu's just cuteness personified.

<Chu-chu does a little dance on his seat.>

Everyone, including Akio:
There are shadows, incest, lesbians,
And bishounens.
Like any average talk show,
We're as messed up as we can be.

Everyone sans Akio:
t> We've been spending most our lives,
Living in Akio's Paradise.
He wants to smash the world's shell,
As well as Utena's hymen.

<Akio reaches in a manipulative way for Utena's leg, but she slaps his hand away.>

He treats all women the same,
And seduces in his red sports car.
We all dislike Akio,
That incestuous son of a B.

<The Akio car drives of stage with everyone on board. Miki, Touga, and Saionji come back on stage, dressed in black leather blacks and suspenders.>

Miki, Touga, and Saionji:
Akio has the power,
Utena has the body,
Maybe they'll have kid,
Maybe they'll kill each other.

Touga <solo>:
He thinks he's really special,
Thinks he's really fine,
Well, you know he's manipulative
And evil all the time.

<Utena walks back on stage, with Wakaba humping her leg and a perpetual sweatdrop on her head.>

Utena:
I'm the boyish girl
The little bimbos wanna be like,
Walking steps every day,
Listening to the same song play.

<Akio walks on stage in a mainpulative way, wearing, ironically, a toga.>
Akio:
"Zettai Unmei Mokishiroku,"
And if I'm lucky I may get to have
"Relations" with your hiney.

<Everyone, except Touga, Akio, and Anthy, sweatdrops.>

Everyone:
We've been spending most our lives,
Living in Akio's Paradise.
He doesn't treat us nice,
Corrupting everyone one around.

We give in to sin and vice,
Living in Akio's Paradise.

<A-ko and B-ko jump out of the orchestra pit and dance around on stage.>

Shadow Girls:
Don't you know, oh,
Don't you know?
We're trapped in Akio's Paradise.

<As everyone parts ways, the tiny clapping of Chu-chu can be heard from the audience, as well as the grumblings of Mallet girl as she drags two unconcious bodies behind her.>

***

Guess who Mallet girl and Straight jacket girl were? ^_~ And, no, I do not have waist long purple hair. I'm still a few months away from that length. ^_~

PS. I almost forgot to thank you for enlightening me on what type of character Akio is. I didn't like him at first, but now...He is a GOD to me! All hail Akio! Bwah-ha-ha!

PPS. I'll soon be starting an ML called "Blame It On Akio" (the title being inspired by your web site). I'll send you a banner as soon as I make one using one of your "special" pics. Thanks! ::hops in my red car and rives away, humming the you-know-what song::